At the End of the Night
by AliceBB
Summary: DHS are interested in the BAU's current case and Prentiss finds herself on an inexplicable parallel path with someone whose past is just as dark and painful as her own. Can she hold herself and her new life with JJ together as a total breakdown looms?
1. Damaged

The BAU's current case has attracted the attention of DHS and the visiting "agents" are not at all what the team expected. As things progress, Prentiss finds herself on an inexplicable parallel path with someone whose past is just as dark and painful as her own. Will she be able to hold herself and her new relationship with JJ together as a total breakdown for both her and everything they know looms?

**At the End of the Night**

_**Prologue:**_

_I cannot stop this. I cannot protect her. Nothing can stop this. At the end of the night the sun rises and the ground is cold and damp with blood and she is gone. I'm alone and I am scared. Nothing I do is ever right. I cannot stop this. It will never end. At the end of the night I am worn and tired and they carry on like nothing ever happened. _

**Part 1: The Interrogator**

**Chapter 1: Damaged**

"They're here," Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner replaced the phone handset and looked at the two agents in front of him.

"I still don't get what Homeland Security wants with us," Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss glanced at Doctor Reid beside her before turning her gaze full on Hotchner.

"I guess that's what we're going to find out," Hotchner started toward the office door with the other two falling into step behind him. "Let me handle this," he said over his shoulder, "you two just back me up."

BAU technical analyst Penelope Garcia met them in the lower hallway holding a laptop computer under her arm. "I feel dirty already," she said absently.

SSA Jennifer Jareau, the team's media liaison, patted Garcia's arm. "It's just a little interagency co-operation, Garcia."

Garcia gave JJ a weak smile and followed the others down the hall to the big conference room.

JJ heard the elevator doors opening from where she stood at the entrance to her office. The three people who exited and began walking toward her were not at all what she expected; at least not the second two. The leader fixed JJ with a confident, almost arrogant, gaze as she approached; her steps so purposeful that JJ found herself retreating slightly into her office.

"Down the hall and to the right," JJ provided.

The three filed past, the leader nodding ever so slightly. JJ watched them go catching her breath when, just as the three rounded the corner, the last woman cast a look back over her shoulder. In the heartbeat that passed as their eyes met, JJ felt the oddest sensation. It was as if someone stood directly in front of her touching her cheek with a cool hand and staring intently into her eyes. The feeling was gone in the instant it took the three to pass out of sight.

JJ shook herself remembering to breathe again. Quickly, she rounded her desk and reached for her mouse. As she did, a message rose up from the lower right of the taskbar informing her that Garcia was connected to the network and her Office Communicator was logged on.

Clicking on the window JJ typed a short message.

In the conference room, Garcia minimized the message window as she heard the DHS agents enter the room behind her. Hotchner stood from his place at the table but did not have a chance to talk.

"I'm Tergensen, DHS," a badge was flashed and put away just as quickly as the lead agent placed a laptop bag on the table directly across from Hotchner. The Unit Chief had no opportunity to extend his hand in greeting either as Tergensen began unzipping her bag and pulling out her computer not meeting his eye.

"Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner and these are some of my team: Agent Prentiss, Doctor Reid and out technical analyst Penelope Garcia."

Tergensen glanced up only briefly as she plugged a network cable and power cable into the module in the center of the table.

Garcia clicked on the OC message from JJ.

**Jareau, Jennifer: You're not on screen yet, are you?**

**Garcia, Penelope: No, not yet. These DHS people are weird.**

**Jareau, Jennifer: They are really strange. I expected guys in black.**

Garcia let a small laugh escape her at the way she and JJ had been thinking the same thing. Hotchner caught her eye giving her a look that suppressed her immediately. Just to her right, Reid was watching the three women with a look of both interest and slight puzzlement.

**Garcia, Penelope: Reid thinks they are fascinating in a Spock kind of way, I think. **

**Jareau, Jennifer: I wish I could hear what Emily thinks. **

Garcia coughed as once again their thoughts went in the same direction.

**Garcia, Penelope: Me too. She's evaluating right now.**

Prentiss watched as Tergensen plugged in her laptop pointedly failing to introduce her two colleagues. She was clearly the alpha female of the three and was currently engaged in asserting her dominance on the FBI agents in the room as well. Prentiss had seen her type many times before: well tailored black suit just feminine enough to pass the scrutiny of the men she worked with, short, well styled reddish hair, clean, manicured short nails, no rings and the thinnest touch of makeup.

Nothing new there; half the women in the federal government looked like her to some degree or another.

Prentiss shifted her gaze to the other woman seated at the table. Older than Tergensen by a few years she had an air about her that was far removed from the lead agent. Academic, Prentiss pegged her, with a general sense of education and possibly even sophistication. The wool suit coat, tasteful grey turtleneck sweater, diamond and amethyst earrings and matching necklace only confirmed this. On the ring finger of her left hand was a solid gold band.

She looked up meeting Prentiss' look her expression open and untroubled. Prentiss had no idea why she was here.

The third member of the group was pouring coffee at the sideboard back to everyone at the table. For a moment Prentiss wondered if her assessment of there being three women hadn't been hasty, yet there was something about the hips in the black jeans that made her think female; androgynous female.

Wide brown leather belt with a smartphone and pager attached, light blue oxford shirt the sleeves rolled to just below the elbow, her casual look did not match either of her companions. She turned then, coming back to the table two mugs of coffee and a donut in her hands. Prentiss watched as she placed one of the mugs next to Tergensen's right hand.

Sitting down between the other two, the woman raised her coffee mug to take a sip and met Prentiss' gaze. Her head cocked slightly as if she had caught Prentiss staring, but the look was quizzical, possibly assessing. After a heartbeat Prentiss felt herself freeze as she was literally pinned under the dark green eyes. She felt a presence surround her, curious, and very intimate like a hand across her hip as if someone was slipping by her, their bodies just touching, in a very crowded room.

In another heartbeat Prentiss was hearing the voice of a dead woman in her ear:

_Do they know what you are? _

It took effort to cut it off, that probing, intrusive curiosity. Another beat and Prentiss found herself back at the table looking across at someone whose presence was invisible and yet took up all the space in the room at the same time. Prentiss dropped her eyes and felt a jolt as she found herself looking at the other's hands. The right hand around the mug was missing the last two fingers.

Eyes snapping up to the face across from her again, Prentiss then noted other damage: a pale scar near the corner of the left eye and, just to the right of the center of her forehead, another one, this one sort of round. The other woman raised a hand to touch the scar on her forehead as if aware of the scrutiny. Her head cocked again as a slight smile played across her lips and into her eyes.

**Garcia, Penelope: Whoa**

**Jareau, Jennifer: Whoa what?**

Tergensen sat back opening her laptop and hitting the power switch. As if hearing a voice, she looked at the woman to her right her expression very briefly displaying annoyance. At the same time the woman on the far right also looked at the woman in the middle, but her expression was unreadable.

Glancing just slightly at Tergensen, the woman in the middle shrugged and took a bite of donut. Her eyes roamed around the room then, as if drawn there, settled on Prentiss. Again the slight smile and curious expression played across her features.

From where she sat at the head of the table, Garcia could see both Reid and Prentiss. Reid's brow was furrowed as if he were thinking or analyzing and Prentiss … Garcia's hands halted in mid type as she watched Prentiss sit back in her chair her attitude now cool and in control. Her eyes never leaving the green eyes across from her, she raised her hand and ran her fingers slowly through her dark hair just above her ear.

Garcia typed quickly and smacked the enter key.

**Garcia, Penelope: girlfriend's got her mojo on**

**Jareau, Jennifer: huh?**

**Garcia, Penelope: I have just been given a lesson but I have no idea what the subject is.**

Reid glanced at Garcia his eyebrows rising slightly. Garcia then realized that everything she had just observed had taken place in less than thirty seconds.

Tergensen cleared her throat. "We're here to talk to Jean-Francois Bennett."

JJ looked up as agents Morgan and Rossi appeared at the door to her office. "Where's everybody," Morgan leaned on the door jamb.

"In a meeting," JJ answered distracted by the screen in front of her.

**Jareau, Jennifer: Garcia what?**

Rossi was looking over Morgan's shoulder, "we're going to have a go at Bennett. Will you tell Hotch?"

**Garcia, Penelope: OMG they are here for that guy, Bennett**

JJ looked up as Morgan and Rossi started to leave, "Derek, hold on."

Hotchner blinked and looked at the DHS agent across from him. "Bennett is a suspect in the disappearances of four women. We are actively interviewing him," he looked down the table at the tech analyst and nodded.

The pictures of four women appeared on the screen on the wall at the far end of the table with their information below. Garcia had listed names, ages, date of disappearance and last known whereabouts.

Tergensen did not even look her attention was on her laptop. "I'm forwarding you our federal warrant. It will be in your inbox when you get back to your desk, Agent Hotchner."

Before Hotchner could reply Prentiss began, "You think he's going to talk to you?" she leaned forward elbows on the table. "He hasn't said a damn thing to us since we've had him except to tell us to fuck off."

Hotchner flinched slightly at the profanity.

"In three languages," Prentiss completed.

"Is that the Deputy Director's daughter?" Tergensen looked at Prentiss. "The last one? The blonde?"

Although Prentiss' jaw tightened, she did not reply.

"What is your interest in him?" Hotchner asked his tone level.

Tergensen took a drink from her coffee mug and watched him as if gauging how much information to give. For a long moment she did nothing, looking from Hotchner to the women on the screen. Then she seemed to come to a conclusion, reached into her pants pocket and retrieved a USB flash drive. She placed it on the table in front of the woman to her right.

Everyone at the table watched as the three fingered hand slowly turned it twice on the polished surface of the table and then with a flick sent it skidding towards Garcia.

The tech analyst slapped her palm on it as it bounced off the side of her laptop computer. She looked down the table at Hotch who nodded. Garcia inserted the storage device in a port and blanked her screen. Just because she felt like it, she ran a scan on the contents of the drive as she typed to JJ.

**Garcia, Penelope: this just gets stranger and stranger**

There were four files on the drive. Garcia brought up each of the JPEG images sizing them to fit equally on the screen. She then activated the projector again.

Each of the four missing women was in a frame of the pictures. The settings were different; some inside, some outside, of four different fitness clubs. The constant in each was the suspect JF Bennett. He appeared to be talking to each of the women.

Prentiss drew in a breath, looked at the screen and looked at Hotch. "You had surveillance on him!"

"Not us," Tergensen snapped. "There was a joint investigation with Interpol."

"I think you need to tell us what's going on," Hotchner's tone was still calm and level.

"I don't have to tell you anything."

The woman in the wool suit coat sighed. Prentiss looked from her to Tergensen to the odd woman in the middle who was smirking as she looked sideways at the lead DHS agent. There was another moment as something seemed to pass between them, and again Tergensen seemed to come to a decision.

"Our interest in him is not related to yours."

"Not related?" Prentiss was clearly annoyed. "Do elaborate, please."

Under the table Hotchner reached out with his left foot until he found Prentiss' right shoe. He put his foot over her toes and pressed down.

"I will," Tergensen began, "unless you'd rather continue this pissing match."

Garcia slapped function F6 and killed the output to the overhead projector.

**Garcia, Penelope: the alpha girls are going at it toe to toe. This is too much**

**Jareau, Jennifer: Emily and that chick from DHS?**

**Garcia, Penelope: yeah and I think Hotch just kicked her under the table by the way she just looked at him**

"Our interest is a matter of national security."

"I was wondering when that was going to come out!" Prentiss waved one hand absently as she sat back.

Garcia bit her lip watching Reid as he rubbed his nose trying hard not to laugh.

Hotchner looked slowly around the table pausing the longest on Prentiss seated beside him. He seemed about to say something when Tergensen began again.

"A container ship left Rotterdam last week bound for a port on the eastern seaboard, probably Baltimore. We need to know what ship and what container because what is on that ship cannot be allowed to get to its destination."

"He's not talking," Hotch said slowly, "about anything."

Tergensen snapped her laptop shut, began pulling the cables. "He will talk to us," she glanced sideways at her companions. "We will get what we need," she paused and leaned forward hands flat on the table as she looked from Hotchner to Prentiss to Reid. "And maybe we will get what you need."

"You don't even know…" Prentiss started.

"Would you like to sit in, Agent Prentiss?" Tergensen stared the other woman down.

"I would," Prentiss met the stare.

"Me too," Reid chipped in.

The three DHS agents stood up. Tergensen paused as she swung her bag over her shoulder. "What you are going to see is highly classified. I hope you will respect that."

Prentiss just rolled her eyes.

Outside the conference room Hotchner watched the three women get on the elevator before turning to Prentiss. "Emily…"

"Hotch, she dismissed us as soon as they came into the room," Reid said cutting off both Hotchner and Prentiss. He looked at Prentiss, "Is that what women used to feel like in a boardroom with men?"

Prentiss just shook her head and started toward the elevators.

**Interview Room**

When Prentiss and Reid entered the observation room Tergensen and the woman in the wool coat were both setting up laptops on a table under the mirrored window. The other woman was absent.

"Doctor Spencer Reid?"

Surprised, Reid turned at the sound of his name.

"I'm Doctor Micheline Robichaud."

Robichaud placed her jacket over the back of a chair, pushed up her sleeves and extended a hand to Reid.

Reid shook hands finding himself returning the woman's warm smile. "I've read some of your papers, Doctor. Your work in psychology is extremely cutting edge. How did you get involved with Homeland Security?"

The door swung open at that moment and the third woman strode in unbuttoning her shirt. "Can we get this party started?" she tossed her shirt over a chair and turned toward the mirror. "That's him?"

No one bothered to reply as the answer was obvious. In the interview room on the other side of the mirror, a tall, broad shouldered man sat slumped in a metal chair. His hands were cuffed and attached by a chain to a belt around his waist and then to a loop on the floor. He would have been handsome were it not for his expression and his posture. The man radiated pure malice.

"Es tu prête?"Robichaud stepped up behind the woman at the mirror pulling her tank top away from her back. She dropped a small black device with trailing wires down her back and affixed it just under her waist band at the small of her back.

Prentiss watched with interest noting several lines of pale scars crossed the woman's shoulders and disappeared under her shirt. She exchanged a look with Reid and they both watched curiously as Robichaud attached the wires under a tiny flap of skin behind each of the other woman's ears. Next a small cuff was wrapped around her right bicep its wire going up her arm to join the others at the nape of her neck. Robichaud secured them there with a piece of tape adding another at her back where the three wires converged on the device.

Sitting at the table beside Tergensen, Robichaud touched the spacebar on her laptop. The screen came to life with what appeared to be a multicoloured representation of a human brain. The graphic flickered and rotated with several scrolling windows of information underneath.

Reid looked at it with surprise and a little bit of awe. "How did you…"

"She has a sort of neural net implanted just under the skin of her skull," Robichaud explained. "It was not a painful procedure."

"Not for you, you mean," this from the woman with the wires linking her to the computer.

Robichaud ignored the remark holding out a sweatshirt, "Met ca, Guerin."

The other woman pulled on the sweatshirt over her undershirt and all the wires. "Je suis prete; j`y vais," she took a step toward the door stopping when Tergensen spoke.

"Get what you need and get out of there, G."

Guerin flashed a lopsided grin at the three women and Reid before exiting through the door.

"She does not know what she's getting into," Prentiss remarked to no one in particular.

"Actually she knows all too well," Tergensen said staring through the mirrored window.

When the door opened on the other side Prentiss noticed immediately that the woman who walked into the room was not the same woman who had just left them. She was identical in appearance, yet her entire demeanor had changed. Her face was tight, determined, and a little bit angry. She strode directly toward the man in the room and stopped in front of the table.

"Who the fuck are you? Another fucking bitch FBI agent?" he jerked at his restraints.

Guerin crossed her arms over her chest staring at him over the table that separated them.

"Yuck!" Robichaud commented without a trace of her usual French accent.

"Send that pointy nosed bitch back in. Me and my dick want to get to know her better," he sneered.

"I can see you made a good impression, Prentiss," Tergensen glanced over her shoulder.

"You ugly dyke, c…"

Guerin raised her left hand and pointed at him.

"That's enough of that!"

Bennett was cut off immediately. His jaw worked as he struggled to speak. His eyes were wide and remained fixated on the hand in front of him as Guerin slowly rounded the table. She sat on the edge of the table directly in front of him one foot on his chair between his thighs. Still she seemed to hold him tight without touching him, her hand now barely an inch from his nose. Cocking her head she gazed into his eyes her expression souring.

"He's everything they think he is," stated Robichaud, "all that and even more. Total yuck."

Prentiss tore her eyes from the scene in the interview room to look at Robichaud. She was watching her laptop screen intently occasionally touching a key. Reid caught her eye then and shrugged.

"Just get the info, G." Tergensen stood and leaned on the table.

Bennett went totally still his face going pale. Lowering her hand ever so slowly, Guerin settled herself in front of him her eyes locked on his.

Reid took a step back from the window and looked at the computer screen in front of Robichaud. The screen was a mix of reds and oranges and as he watched the numbers in the lower left for heart rate and blood pressure jumped significantly.

"Got him," Robichaud whispered.

In the interview room Guerin leaned forward both feet now on Bennett's chair. "The ship coming from Europe," she put her elbows on her knees rested her chin on her hands, "what is it called?"

"Maersk Atlantic Courier," Bennett said no emotion in his voice.

Tergensen practically jumped behind her computer, began typing rapidly.

"The container number?"

Bennett recited a long alpha numeric identifier as if he were reading it from a blackboard at the front of a classroom.

"Verifying," Tergensen said excitement now colouring her voice. She paused, read the information on the screen and grunted with satisfaction. "That's it." Taking out her cell phone she dialed a number and when it was answered repeated the information.

Everyone seemed to pause for a moment after Tergensen completed her call. Prentiss was watching the two people in the interview room, and Reid was watching the screen in front of Robichaud who sat quietly.

Robichaud broke the stillness sighing deeply. "Mon dieu, this is awful," she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

There was another long moment of silence when absolutely nothing seemed to happen. Tergensen looked at Robichaud questioningly. The psychologist sighed again and gave a noncommittal shrug of her shoulders. They both then looked through the glass into the interview room.

Bennett's face was a mask of utter blank, but the woman in front of him was the complete opposite; she was seething, her face dark with rage and contempt. As the observers watched she gave a sharp gesture at Bennett who, though he was not contacted, reacted as if he had been slapped. Launching herself off the table, she stormed to the door throwing it open with such force that it banged back hard against the wall cracking the plaster. Bennett regained himself then, shaking his head and looking around confused and afraid.

"Where is she going?" Prentiss demanded.

"To the bathroom to throw up," Tergensen snapped her laptop shut and stood up.

Prentiss was in front of her immediately blocking her path. "What is going on here?" she stared at the other woman. "You come in here all full of attitude and put on some sort of show expecting us to…"

"Get out of my face, Prentiss!" Tergensen snapped her temper flaring. "You don't know a damn thing!" She gazed at Prentiss her face changing from anger to profound pain. "You have no idea what she just went through to get your information."

"What information?" Prentiss glanced at Reid.

"I believe we just witnessed a sort of hypnotic coercion," Reid looked uncomfortable. The screen in front of Robichaud suddenly went blank as all input was terminated. Slowly Robichaud closed the computer and laid her chin on her arms on top of it.

Tergensen pushed past the FBI agent and went to the psychologist. "It's OK, it's OK," with one hand she squeezed Robichaud's shoulder. Her other hand gently, intimately, touched the other woman's hair at the back of her neck. Robichaud reached up and grasped Tergensen's hand where it rested on her shoulder.

"When she comes back she will tell you what she knows."

Prentiss didn't wait. Without a word she left the room striding aggressively down the hall to the women's washroom. She pushed open the door with a slap of her hand. She had expected some sort of reaction to her sudden appearance but there was none.

The strange black device with the wires and the blood pressure cuff were discarded on the countertop, the sweatshirt cast into a corner. Guerin splashed water on her face, spit in the sink.

"I feel so dirty," Guerin grimaced, looked as if she were about to vomit again.

"You're bleeding."

Blood had trickled from behind her right ear down her jaw and was dripping into the basin. She swiped at it absently with the back of her hand finally looking up to meet Prentiss' eyes in the mirror. As they stared at each other, Prentiss could feel the pain and resignation in the other woman as well as a lingering grief that lurked just behind the green eyes. For just a moment a tingle of understanding passed between them then was gone.

"Fucking nice job you got. Dealing with that shit all day." Guerin splashed more water on her face and through her hair. Reaching for the paper towel she wobbled slightly on her feet.

"Are you alright?"

There was no answer; the other woman just leaned heavily against the wall breathing slowly her face pale. Eventually, just as Prentiss took a step toward her, she straightened, wiped the paper towel over her face, hair and under her arms then blew her nose into it.

"Let's go," scooping up the sweatshirt, BP cuff and wired device, she exited the washroom Prentiss trailing behind. In the corridor they met Tergensen, Robichaud and Reid. Robichaud exchanged the sweatshirt for the blue oxford shirt and put away the monitoring devices in her laptop bag.

"A tu besoin quelque chose?" she asked, her eyes searching Guerin's face concerned.

"No. Let's just get this over with," pulling on the shirt she started toward the elevator. Once on the elevator, the four women and Reid rode in silence up to the sixth floor.

JJ looked up in surprise as the strange DHS woman strode past her office her shirt undone and the tails billowing behind her. Prentiss met JJ's eyes as she trailed the group toward the conference room. With her eyes and a shrug of her shoulders, she communicated her confusion.

In the conference room, Robichaud was dabbing at the blood behind Guerin's ear as the other woman downed a bottle of orange juice. "Are you sure you're OK?" the psychologist asked softly.

The only answer was a quick nod as Guerin took another bottle from the small refrigerator, scooped up a croissant and a muffin and sat back in her same seat at the table.

Reid and Prentiss turned toward JJ as she entered the room. "Hotch and Garcia…" she didn't finish. Looking past Prentiss she was surprised, if not downright amazed, to see the gruff DHS agent standing behind the seated woman her hands kneading her shoulders, touching her damp hair. JJ felt her eyes widen as Tergensen laid her hand flat, fingers splayed, on the other woman's chest.

Robichaud joined the other two blocking JJ's view. JJ looked a question at Prentiss but it was Reid who answered. "The nonverbal communication is fascinating," he shot a look over his shoulder at the three women in a close knot at the table, "and that level of intimacy is usually only seen…"

"Reid!" Prentiss cut him off. Hotchner and Garcia entered the room then. "Stay," Prentiss said in an undertone to JJ patting the chair next to where Garcia was setting up.

Hotchner noticed the change in the three women as soon as he sat down. It was especially surprising in Tergensen. To him she appeared to have lost all her bravado and looked simply tired. The other two were even worse.

"We have information for you," Tergensen began, "and you are not going to understand how we know what we know. I cannot explain." She met Hotchner's gaze directly, glanced at Prentiss and Reid. "I know there's a lot of pressure on you because of the deputy director's daughter being one of the missing."

"She's dead."

Every eye in the room turned to the disheveled woman next to Tergensen. "And there were more than four," her face scrunched in displeasure, eyes blinking rapidly, "he…"

"He's a sexual sadist," Robichaud took over her voice low and clinical, "and an especially vile one, I suspect, even for you." She looked steadily at the three profilers across the table from her. "An anger excitation rapist, he tortures women and strangles them to death with his bare hands."

No one said anything for a long moment until Reid started hesitantly, "Hotch, this is Doctor Micheline Robichaud," he looked down the table at the Unit Chief. "She has PhDs in Cognitive and Developmental Psychology."

Robichaud inclined her head politely to Reid. "Abnormal psychology of the sort you deal with, Doctor Reid, agents," she smiled slightly at Hotchner, "is not my specialty. My field is much more theoretical."

"Bennett told you this?" Hotchner tried to temper the tone of incredulity in his voice.

"He didn't say a thing about the missing women," Prentiss didn't look at Hotchner, her eyes were on Tergensen.

"Again," Tergensen drew out the word. "We can't explain how we know, you have to trust us. If you don't want to go that far," she looked pointedly at Prentiss, "I suggest you call Deputy Director Morrison and tell him you have information on his daughter and it comes from Devin Tergensen."

There was another moment of silence broken when Guerin stood and looked down the table directly at Garcia. "Can you bring up a map of northern Virginia, please?"

Garcia started slightly at being addressed, but recovered quickly, "Yes, ma'am. "

"Highway 522 north of Highway 211," Guerin moved to the front of the table stood directly in front of the screen.

The map appeared and everyone turned to look. Guerin studied it for a moment her head inclined to one side. "Do you have topographical or satellite? Satellite would be best, like from the NSA."

"NSA? Garcia questioned. "Our flavor of alphabet soup is FBI, not NSA," Garcia worked her keyboard and another map appeared on the screen. "Here's topo."

"There's a diner here," the damaged hand pointed to an intersection. "It's north of that," she turned leaning on the table canting her hip and sighing audibly. "He hasn't been there very often. There's another guy that dumps the bodies. I can find it though."

She looked up then her eyes travelling down the table and finding JJ. For a moment the two stared at each other until JJ looked away uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Seeking reassurance, JJ looked across the table to Prentiss. The woman at the head of the table also looked at Prentiss but only for a moment. She gave a soft laugh stepping back from the table, raising her hands for just a beat before dropping them to her sides.

Tergensen gave a loud sniff. "Alright; make the call," she looked at Hotchner. "We will meet you at that diner at 07:30 tomorrow morning. Email me confirmation."

With that the three filed out of the room.

**Later**

Prentiss entered Garcia's control room and shut the door carefully behind her. JJ was seated beside Garcia nibbling her knuckle. "Reid and I are going."

"Lucky you," JJ extended a hand to Prentiss who moved closer, touched the blonde's shoulder, then ran her hand through her hair.

"What was that right at the end?" Garcia asked watching her two friends closely. They were rarely affectionate with each other when around other people except for instances like now in the privacy of Garcia's lair.

"She was checking me out," JJ put an arm around Prentiss' waist pulled her closer resting her head against her lover's hip. "Emily smacked her, so to speak."

Garcia laughed. "There's some weird mojo going on between those three. That little circle has three points if you know what I mean." Garcia traced a triangle in the air.

"What?" JJ asked surprised. "Doctor what's–her-name had a wedding ring on!"

Garcia just snorted.

"Garcia's GayDar has a supernatural setting," Prentiss explained to JJ.

The three friends shared a laugh then fell quickly silent. Garcia looked away typing something into an Office Communicator window on her workstation. "Reid's all excited. He's going on about parapsychology."

"What happened downstairs in the interview?" JJ looked up at Prentiss. She felt the taller woman stiffen.

Prentiss was replaying the interrogation in her mind: the odd interaction between the two in the interview room, Robichaud speaking in a voice that seemed to belong to someone else, Tergensen talking to the woman in the interview room as if she could be heard through the wall, and, lastly, the look of pain she had seen in Tergensen's eyes as she said '_You have no idea what she just went through…'_

"I don't know," Prentiss evaded. "Bennett told them what they wanted to know about the ship and the container."

"He just told them?" JJ asked. "You spent how long with him this morning and he never told you anything about anything?"

"Weapons grade plutonium," Garcia stated out of nowhere.

"What?" Prentiss and JJ said at the same time.

"I bet that's what's in the container," Garcia elaborated. She paused, looking at her screen. "Reid thinks they are CIA; Project Stargate. Dude's going all X-Files on me."

"Tell me what you think, Em." JJ squeezed Prentiss harder. Prentiss just frowned. Garcia had turned her full attention to her conversation with Reid. JJ stood up pressing her body close to Prentiss her hand moving down to grasp her firm buttock.

"I don't know," Prentiss returned her lover's embrace_. It was like she looked right through me,_ she thought but didn't say.

The words_ do they know what you _are echoed in her mind and she increased her hold on JJ as unwanted feelings flooded into her making her feel exposed and vulnerable. She fought hard to keep the shiver she felt from rising up from her core.

JJ pulled back and touched Prentiss' cheek softly. "I wish I could come home with you tonight," she whispered. "Maybe if my parents will take Henry; they said they would at the end of the week."

"Yeah, that would be nice. We spend so little time together."

JJ looked away not wanting to engage in the familiar refrain.

**Evening of the Same Day, Guerin's Washington Safe-house**

Robichaud smiled when Guerin wrapped her arms around her waist and nuzzled her neck.

"That dark haired girl has you rather aroused," she touched the hands that held her, her own wet from the kitchen sink.

"It is better to think about her than the other thing."

Robichaud felt the cold shadow that passed between them and shuddered slightly. She felt Guerin's grip tighten as a soft kiss touched her neck.

"Ma belle fille; I so worry for your soul sometimes. How badly you wanted to crush him." Robichaud felt Guerin huff in her ear; felt the other woman's hands move down her thighs.

"She's interesting, don't you think? FBI profiler and all that."

"Oui," Robichaud turned still in Guerin's grip. "I did not know how much you liked dark and intense women. Be careful though," her arms went around her neck, pulled her into a kiss.

Guerin broke the kiss, "The blonde? Yes, I know. There is love there. It was nice to feel something like that for once. Still, girl is totally hot!"

Robichaud laughed touched Guerin's lips with the tip of her finger. "You are my beautiful, incorrigible girl. Let me take you upstairs and I will make you feel human again."


	2. All My Tears

**Chapter 2: All My Tears **

**07:15 The next morning, a diner in northern Virginia**

Guerin watched out the window as Prentiss and Reid got out of a Ford SUV and entered the diner. Her eyes met Prentiss' and she gave a nod of acknowledgement. When Reid turned and saw her, he immediately came to the booth and slid into the seat beside her. Prentiss followed behind shaking rain from her FBI baseball cap. Reaching the booth, she dropped the cap on the table and sat next to Robichaud.

"Lovely weather you brought us out in," Prentiss commented. "Where's Tergensen?" her eyes travelled around the room as if she expected the other woman to pop up and annoy her.

"She's off kicking in doors and slapping around bad guys," Guerin answered sipping coffee. "Bitch totally loves that shit."

Prentiss laughed feeling herself relax. She stretched her legs out under the table nudging aside Reid's foot. Feeling Guerin's eyes full on her, she slumped back, dropped her right hand to her holstered weapon, adjusted its position on her hip, and let her hand rest there.

The waitress approached the table carrying two large plates and a half full coffee pot. She placed the plate heaped with eggs, bacon, ham and fried potatoes in front of Guerin and the one with the omelette in front of Robichaud. Both Prentiss and Reid turned their coffee cups right side up for the waitress to fill.

"I'll have two eggs, over easy, with ham and no home fries, whole wheat toast," Prentiss ordered.

The waitress swiveled her attention to Reid. "Ummm," Reid thought for a moment. "French toast with bacon," he finally answered.

"God, I love breakfast," Guerin was forking eggs rapidly into her mouth.

"You seem to eat a lot," Reid said cautiously, "and I don't even know what your name is."

"Garon," Prentiss stated."I speak French."

"Actually," Guerin chewed, swallowed. "More like Guerin," she said it with an _in_ on the end instead of an _on_, "but it's best not to ask too many questions about me."

"National security again?" Prentiss didn't seem to even try to contain the note of contempt in her voice. Beside her Robichaud sighed.

Guerin sat straighter looked at Prentiss. "We're not DHS."

Prentiss looked like she already knew that answer. "And Tergensen?"

"Tergensen flies whatever flag she requires to get the job done."

"But she's an agent of some sort," Prentiss didn't let it go. "I know that government attitude anywhere."

"Would it please you to know she was trained by the FBI?" Robichaud replied. Prentiss snorted but didn't reply.

"If you're not DHS," Reid said slowly, "then who are you?" He watched as Guerin and Robichaud exchanged a long look. He looked as if he wanted to add something else but the waitress arrived at that moment with their food.

"That part really is classified," Guerin replied when the waitress had left.

Prentiss made a derisive noise as she broke the yolk on her eggs and dipped a piece of toast in.

"Then what do you think FBI profiler?" Guerin dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. "You tell me."

"I think you're a fake," Prentiss replied, her eyes moving from Guerin to Reid, who was regarding her with a look of surprise, and back again. "I think it's a waste of my time coming out here in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere to drive around looking for something that doesn't exist."

Guerin sat back laughing, "You have no idea how many mornings I've woke up wishing that was true." Her laugh faded as she looked out the window. Another black SUV and a local sheriff's car had pulled into the parking lot. Two cops and a short, well dressed man came in the diner. The man in the suit looked around the dining area apparently not recognizing anyone.

Guerin was watching him closely. "Is that the deputy director?"

Prentiss looked over her shoulder meeting the deputy director's eye just for a moment. The three new arrivals took seats at the counter a waitress pouring them coffee.

"His grief and anxiety surround him like a cloud," Guerin looked from the man at the counter who was sitting with his head down, shoulders hunched and both hands around his coffee cup, to Reid. "Even you must be able to feel that."

Reid stared at the woman beside him for a long moment then looked back at the counter. He could feel a tension in the man seated there. A heavy, almost crushing, weight seemed to be pushing down on him.

"Yes, actually, I can."

**Later**

They had been driving for about a half hour, Prentiss and Reid in the back seat of the dark blue Escalade driven by Robichaud, when Guerin announced she needed to pee.

Prentiss sighed watching the odd woman hop out and walk a ways down a half overgrown trail until just out of sight. When she looked up, Robichaud was looking at her in the rearview mirror.

"Where are you from? Belgium?" Prentiss asked. "Your accent is European."

"Luxembourg. My mother was American though," Robichaud replied. "I spent time in France and Belgium as well. You have travelled in Europe a lot?"

"Yes, I…" Prentiss broke off speaking looking past Robichaud to the front of the car. Guerin stood in the middle of the road. She was staring at the opposite shoulder intently. The hood of her rain coat completely covered her head making her appear like a sort of dark, wet apparition standing there in the rain. As the three in the car watched, she started walking down the road stopping about twenty yards further on.

"C'est ca," Robichaud started the car and drove the short distance to where Guerin now stood looking down a narrow road blocked with a rusty gate. The sheriff car pulled to the shoulder ahead of the big SUV everyone getting out and gathering in front of the gate.

"There's something about the gate," Guerin stepped forward leaning over to look at the chain and padlock without touching. "It looks locked yet it's not."

The deputy came forward, fiddled for a moment until the chain dropped away and the gate swung open to a gentle push.

The group started walking up the tree shaded road sticking to the grassy center as the sides were rutted and pocked with puddles. Guerin led with Robichaud, Prentiss and Reid following close. The cops and Director Morrison brought up the rear.

Eventually they came out of the trees and into a clearing. The track led across an open area of dead, yellowed grass to the ruins of a building. Only the foundation, a few solid wooden beams, and part of a stone fireplace remained. The building looked as if it had tumbled in on itself in the course of simple neglect.

They stood there silent for several minutes the only sound the soft patter of rain falling all around. Behind the ruined house the trees stood tall and stark against the gloomy January sky. Off to the left the ground sloped downward creating a sort of bowl shaped depression. The entire area was flooded with water; the trees and lower bushes appeared to almost be floating.

Guerin and Robichaud exchanged a look then Guerin turned her attention to Reid. "What do you feel, Doctor Reid?" she asked softly so as not to be overheard by the director and the police officers waiting a few yards behind them.

"I don't know, I…" Reid started confused. Guerin moved close to him and he felt an almost electric jolt as her hand found his and held tight. When he looked down at the woman beside him, and met her steady gaze, it was as if everything became fuzzy and indistinct.

"Still your mind and reach out. Feel like you are looking at the world for the first time." Although Reid could hear the words spoken aloud he knew they were just for him. Robichaud took a step closer but her presence was comforting not intrusive.

When he looked away from Guerin and out across the open field he sucked in a harsh breath. His awareness contracted inward toward the toppled building and it seemed to glow but with darkness not light. The trees behind rose up even taller and loomed over the entire scene radiating power and full of malice. Off to the left, the flooded area rippled and surged as wisps of grey fog moved among the trees.

Fear and despair rode over him and he felt as if a cold hand grasped his gut. Overwhelmed, he pulled his hand away and stepped backward. The feelings faded and once again he was standing at the edge of a forlorn field the rain falling in a soft patter on his hood and the umbrella held by Robichaud. He wanted to say something, ask for an explanation, but Guerin only turned and started across the field with Robichaud beside her.

As he made to follow, Prentiss was beside him. "What was that?" she hissed in his ear. "You went pale like you saw a ghost."

When he looked at her the feelings of malice and despair came creeping back into his consciousness. "I don't know. Maybe I did."

Guerin was standing at the very edge of the water her hood down and face up to the rain. She turned slowly in place taking in the entire scene. Robichaud stood a little ways off her one hand deep in her coat pocket her other grasping the handle of the umbrella that partially hid her face.

Prentiss watched as Guerin crouched and looked out over the flooded area. She lowered her head so she was looking horizontally across the surface of the water her cheek about eight inches from the wet ground.

"Prentiss," with her right hand she pointed out over the water to where a branch made a sort of arch in front of a shrub about ten yards out, "come tell me what you see."

Prentiss looked down skeptically at the woman on the ground before lowering herself to one knee. The ground was damp and cold and immediately she felt the wet seep through her pants. "Lower," Guerin was still pointing. Prentiss braced one hand on the wet ground and let her head drop even lower as she looked through the arch made by the tree branch.

The profile of a face filled the space under the arch a solid alabaster white and frozen still in death. As she looked the water rippled and the face seemed to turn toward her the one visible eye open, glazed and staring right back at her.

Prentiss jerked away from the water a small squeak of surprise and horror escaping her. She bumped into Reid's legs and he reached down steadying her.

"What?" Reid squatted next to her still holding Prentiss by the shoulder.

Prentiss tore her eyes from the water and its gruesome occupant looking first at Guerin, then to Reid. "There's a body out there."

"More than one, I think," Guerin began speaking slowly. "That one is the newest. The flooding caused her to rise up as it were."

Guerin sat back on her haunches her hands clasped together in front of her knees. "This is where they dumped the bodies – shallow graves – since they cared so little," she stated blandly. "There are also old graves I think, out there," she gestured behind her toward the back of the old building, "behind the house. There are many dead here."

As Prentiss watched, Guerin looked up at the sky then down again. A drop of rain water ran down the side of her nose, mingled with what might have been a tear, and continued along down her cheek. Guerin swiped at it with the back of her hand. "So much pain in this place, so much fear for so long."

"How do you know that?" Prentiss demanded tersely.

Guerin didn't answer just looked at Reid.

"It's true," Reid looked out across the water. "I don't know about the graves, but this place is creepy," he paused grasping for words. "I feel very uncomfortable being here it's so pervasive the feeling of dread."

"Do you want to know more?" Guerin said softly to Reid. "I can teach you how to really see." Prentiss stood and walked away from the edge of the water. Robichaud took several steps closer but still held her distance.

Reid swallowed hard. For some reason he felt he was at the edge of something both scary and amazing. The woman in front of him was waiting, her expression open and comforting.

"I can't without your permission and acceptance. This is a good place to learn, as yucky as it is, and you have a lot of potential."

Reid looked at her surprised and somewhat pleased. He could feel no malevolence from her only an intense curiosity. The same inquisitiveness he had felt when he saw her for the first time yesterday.

"OK."

Guerin dropped to one knee and took both of his hands in hers. He looked around somewhat embarrassed, but a large dormant lilac bush blocked them from the view of the director and the two police officers and Prentiss had moved off around the old building. Robichaud he felt no threat from, just a calm watchfulness.

"You have to trust me."

She was gazing deeply into his eyes as once again things became fuzzy and indistinct. This time though, the feeling deepened and he felt not the dread and fear of the place around them, but a presence next to him, almost inside him, a presence that was powerful and warm at the same time.

_That's me_ a voice said clearly, yet not aloud.

He reached out and grabbed at the presence excited and intrigued. _Easy_, the voice said again and he found himself standing beside Guerin in the same place they had been, yet it was not the same. The sun shone warmly on his face as he looked around. There was no rain; no water flooded the vegetable garden beside them; and the building was an intact house with a large verandah and a very old model pickup truck out front.

Directly beside him the lilac bush was in bloom and he breathed in the scent of the purple blossoms. Behind the house, a light breeze stirred the leaves of the large oaks and elms.

_It's beautiful here_, he thought.

_Not quite …_

They looked at the house together and this time he noticed the cellar doors were open and from the basement sounds of pain and torment emanated.

_This is when it began, I think, many years ago and different people … still it's all the same horror._

The cries seemed to roll out of the basement and wash over him. He felt tears start in his eyes as once again despair threatened to overpower him. He felt himself pulled back and for a moment he was again kneeling on the ground the cold January rain on his face washing away his tears.

Then things became indistinct again and he felt himself slipping down and away. He reached out again for the comforting, solid presence to support him and latched on. This time he could feel others nearby, none as strong as the one that held him, yet each was distinct and separate. At the farthest reaches of his awareness, he could feel again the grief and anxiety of the deputy director so strongly so that it overpowered the two men beside him.

Closer was another, her presence solid, compassionate and gentle. _That's Doctor Robichaud_, the voice seemed to smile as she spoke and he felt tenderness and a strong bond of love and dependence. Beyond that he felt something else; a strong, powerful presence was getting closer radiating a jumble of emotions not the least of which was a mix of raw sexuality and repressed rage that surprised and frightened him. There was something else there as well and, curious, he started to reach out only to be pulled back abruptly.

_That's Prentiss, you do not want to go there …_

For the barest moment he shared the other's curiosity and attraction for his friend and colleague the intensity of which took his breath away. Again he grabbed on to the presence next to him and he felt them tumble together like two children rolling down a grassy hill entwined and laughing. When he stopped rolling he was on a beach Guerin beside him.

They were sitting close, their bare raised knees just touching as the gentle waves lapped at their toes. When he looked at her she was young, unscarred, and almost radiant. Her hair was longer and a light brown and it was moving softly in the warm breeze. Her right hand on her knee had all five fingers intact.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"This is my secret place," the tone was slightly scolding and he knew he had arrived there uninvited. "It's OK though," she smiled and he felt instantly reassured. "I come here when things become too much." She looked out across the broad water at a green iridescent island in the distance. "I'm safe here."

She stood then reaching a hand down to pull him up. Her grip was strong and, when she pulled him to his feet, he felt again her immense power. Standing close in front of her he did not let go, instead he reached again to her wanting that strength and warmth. For a moment he felt his consciousness touch hers and her very being mingled with his.

He gasped as the rush of emotion overwhelmed him. Never had he felt so close to anyone; so close was he to her now that he was almost a part of her. Feelings tumbled together as he clung to her; warmth, and a reserved passion surrounding him. He breathed into it reaching for more.

_Whoa, dude!_

Abruptly he felt her break from him and then they were standing apart on a grey featureless plain surrounded by moving mist. He could see Robichaud standing behind Guerin taller than in reality she was calm, patient, caring. A gentle smile played across her face and he knew in that instant he would always be safe and cared for when she was near.

He shifted his gaze to Guerin and was surprised by the person who stood before him. She was not tall yet all the space around her was insignificant in comparison to her. She glowed golden in the grey light and he realized she wore burnished armour; blood splattered, golden armour. In her right hand she held a red stained broad sword. The green eyes flecked with yellow regarding him were intense, calculating and nearly emotionless.

_Me as I really am…_

She strode toward him and seized him by the front of his shirt. Instantly he was back in the rain kneeling in front of Guerin who blinked at him emotion coming back into her dark green eyes. She reached out and touched his cheek and he felt the strangeness of her damaged hand.

"Seriously, dude," she grinned at him and he felt again her warmth as well as a playfulness only hinted at before.

"You two want to get up?" Prentiss was glaring down at them impatient. "I walked over there," she gestured behind the ruined house, "and back and you're still here. What's so damn interesting?"

Suddenly her attention shifted and she took two long strides away from them. She halted standing still and looking down into the water which was nearly up to the top of her boots.

Reaching down she retrieved something and turned back holding it out. "Reid, does this look like the pendant Lacey Morrison was wearing in our pictures?"

Reid was on his feet moving toward Prentiss but Guerin got there first. "Give me that!" her voice was menacing.

Prentiss snatched it back. "Why? Why would you want it? Unless you know something…" she let her voice trail off the implication in the words dark and accusing.

Reid wanted to speak, to intervene, but didn't get a chance. Guerin's attention had shifted suddenly from Prentiss to something behind her. He followed her gaze out over the still water and felt a coldness that chilled him to the bone. In the periphery of his vision he sensed something moving and could almost see again the shifting grey mist he had just experienced.

"Give it to me," Guerin's attention was back on Prentiss and this time the words were commanding. She held out her left hand and, though she did so with obvious reluctance, Prentiss dropped the gold chain with the platinum heart pendant into her palm. "He needs to have it," Guerin said softly and walked away.

She had already rounded the corner of the tumbled down house and was approaching the deputy director, when the others started to follow.

Guerin stopped directly in front of Director Morrison and stared at him for a long moment. He lowered his umbrella the strength going out of his shoulders. Taking a few steps away from the sheriff and deputy he dropped to his knees.

"She's dead isn't she?"

"Yes, I'm sorry," Guerin knelt beside him, patted his hand gently.

Behind them the others stood in a loose group no one wanting to encroach on the moment of obvious grief.

"You know this for sure?" There was no sense he doubted her motives or how she could know, just pain at the loss and an intense need to know.

"I know this," she looked back over her shoulder at the old flooded garden then held out her hand to him the chain dropping from her open palm to hang from her thumb.

"Oh, God!" Morrison's voice broke and he crumpled in on himself his head bowed.

Reid started to take a step forward stopping when Robichaud caught his arm. "Non, Docteur Reid." He could see and feel the pain in her eyes, knew that she felt what he did. "She has to do this."

Guerin was kneeling on the ground directly in front of Morrison. She took his hand, dropped the pendant in his palm, and closed his fingers over it.

"She wanted you to know that she was brave. Brave like you taught her when she fell off the swing and broke her wrist." Morrison looked up meeting her eyes without surprise, not even when she recited the words only the two of them had ever shared: "I am here with you, my arms around you. You are always safe with me."

He bowed his head again sobbing softly.

Guerin touched his shoulder again gently and stood. Her face was a mask of sorrow and pain. For a moment she stared at the others then turned and began walking toward the opening in the woods that marked the start of the road. Robichaud ran after her. Catching up to her she caught her in a fierce embrace. They stood still for a while Robichaud talking softly in the other woman's ear then they walked off together close, fingers entwined.

"What do you think she is faking now?" Reid said to Prentiss pulling a handkerchief from his coat pocket and wiping his face. When Prentiss said nothing, only looked off over his shoulder at the destroyed house with its garden of death, he walked away headed for the road.

Once under the stark overhanging limbs of the trees the road was enclosed so darkly he felt a deep chill. Wrapping his arms around himself he walked on trying to put distance between himself and the despair that seemed to dog his steps. Feeling each step become an impossible burden, he reached out with his both his mind and his ears.

_When I go don't cry for me in my father's arms I'll be… it don't matter where you bury me … I'll be home and I'll be free … yeah, it don't matter where I lay …_

The voice was singing softly ahead of him yet all around. He followed it down the road his steps becoming lighter the further on he went.

At the top of the road, the big blue Escalade was backed in a little way down the track the rear tailgate up. Guerin and Robichaud sat in the open back Guerin swinging one foot idly as she drank from a bottle of juice. Robichaud nodded as he approached then went around the car getting into the back seat. The music was coming from a set of speakers attached to the underside of the tailgate.

"My little tailgate party," Guerin patted the space beside her and Reid ducked under the hatch and sat next to her. "This is how I unwind after something like that," she closed her eyes letting the sound wash over her.

The rain was coming down harder now pattering on the roof of the SUV. The woods were still and dripping, the road behind was free of traffic and silent. Right in that moment Reid found it easy to think that nothing existed except the rain, the music and the woman sitting beside him. He felt the despair and sorrow draining from him and, once more, the road was just a road and the woods just woods.

"You are full of questions, Doctor Reid, I know, but let me ask you first: What does that logical, ordered mind of yours make of all this?"

He looked away thinking, considering. "A couple of things," he began. "First, I think that it is true that we only know a fraction of what the human brain can do, and second," he paused, looked at her smiling, "I'm concerned you think my mind is ordered."

Guerin laughed as she pulled off her boots and jacket. "Come on inside," she motioned for him to do the same and they sat on opposite sides of the vehicle feet almost touching. Robichaud had one arm draped over the back of the seat and she was close but not involved. "Can you draw?" Guerin passed Reid a sketch book and several coloured pencils. "When I see something like that," she nodded down the road toward the field and the old house, "I like to get it on paper."

Reid took a black pencil began sketching the outline of the house as he recalled it. "Yes, but was it real?" He added purple for the lilacs and deep green for the trees behind the house. "How do you know?"

"I just do," Guerin was sketching not looking at him. "A place like that – well all places actually – hold memories, especially the heavy emotions."

"There's no scientific proof of that," Reid reached for the red to colour in the truck he had just drawn. "Memories and emotions can't be weighed or measured." He looked up then meeting her eyes, "What colour should I use for dread?"

Robichaud laughed heartily and Guerin gave him a playful kick with her sock foot.

Finished, he turned the drawing so she could see. She did the same and they looked at each other's similar sketch.

"Tres bon," Robichaud commented.

Reid looked at her inclining his head in question. "You saw it too?"

"Yes, through Guerin, like you."

"You can't by yourself?" he flipped to a new page started a new drawing.

"A little, I suppose," she considered. "That is not my talent and I am nowhere near as strong as she is."

Reid looked from Robichaud to Guerin, "What is her talent?" he asked.

"I have many skills," Guerin purred her eyes on her drawing.

Robichaud was quiet so long he thought she wasn't going to answer. "Empathy is one of her strongest," she said finally. "Like you and I have, yet a million times more. She can feel what others feel. Know their hearts better than they know themselves."

"That's how you got him to talk yesterday," Reid's hand went still and he looked up at Robichaud. He heard Guerin snort but kept his eyes on the psychologist.

"That was a little different, Doctor Reid," Robichaud responded. "That man neither consented to, nor wanted, Guerin in his head."

"I went in anyway," Guerin continued," and I got to see all his horrid little secrets." She sighed then seemingly tired. "But, I got my revenge," she looked up at Reid her eyes dark. "He loathes women so I made sure he knew it was me inside his skull raping him of his secrets like he raped those women."

Reid was still his eyes locked on those across from him. Slowly a smile spread on Guerin's face and he felt the anger slip away. She looked away out the tailgate. "Good timing, here comes Prentiss." She reached into her pants pocket, pulled out a white card and handed it to him. "By the way, will you give her this?"

Reid glanced at the card which had a phone number and an email address written on it. He nodded and tucked it in his shirt pocket. Behind him, Robichaud gave a tiny laugh.

After a beat, Prentiss appeared on the road walking swiftly her head down. Behind her the director and the two police followed. Director Morrison met Guerin's eye and nodded as he passed.

Prentiss stood hunched under the open tailgate looking in at them. "What are you doing?"

"We're colouring. Want to join us?" Reid replied. She just crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him.

"The sheriff is going to get a warrant and call in a crime scene unit. They should be here in a couple hours," she looked up as the sheriff's car pulled away. "The deputy is going to stay until they arrive."

Reid couldn't help grimacing. "Lucky him," he said softly.

"Le chocolat chaud, maintenant," Guerin said to Robichaud who opened a large thermos and began pouring cups. Almost instantly the sweet chocolaty scent spread through the back of the SUV. Prentiss lost her irritated look as she climbed in shaking the mud from her boots. Guerin handed her a cup, watched as she took a big mouthful, swallowed with a sigh of pleasure.

"You got a thing for chocolate," Guerin asked teasingly, "or just hot, sweet things?"

Prentiss scoffed but said nothing drinking her hot chocolate and holding the cup out for a refill. She took a donut when they were passed around and sat listening to the rain on the roof and the music from the speakers. She was silent and watchful.

Guerin watched her out of the corner of her eye as she turned her sketchbook for Reid and Robichaud to see. Reid leaned forward, eyeing the drawing and nodding.

"You got her nose just right."

Prentiss' eyes narrowed though she didn't take the bait.

"Mais oui," Robichaud commented.

"Yeah, took effort though," Guerin tore the used pages from her pad, rolled them and handed them to Reid. Prentiss followed the papers with her eyes, watching closely as Reid tucked them into an inside pocket of his jacket. "Let's get going," she gathered the pencils and tucked them in a pencil case. "I want to go home and not think about this place ever again."

**Evening of the Same Day, Guerin's house outside Washington **

Guerin was watching TV halfway through a large bowl of popcorn when Tergensen bustled in all excited and full of herself.

"We got it," she announced tossing her jacket over a chair and going to the bar where she poured vodka into a glass and downed it. "I told them they should put me in for a commendation," she poured more vodka taking time on this round to add ice.

"You?" Guerin muted the TV.

"Yeah, well you can't get it," Tergensen moved to stand directly in front of the flat screen. "Why shouldn't I?"

Guerin just stared at her watching as she started to unbutton her shirt with one hand. "Tell me where is Mich going again?" Tergensen finally asked. "I met her car at the gate."

"Atlanta for a conference."

"Good," Tergensen finished her drink, dropped the heavy crystal glass none too gently on the coffee table. "I want to spend some time alone with you." She pulled her shirt out of her pants, balled it up, and tossed it on the floor.

"Bitch, you stink!" Guerin snorted. "Go have a shower."

"I thought you liked the smell of girl sweat?" Yanking the undershirt that she wore in lieu of a bra over her head, Tergensen rounded the coffee table and leered down at Guerin. With one hand she took the popcorn bowl from Guerin's lap the other she rested on the 40 caliber Smith and Wesson holstered on her belt.

"You don't have to do that," Guerin sat up reaching for her belt buckle. "I knew you were horny as soon as you came in."

Tergensen laughed but said nothing watching closely as Guerin pulled her belt from the loops in her pants freeing the holster and cell phone which were cast aside on the couch. She bit her lip as her pants were slowly unbuttoned and the zipper drawn downward.

Guerin stood up suddenly her right hand pushing down Tergensen's pants to briefly grasp at her pubic mound before reaching deeper. "You little slut, you always want this," Guerin hissed in her ear pulling her hand out and dragging her palm roughly over Tergensen's belly up to, and over, her left breast. With the nail of her index finger Guerin traced the outline of the little sailboat Tergensen had tattooed just above her breast.

"So do you, G," Tergensen gasped as Guerin flicked her nipple with her thumb. She knotted her fingers in the short hair at the back of Guerin's head, drew the other woman's mouth to hers. The kiss was passionate and not gentle. At first Guerin resisted the probing tongue pressing for entrance to her mouth as her hands teased over Tergensen's bare back and sides.

Eventually she gave in letting Tergensen kiss her roughly as she moved her hand back into the other's pants and easily, smoothly, pushed her fingers inside her. Breaking the kiss, Tergensen breathed deeply, urgently, her eyes meeting Guerin's. A smile, secret and calculating, crossed her features.

"Not just your hand, your mind."

Guerin huffed out a breath her eyes locked on Tergensen's light blue ones as she reached out with her mind.

Tergensen had no barriers solid enough to block the stronger mind from hers even if she had wanted to. To Guerin she was wide open, her lust so intense that it immediately infected her. To Tergensen it was as if she were seized, first by the throat and then by the heart, as Guerin's mind enveloped and dominated hers. She squeaked incoherently, not in protest but in complete supplication, as she felt the most intense pleasure she had ever experienced scream through her mind and body.

Clinging to Guerin she dug her nails into the back of the other woman's neck her mind begging for more.

_Anymore and I kill you…_

_You'd like that, I know…_

The hand clutching her heart squeezed and, just for a second, she knew she had pushed Guerin too far as anger, hot and red, washed over her mind. For three full seconds her heart failed to beat until finally the grip holding her was relaxed and her heart began pounding once again blood rushing to her head.

_You ask too much sometimes…_

Guerin nibbled with her teeth at the skin of Tergensen's neck renewing her erotic assault on the other's mind. But this time she teased giving only a little at a time reveling in the frustration this aroused in the other woman.

_You want to be controlled by me…_

_Yes!_

_Tell me you are mine…_

_No one makes me feel like you do… please!_

This time she was not denied as orgasm flashed through both mind and body so far beyond anything she had ever experienced with anyone else as to render normal sex nothing more than a chaste kiss.

Guerin held the taller woman as Tergensen's body slowly lost strength and the spasms that held her fingers in a tight grip relaxed. Retrieving her hand from Tergensen's pants she pushed the other woman onto the couch. Tergensen sank into the soft leather still warm from where Guerin had been sitting.

She lay there breathing deeply as Guerin stared down at her with a mix of lust and contempt in her eyes. Bending down, Guerin kissed her tenderly as the wild sexuality between them ebbed.

"I'm going up to bed," Guerin whispered. "Join me when you have showered and got the taste of booze off your mouth."


	3. Stand in the Rain

**Chapter 3: Stand In the Rain**

**The next day near Cumberland, Maryland**

Her feet and legs dangling from the back of the Escalade, Guerin lay flat staring at nothing and thinking about next to nothing. Tergensen kicked her foot as she walked by on the way to the table with the stove and coffee maker.

"Bitch," Guerin said without bothering to move.

Tergensen turned the flame off under the Coleman coffee maker and poured the fresh brew into a large carafe. Taking an enamel mug she poured herself a cup, added cream and sugar, then went to the tailgate of the big SUV.

Putting one knee between Guerin's thighs, she leaned over the other woman. "What are you so smug about now?" Guerin looked up at her.

Tergensen smiled looking out through the front windshield of the Escalade. "Your friends are here," she patted Guerin on her stomach and then on her crotch.

Sitting up, Guerin pushed her away. She didn't need to ask 'who' Tergensen meant by friends. "Get lost, Dev," Guerin was saying as Prentiss, Reid and another man came around the back of the SUV. "Go show that cute chick from SWAT how big yer gun is or something."

Prentiss eyed Tergensen with barely restrained hostility. "Hope you got something bigger than that 40 cal," she looked past Tergensen at the group of emergency task force members standing near the center of the big barn. "She's got an MP5."

Guerin looked from Prentiss to Reid, moving over so the latter could sit beside her, then turning her attention to the other FBI agent. "This is Derek Morgan," Reid introduced the muscular black man with the shaved head. "He works with us."

Morgan extended a hand showing no surprise when Guerin shook with her left. "I've heard a lot about you," he smiled with genuine warmth.

"Yeah, like all the way here," Prentiss looked from Reid to the coffee carafe. "Want one Reid?"

While Prentiss and Morgan poured coffee, Guerin looked at the young man beside her. He seemed both curious and excited. "Are you seeing the world differently?" she asked him softly.

"Yes... well kind of," Reid looked at her intently. "I'd like to…"

"Not the time or the place, dude, maybe later," Guerin nudged his knee with hers. "So, what are you guys doing here?" she looked directly at Prentiss. "Stalking me?"

"Your colleague," Morgan answered nodding at Tergensen, "gave us a heads up this raid might have something to do with our missing women case."

"Maybe some of the live ones are on their list," Tergensen provided.

Guerin glared at her for a long moment before turning her attention to Morgan and Prentiss. The two FBI agents had made themselves comfortable in camp chairs, Prentiss pointedly ignoring Tergensen.

"What she means to say," Guerin said, "is we believe they are holding several women in the farm house that they planned to use as partial payment for the shipment from Europe."

"The ones he didn't kill then," Reid said. When Guerin just nodded he continued. "You were right about that place yesterday, by the way. Our analyst was able to find a connection to Bennett through his grandmother. We think he owns the property though nothing's in his name."

"They located four bodies yesterday," Prentiss stated showing no emotion and seemingly no concern. Guerin eyed her sitting with her knees apart one hand draped over the arm of the camp chair all loose and relaxed. She was wearing her Kevlar vest – all three of them were – with a windbreaker, dark cargo pants and combat boots.

_The girl is distracting if nothing else_, Guerin thought looking away. She heard Tergensen laugh and looked around in time to see her walking away.

Prentiss was watching as well. "What flag is she flying today?" she asked.

"Fuck if I know," Guerin hopped off the tailgate and reached inside for her gear.

"She doesn't let her subordinates know the details?"

Guerin noticed agent Morgan was watching Prentiss closely. She strapped on her own body armour, attached her holstered sidearm to her belt, and pulled on her rain jacket before answering.

"Actually, _she_ works for _me_," she didn't wait to see the response from the FBI agents as she started toward the side door of the barn. "I gotta pee."

Guerin was pulling up her pants when Reid appeared in front of her. "Dude, seriously," she said struggling to tuck in her heavy shirt with the weight of the 9mm Browning dragging down her pants.

When he said nothing, she gestured him toward the sheltered overhang of the barn. "At least let's not stand in the rain. Tell me what you need to say."

"It would be nice if the weather would break," Reid said looking up at the grey sky. When he looked back at Guerin his eyes were troubled.

Guerin sighed. "Are you going to tell me what's bothering you or do you want me to find out?"

"My mother is brilliant," he started slowly, "and she's schizophrenic. I'm wondering if I'm…"

"…going to be like her?"

Reid just grimaced, his mouth a tight line.

Guerin looked away for a moment then back at Reid. "Doctor Robichaud and I have done some work, if you will, with people with all sorts of mental problems and I can safely tell you that your mind is nothing like any crazy person I encountered."

"What is my mind like?" Reid asked tentatively.

Guerin met his eyes reaching out to just brush the edges of his consciousness with hers. "You're like no one I've ever met before," she began. "There's so much going on in your head; it's almost mathematical. Evaluating, assessing, comparing – I can't follow you. I'm more about emotions, not pure mechanics."

Reid looked away and she could tell he was not satisfied with her response.

"You don't want to know about the emotional part?"

Reid crossed his arms on his chest. "I've never really bothered with that."

Guerin thought for a moment before speaking. "You've never really had a relationship, have you?" she finally said. Reid just looked at her surprised and somewhat off balance. "You surprised me yesterday the way you seized on me. It makes me think you've never really been close to anyone in that way before."

"It's not supposed to be like that?"

Guerin tapped the rough barn shingles with her knuckles trying to come up with a way to say what needed to be said without crushing the man in front of her.

"It can be like that, it can be exactly like that when I want it to be, but that wasn't my intention with you. I know what you're feeling and I know I'm to blame because I misjudged you." She looked at him, could feel he was reaching for her and resisted. "I like girls, dude. Like, _really_ like girls. I can't be that way with you and I'm sorry if you thought I might."

"I've never felt anything like that before," Reid said softly, honestly, "that closeness. I never thought I wanted to."

Guerin took a step closer to him put a hand on his shoulder. "You can feel that way with someone and I don't mean what I do. When you find someone you really care about you'll know." She walked away from him back toward the barn door.

**Later**

Guerin was crouched behind a large maple tree when Prentiss found her. "They go in yet?"

"Yeah, just did."

Prentiss leaned in close looking over Guerin's shoulder at the farm house about 25 yards away across a barren lawn. Guerin could feel the warmth of her body only inches away. Sounds of shouting floated to them from the house along with what sounded like doors banging.

"So that guy they were waiting for finally came back?" Prentiss backed off just a bit her hand on the tree just over Guerin's shoulder.

"Yeah, he's the body disposal guy. Tergensen calls him Bennett's 2IC," she pronounced it 'two eye cee' for second in command. She looked over her shoulder at the woman behind and beside her.

Prentiss met her eye. "What's your part in this anyway," she asked.

_Besides admiring you in yer Kevlar and combat boots? I have no idea…_

"They needed me to get an idea of how many people were in the house and where; especially where the women are if they are hidden, which they are."

Prentiss seemed about to say something when Tergensen's voice spoke in Guerin's ear piece: "If you and Prentiss are done making out behind the tree, meet me at the side door."

"Bitch wants us at the house," Guerin said standing up and stretching.

"Yeah, I heard," the FBI agent started off ahead across the lawn.

The side door opened into a large mud room that appeared to be used mostly for storage judging by the amount of junk in it.

"When's A&E gonna come do their "Hoarders" episode?" Guerin asked not expecting an answer.

"In here," Tergensen called through the door from the kitchen.

Tergensen was alone in the massive room standing near an ancient wood and oil burning stove that was churning out an intense heat. Guerin took off her rain jacket tossed it over a chair. "Did they find them?"

"No…" Tergensen drew out the word derisively. "They checked the basement like you said but nothing."

"Let me look then," Guerin started toward a door to the left through which she could see stairs leading down.

"Stay with her, Prentiss," Tergensen ordered. "They want me up front."

Prentiss made an unpleasant noise as she followed Guerin down the stairs. "What's her problem, anyway?"

Guerin reached the bottom of the stairs and pulled out her flashlight. "I'm not sure you'd really want to know," Guerin said thinking back to the night before.

Prentiss said nothing just panned around with her own flashlight. The basement was large and mostly open. Behind them they could hear the floor squeaking as people walked around the level above. There was an old furnace, lots of shelves with dusty jars, and even more junk than the room upstairs.

Guerin went toward the rough stone wall that was under the far end of the mud room, began examining it closely. In the middle of the long wall she stopped and took a deep breath. Drawing in her energy she cast her mind outward reaching beyond the wall. She knew from studying the structure from the outside that there had once been another part of the house attached to the mud room and, most likely, another basement room.

At the edges of her consciousness, she could feel fear and despair. "Behind here," Guerin began pacing in front of the wall.

"What do you mean, behind? There's nothing there." Prentiss began striding toward the wall her boots almost silent on the earth floor until about six feet from the near end of the wall her foot came down hard on something with a hollow clang.

Immediately, Guerin dropped to her knees and began swiping away the loose dirt. Just underneath was a metal plate with a hand sized iron ring. "Help me," Guerin tugged upward on the ring.

It took the two of them to pull the plate up from the floor and drop it gently backward. The hole in the floor exposed a steep set of stairs leading down into the dark. Before Prentiss could protest, Guerin had started down. Once at the bottom, she was in a cold, brick lined tunnel that lead under the wall. Prentiss caught her as she started forward.

"We should wait for backup," she whispered in Guerin's ear.

Guerin ignored the request already moving forward to where light shone faintly down from an opening about twenty five feet farther on. Another steep set of stairs led up.

"Guerin!" Prentiss hissed but it was too late Guerin was already halfway up and peeking over the open hatch into the room beyond.

"Jesus, fuck," Prentiss heard her swear as she disappeared over the top.

Leading with her Glock, Prentiss followed more cautiously. At the top of the hatch she paused trying to take in the scene in front of her. There was a group of cages in two rows extending out from the back wall most of them occupied. Eyes blinked at the beam of her flashlight yet there was no sound from any of the women in them.

The only sound was Guerin's voice from her right. She turned slowly her flashlight and weapon moving together.

Guerin was talking softly to a terrified young woman as she gently guided her arms into the long sleeved heavy shirt she had moments before been wearing. The woman was sitting on a dirty mattress a broken manacle beside her left hand. When the shirt was fully around her body she clutched at it pulling her knees up and her neck down as if she could disappear into it. Prentiss realized then she had been naked except for something that looked like a dirty towel at her feet.

"It's OK, you're going to make it through this. You'll be alright. We're going to get you out of here," Guerin was saying.

Prentiss keyed the mike attached to her vest. "Morgan, get Tergensen and get down to the basement."

"Tell them to bring blankets, too." Guerin stood up slowly, started toward what looked like a pile of clothing under a table that was against the wall near the hatch in the floor.

Prentiss was trying to open the latch on the nearest cage when the two shots rang out. Guerin had stumbled against the table when Prentiss leaped across the room her weapon aimed into a dark opening to the left. Seeing movement she fired two quick shots.

A man grunted and fell back. Fishing her flashlight from her pocket she shone it into the opening the beam picking up a man laying flat on his back unmoving. One of her shots had caught him in the throat. She could see the blood pooling around his head as it reflected wetly in the light.

When she turned around Guerin was clutching her left arm at the elbow joint blood oozing through her two fingers and running down her bare arm. Prentiss shone her flashlight on the wound. "Are you hit anywhere else?"

"My side I think," Guerin lifted her arm and Prentiss could see a smudge of blood on her T-shirt just under her loose vest.

They could hear voices coming from the hatch in the floor and Tergensen was urgently talking out of the ear piece now dangling loose from its wire on Guerin's chest.

Morgan appeared first out of the hatch, then Tergensen and Reid.

"No one else comes in Devin," Guerin said harshly. "Not until we get them somewhat decent. They're scared and hurt. They don't need to be humiliated."

Tergensen just nodded.

**Later**

Guerin was unlocking the glove compartment of the Escalade when Prentiss got in the driver's side. All the vehicles had been brought from the barn to the farm house where they joined a multitude of emergency responders including several ambulances.

"How's your arm?" Prentiss asked shutting the door. The bandage the medics had applied was stained with blood. "Tergensen wants me to drive you to the clinic to get your arm seen to."

"It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch," Guerin had found a small case and was prying it open. "Type clinic in the GPS and hit enter."

As Prentiss backed the SUV away from the house, the pleasant female voice directed them to the Interstate and announced they had a drive of more than two hours ahead of them.

"Are you going to be alright?"

Guerin pulled the cap off a syringe with her teeth, spit it out. "I'll be just fine in a minute," she stuck the needle into her left bicep and pushed down on the plunger. "Don't worry about me; I have a lot of experience with pain meds."

Settling a towel under her wounded arm, Guerin leaned back sighing. After a few minutes, a slow smile played across her mouth. "Sweet," she sighed again. "God I love this stuff."

"You shouldn't get used to it," Prentiss shot a quick glance at the woman slumped in the seat beside her.

"Way too late for that," Guerin giggled her voice an octave or so higher than normal.

Prentiss said nothing, just concentrated on steering the SUV along the narrow county road.

"You're thrilled to be minding me, I can tell," Guerin was leaning back against the door one foot on the console between them. "You still think I'm a fake?"

When Prentiss looked at her the green eyes were hard. She said nothing refusing to be engaged.

"Why don't you profile me, you've got me here all alone," Guerin laughed again. "Not like anyone's going to know."

Prentiss knew she should hold her tongue not be egged into saying something she shouldn't, or playing Guerin's game, but her curiosity was too strong.

"Tell me one thing," she began, "what happened to your hand?"

Guerin held out her right hand as if seeing it for the first time, wiggled her fingers. "Pruning shears, I think it was."

"You cut off your fingers with pruning shears accidentally?" Prentiss was incredulous.

"Ah, no…" again the weird, drugged laugh, "it wasn't accidental, and it wasn't me."

Prentiss took a minute to put that together her mind bringing up the image of Guerin in the observation room and the scars on her back.

"What happened to you? Were you tortured?"

Guerin didn't answer as she was opening a water bottle with her teeth. She took a long drink dropped it into a cup holder. "What do you think?" she finally said.

"You seem to empathize a great deal with victims like that woman in the basement. It was like you knew exactly what she was going through. You knew that they needed to be protected from too many prying eyes – too many male eyes."

"Ah, score a point for Agent Prentiss," Guerin grinned.

"I would say you have a deep distrust of men except for the way you were with Reid yesterday, whatever that was." Prentiss noted the sign for the Interstate just before the GPS announced the turn. "You're surrounded by only women; women you have a strange relationship with."

"Score two."

"You want everything about you to be mysterious because you like the attention and want people to think you're some kind of secret operative."

"Minus two, Prentiss; you're wrong on both counts there."

Prentiss changed tactics tired of the game. "What's with you and Reid? He's got a big crush on you."

"Don't worry, I talked to him about that; explained to him I'm into girls."

Prentiss didn't react her eyes were on the road and the cars around them. It was getting darker now and the rain only added to the lack of visibility.

"I misjudged him," Guerin continued. "I didn't realize he was so lonely. He latched on to me and I didn't expect that."

"He thinks you are an empath; that you can feel what other people feel. He thinks you are all gentle and warm. That much I don't buy."

Guerin laughed, turned to look out the window. "What do you think?"

Prentiss trailed her hands over the steering wheel: down then up, and finally down again. "I think at your core you're much darker."

"Like you."

Neither said anything for a long time; Prentiss watching the road, Guerin staring at the GPS with the little car driving straight along the little road everything in its place and in order.

"Have you ever really been tested?" Guerin didn't wait for an answer just continued. "Ever had to stand up when it's all crashing down around you. When you think the pain is too much to ever bear?"

Prentiss glanced at her, said nothing.

"I never wanted any of this. Never asked for what happened to me. Calling me a fake is the worst thing you can say to me. You have no idea what it's like to be in the head of a guy like Bennett; to feel his delight at hurting those women. Feel it like it's your own. You might see shit like that every day in your job, but you can't feel it like I do. It just sucks."

She sat up then and reached for the iPod under the center console. "Enough of that," she punched on the stereo and selected a playlist, "time for some tunes and more good drugs."

**Later**

"_Arriving at destination…"_

Guerin opened her eyes and looked out the window at the familiar stone mansion. With effort she pulled her holster from her belt and shoved the weapon in the glove compartment. She looked over at Prentiss as the FBI agent shifted the SUV into park. "I was out for awhile?" Guerin asked noticing the music playing was not the playlist she had queued.

"Yeah, quite a while," Prentiss looked at the iPod. "I like your music. You have lots of stuff on there."

"Cool," Guerin pulled the cable from the iPod held it out to Prentiss. "It's 200 Gig. Take it; I got a couple more."

Prentiss took the device, slipping it in her pocket. "Thanks. This is the place?"

"Yup, Doctor Mehta should be expecting us," Guerin opened her door started to swivel her legs around and paused. "I don't think I can walk so well. Can you give me a hand?"

When Prentiss came around the car to help Guerin stand, the towel dropped at her feet. It was soaked in blood, as was Guerin's pants.

"You've lost a lot of blood," Prentiss draped the shorter woman's arm over her shoulder began walking toward the front door of the big house. The door was unlocked so she half dragged Guerin into the hall looking around.

"Oh, dear, dear," said a male voice with a pronounced South Asian accent as a short man in a lab coat came toward them. "In here, please," he preceded them into a room to the left.

"Up on the table," he helped Prentiss get Guerin on the narrow steel table then adjusted an arm rest under her injured limb. "Can you start an IV?" he looked at Prentiss.

"No sorry," Prentiss backed away as Dr Mehta came around the table and pulled down the tubing that was attached to a hanging fluid bag. Skillfully he inserted a needle in the back of Guerin's hand, set the flow of the IV liquid, and wrapped a blood pressure cuff around her arm. A monitor came to life above the table showing vital signs.

"Oh, my! Her blood pressure is very low. Has she been bleeding long?"

"It took us a couple hours to drive here," Prentiss provided.

Pulling on gloves, he began laying out sterile drapes over Guerin's arm. "Tell Tergensen next time get the helicopter." He broke the striped tape on a sterile instrument set flicking open the cloth wrapping.

After a few minutes of arranging instruments, lighting and swabbing with disinfectant, he looked at Guerin. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired and totally high," Guerin said with a giggle.

"You should not take so much Dilaudid. Not good for you," Dr Mehta scolded holding a syringe loaded with Lidocane. "I'm going to put in the freezing now. The artery has been nicked. I need you to be still."

"Is good for me," Guerin mumbled.

Dr Mehta seated himself on a stool, looked over at Prentiss. "You should sit as well," he said to her. "This will take a while."

He had been working for a few minutes before he looked at Guerin a sly smile on his face. "She is very pretty," briefly he looked at Prentiss. "Is she your latest conquest?"

"Ha ha, I wish!" Guerin laughed, risked a look at Prentiss.

"Is she single then?"

"I think you need to ask her that," Guerin let her head fall to the right looking directly at Prentiss. "One of his daughters told him she was gay. He's been trying to find her a wife ever since."

"You and Simran would have been good together," Dr Mehta said to Guerin before looking at Prentiss. "I was planning the wedding; so nice it would have been, goodness gracious, then this devil broke her heart," he made a clucking sound with his tongue before continuing. "For days she would not leave her room; always watching the Bollywood movies."

Guerin laughed at him grinning.

"He's only making that up," she said to Prentiss. "You notice how he gets more fresh-off-the boat with his accent?"

Prentiss just shook her head.

Dr Mehta worked in silence for a few more minutes before speaking again. "Still she is very pretty, Guerin. Tergensen must be desperately jealous." His accent when he said this was less South Asian and more British upper class.

"Desperate yes; jealous, I could care less." Guerin looked at Prentiss again. "He wanted to be an actor, so I hear."

"The Tom Cruise of Bollywood, I could have been," he waved a needle driver haphazardly his accent back. "Or maybe Russell Crowe…"

"More like Danny DeVito I think," Guerin teased.

There was silence again for a while as Dr Mehta applied stitches.

"And how did you manage to get yourself mixed up with Guerin and Tergensen?" Dr Mehta asked Prentiss breaking the silence. Finished with her arm, he pulled up her T-shirt to bandage the graze on her side.

"I have no idea anymore," Prentiss looked away.

**Later **

Guerin was nearly ready to collapse by the time they made it past the two gates and the retinal scanner at the door into the house from the garage.

"This is your place?" Prentiss looked around as she helped Guerin onto a stool at the granite counter that separated the main part of the great room from the attached kitchen.

"Your tax dollars at work," Guerin commented without passion. "Can you make me something to eat? My energy is very low. There's stuff for sandwiches in the fridge and bread in the bread tin."

Prentiss opened the fridge, began pulling out meat, mayo, tomatoes and lettuce. Without being asked, she handed Guerin a bottle of orange juice took one for herself. Guerin popped open two of the pill bottles provided by Dr Mehta. She swallowed an antibiotic and two pain pills.

"You must have a very low pain threshold," Prentiss was spreading mayo.

"Yer fucking hilarious, you know," Guerin's tone was surprisingly savage and Prentiss turned around to look at her. For a long moment they stared at each other until Guerin finally looked away. Prentiss went back to making sandwiches.

Once finished, she brought the two plates to the breakfast bar and they ate in silence. Guerin made short work of her sandwich, drained the last of her juice, stood up, and fell flat on her face.

Prentiss managed to wrangle the half conscious woman up to her bedroom, get her boots and bloody pants off. Guerin came to enough at that point to lurch into the bathroom. When she reappeared she was pulling off her shirt. She flopped on the bed, laid back on the pillows.

Prentiss arranged the pill bottles on the bedside table with a glass of water. When she looked down at Guerin, she froze. The scars on her chest were much worse than anything else Prentiss had yet seen on her body; deep and very obviously deliberate. Guerin pulled the sheet up over herself, sighed. "Sorry you had to see that."

"It's OK," Prentiss said. Guerin was already asleep.


	4. The Story

**Chapter 4: The Story**

Prentiss stopped at the bottom of the stairs that made a semi-spiral to the lower floor. The room around her was in shadow, the only light coming from the pot lights under the cabinets in the kitchen shining dully on the burnished copper appliances. Crossing the room, she turned on a lamp near the big sofa and looked around.

The sofa faced a flat screen TV mounted on the wall. Under the TV was an inset cabinet holding multiple electronic components. Several remote controls were lined up on the coffee table along with a few magazines and a satellite TV guide.

To her right, in the corner of the room, was a huge stone fireplace. Finding the controls, she turned it on setting the gas flow to low. She stood for a few minutes in front of the fire feeling the warmth slowly ease the chill from both her and the room.

Moving away from the fireplace she noticed an open door leading to an enclosed sunroom. The narrow room faced the back garden which was dark and uninviting. Farther on French doors opened onto a large patio that was probably sunny and pleasant at any other time of year. At the farthest end of the great room an archway led into a big, nearly pitch black room.

Flicking a series of switches illuminated one full wall of bookcases. A heavy wooden table dominated the center of the room with a seating area to one side. The corner of the room was a curved wall of thick glass bricks with more windows on either side. Even in the wane January sun, the library would be beautiful.

Crossing back through the great room she passed an eight seat dining table scattered with everyday items such as a sweater over one chair, unopened mail in a neat pile and a set of keys. Next to the breakfast bar was a wet bar with numerous bottles illuminated by overhead lights. A dark doorway straight ahead led into a hallway that branched to the left down a dark passage or continued straight ahead.

Moving forward down the shorter, brighter hall, Prentiss found two neat bedrooms that looked as if they were rarely used. Walking back up the hall she tried a door on the left. It opened to a dark room that smelled faintly like a hospital. Turning on the lights, she discovered why. In the center of the room was an operating table similar to the one at Dr Mehta's clinic. It was surrounded by medical and electronic equipment and the perimeter of the room was lined with cabinets and lab equipment. At the foot of the table and on the arm rests, strong leather restraints awaited an occupant.

Disturbed, Prentiss backed out. One more door opened off the hallway and it was partially ajar. The light switch lit inset lighting on a wall unit to the left, pot lights on the right wall, and a Tiffany lamp on the desk. This room was a comfortable office far more inviting than the lab across the hall. Behind the desk was a large window overlooking the garden and to the right was a well used dark leather sofa.

Beyond the sofa on the right hand wall, small spotlights were aimed to illuminate a series of photographs mounted on the paneling. Curious, she moved forward to get a better look. There were five pictures, none larger than 8 by 10.

In the first, Tergensen and Guerin were wrestling over a football both women looking relaxed and happy. Tergensen might have been someone else so different did she appear. Her bare legs and arms were suntanned and her hair appeared a slightly darker shade of red. The look of blissful enjoyment on her features changed her completely. The background was a smudge of green with spots of bright floral colours and Prentiss suspected the photo had been taken in the back yard.

In the next picture, Guerin was seated at a table with two women. There was an empty wine bottle and three glasses as well as a small candle on the table. The woman on the left was Dr Robichaud and she was looking just slightly at Guerin her hand on the other woman's forearm. On the other side, a woman Prentiss has never seen before was smiling at the camera, her head inclined to the right. She had very short dark, curly hair and the shape of her nose and her complexion suggested African American heritage. Her eyes were light brown and inquisitive, almost almond shaped, as if she also had an Asian ancestor. In the center, between the two women, Guerin managed only a slight smile for the camera. She was pale, the scar on her forehead looking fresher under hair that was whiter than the platinum blonde she had now.

Moving on to the next photograph Prentiss noted the subject was similar with Guerin and the two women but the setting was not nearly as relaxed. Guerin sat on a hospital bed looking tired and emaciated in a dark T-shirt and sweat pants. Her skin was very pale, the scar on her forehead even more pronounced, and her hair was a shocking white and patchy. Her hands were on her knees; the right hand with the missing digits looked far more raw and was partially wrapped in a bandage. Her eyes were vague and looked at neither the camera, Dr Robichaud, nor the other woman.

The fourth photograph seemed entirely out of place altogether. Prentiss stared at it a long time before she realized the woman with the light brown hair, wearing a military uniform, and kneeling on the dusty ground with a partially destroyed crude stone building behind her, was Guerin. She had an M16 rifle across her back and her helmet was discarded in front of her. The setting could have been Iraq but was more likely Afghanistan since the uniform with the ISAF shoulder patch was possibly British or more likely Canadian. Something bad had obviously just happened the photographer catching Guerin completely unguarded. Blood ran down the side of her face from a gash next to her left eye and she was obviously emotionally drained and maybe even in shock. The overall affect of the photograph was striking, a once in a lifetime moment captured and preserved.

The last picture was of Guerin and another woman the camera closely framing their two smiling faces. Guerin was looking over her shoulder at the woman who embraced her tightly from behind, her chin next to Guerin's ear. The embrace was playful, careless and incredibly loving. The other woman was young, no older than thirty, with striking blue eyes and light red hair similar to Tergensen. Guerin looked younger, casual and totally natural. Her eyes were the same dark green but open and gentle. There were no scars visible and her right hand where it gripped the arm around her neck was intact. Her hair was longer and the same light brown as in the military photo. Two women, totally in love, totally free, their whole lives ahead of them.

Prentiss took a step back bumping into the desk as a chill invaded her. She clutched her arms around her body feeling suddenly uneasy. Although the picture caught a moment of happiness, she found it deeply disturbing.

Turning to leave, she froze caught in the grip of a pair of brilliant blue eyes. The two stared at each other for a moment until the cat blinked and yawned. Prentiss let out a breath she wasn't aware she was holding. The cat walked across the desk toward her, nudged her hip with its head.

It was a breed of Siamese judging by the blue eyes though the shape of its head was more round than wedge like and the colouring was paler more fawn brown. The cat sat looking up at her its gaze intelligent and knowing. Hurriedly Prentiss left the room dousing the lights as she went.

Back in the other room she went to the bar and chose a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label. A nearly full bottle of Blue Label was beside it, but she knew that would be wasted on her in this mood. Downing the first shot, she poured another locating ice in the little fridge.

For a long time she sat on the sofa in front of the dark TV the scotch slowly dispelling the ghosts that roamed the fringes of her mind and the rooms of this odd, dark house. She had briefly entertained the thought of just leaving despite both Tergensen and Dr Mehta telling her not to leave Guerin alone.

Thinking of JJ, she turned her left hand palm up to check her watch. She was surprised to find it was twenty after one in the morning. JJ would be sleeping and would probably not mind her calling, she just couldn't remember if it was today or tomorrow JJ's parents were coming to pick Henry up for a visit. If she remembered correctly they were supposed to stay overnight before taking Henry back to Pennsylvania with them. Instead of calling she contented herself with thinking about JJ: the smell of her hair, the smoothness of her bare skin, the taste of her mouth when they kissed. Sighing, Prentiss dropped her head back on the couch. More thoughts like that and it would be a very long night indeed.

Yet she didn't compartmentalize the thoughts about JJ like she had the strange series of photographs in the other room, instead she let them linger, warm and comforting, as she pulled off her boots, holster and cell phone. Settling on her side on the couch with the throw blanket over her, she imagined her hands slowly caressing the blonde's warm back as they lay in bed together, content and tired from making love.

_Soon, please God, soon…_

With a _mrrrp_ of warning the cat jumped up on the couch settling close to her with its front paws tucked under its chest. Prentiss petted it hesitantly finding its fur surprisingly soft. When she stroked it behind the ears it purred in appreciation.

**05:35**

The cat going on alert woke Prentiss. It leapt across her stomach up to the back of the couch. Reaching for her weapon, Prentiss sat up and a moment later the front door opened and closed and footsteps crossed the floor toward her.

"Please lower your gun, Agent Prentiss," said a female voice and a woman stepped into the light cast by the lamp. Recognizing the third woman from the pictures of Dr Robichaud and Guerin, Prentiss holstered her Glock.

"I'm Doctor Manuela Grayson," she was unbuttoning her long wool coat. "I'm here to relieve you." She tossed her coat over the back of the couch and extended a hand to Prentiss. "Please call me Mani," she said this with a slight smile as she grasped Prentiss' hand firmly.

"Supervisory Special Agent Emily Prentiss, FBI," Prentiss recited her full title returning Grayson's handshake. The slight twinkle in the other woman's eye told her that rank and station were relatively meaningless for her.

"Emily…" Grayson said regarding Prentiss in the same unnerving way that Guerin had. She was older than Prentiss had expected from the photographs, closer to fifty than forty five, and her short hair had hints of grey flecked throughout, most prominently at the temples. She had nothing of Tergensen's attitude in her open gaze and did not seem quite so reserved as Dr Robichaud. Prentiss liked her immediately even finding her rather attractive.

As if sensing this, Grayson's mouth curled into a smile. Not impressed with being left out, the cat gave a sharp _mrrroww_. "I see you've met Hermione," Grayson patted the feline head.

Prentiss raised her eyebrows, "Where's her magic wand?"

Grayson laughed pleasantly, "She doesn't need one, not this little girl." The cat was wrestling with Grayson's hand, belly up on the back of the couch. "Anyhow," she released the cat, "I'm going to go check on Guerin. There's a bedroom at the end of the hall where you can have a shower," she pointed to the hallway Prentiss had explored earlier. "In the closet are all sorts of clothes if you want to change. Don't worry about returning them." She turned and started for the stairs. "I'll make us some breakfast when I'm done with Guerin."

**Later**

The smell of bacon frying greeted Prentiss as she came out of the hallway and into the kitchen area; also coffee. Dropping the clothes she had worn yesterday on the couch, she made a beeline to the coffee maker. She poured a cup holding out the carafe to Grayson. "More?"

Grayson passed her mostly empty mug, "Yes, please. Just cream, no sugar, I'm sweet enough."

Prentiss took a long drink of coffee watching as Grayson removed strips of bacon from the large frying pan. "Anything I can do?"

"You can get some bread for toast. If there are English muffins I'll have one."

As Prentiss removed two English muffins from the bread tin and began separating them with a fork, she noticed the subtle way Grayson had been regarding her. The closet in the bedroom she had showered in had indeed held a variety of clothes. She had chosen a pair of chino style pants in a dark grey that fit her perfectly and a dark red long sleeved shirt over a white undershirt. With her hair loose around her shoulders and still slightly damp, she knew she looked good.

"How would you like your eggs?" Grayson drained the bacon fat from the pan leaving just a hot thin coating on the bottom.

"Over easy, please," while Grayson prepared two eggs for each of them, Prentiss put the bread in the toaster and set out plates and utensils on the breakfast bar. When all the food was ready, they settled on the broad stools and began to eat.

"How is Guerin?" Prentiss asked between bites of runny eggs.

"Very good," Grayson choose another slice of bacon her long elegant hands drawing Prentiss' appreciative glance. "She heals very fast although she will be sleeping for some time yet. How did she get the bruise on her cheek?"

"Oh," Prentiss put down her fork. "That was probably when she fell last night," her eyes were drawn to the spot on the floor where Guerin had done her header.

"It is very dangerous for her when her energy gets so low and the pain medication doesn't help the situation, but I don't expect you to know that." Grayson paused then added, "She told me you make a very good sandwich." Her eyes were playful tempering her previous statement.

"Is she addicted to pain killers?" Prentiss asked bluntly. "She took a lot yesterday."

"In some respects I suppose you could say she is," Grayson began slowly. "She still suffers from occasional severe headaches so there are always some narcotic pain relievers accessible and we – Dr Robichaud and I – don't deny them to her."

"Are you a psychologist as well?"

"No, I'm a neurosurgeon," Grayson watched Prentiss closely for her reaction. The other woman was eyeing her, puzzled.

Prentiss got up, returned to the breakfast bar with the coffee carafe, cream and sugar. "I'm not sure I really understand what's going on here," she said sitting down again pouring them both more coffee.

Grayson laced her fingers together over her empty plate. She was regarding Prentiss as if considering what to say. "Guerin is the dark star we all orbit around."

That wasn't what Prentiss had expected. Her gaze dropped from the brown inquisitive eyes to the strong graceful hands. Hands of a surgeon, she now realized, hands she could easily imagine holding a scalpel rock steady and confident. Without apparent reason she also began to imagine those same hands intimately touching her bare skin. Coughing slightly she looked away ending that thought abruptly.

_What is wrong with me lately?_

"Please don't ask me to profile her."

"I won't," Grayson responded. "I can tell you are very confused. It's probably because you are so practical; your mind just doesn't go in the direction it needs to go to understand Guerin."

"Now you're profiling me?" Despite the strangeness of the conversation, Prentiss couldn't help but enjoy sparring with the attractive, older woman across from her.

Grayson laughed, "I'm more into how the brain works than what it thinks about. That's Mich's domain." It took Prentiss a moment to realize she was referring to Dr Robichaud by the shortened version of her French first name.

After a beat, Grayson continued. "Ask me what you want to know, Emily, and I know you have questions. I will do my best to answer."

"She was tortured?" Prentiss blurted and immediately wondered if she had said the wrong thing by the look of deep pain that came into Grayson's eyes.

"Yes," the other woman answered, "although that is her story to tell and I don't think she has told anyone the entire story except for Mich." She looked away for a moment then back at Prentiss. "You deal with victims of trauma at the BAU, do you not? Does she present as a victim to you?"

Prentiss thought for a moment before answering. "Yes, she does in a lot of ways besides the physical scars. She's angry and probably deeply distrustful. Wary and guarded by times yet boastful on occasion. When I called her a fake she…"

"Oh, dear," Grayson interrupted her head snapping up and her eyes flashing. "The last person that said that to her she rendered unconscious without so much as a slap. He woke up two days later. She must really like you to stand that."

Many things occurred to Prentiss that she wanted to say, yet she remained still letting the thoughts tumble over each other until one separated itself from the others.

"…_without so much as a slap_?"

Grayson leaned her elbows on the hard granite surface looking directly at Prentiss. "Your practical mind will not be able to explain the things that she can do, yet you've seen her do inexplicable things with your own eyes."

"It's all explainable…"

"Is it?" Grayson said with a layer of steel in her voice Prentiss had not heard before. "You believe that if you want, but answer me this: What did you feel when she looked at you?"

Prentiss swallowed hard as a torrent of emotions rushed through her.

_She looked right through me; right into my darkest places. I was exposed, scared, like she knew…_

_Do they know what you are? _

Unable to cope she jumped to her feet, started toward the door.

"Emily, stop!" Grayson's raised voice held a powerful authority. Prentiss stood still her hands shaking at her sides as the other woman came to her. "Guerin will be down here in a minute if you don't calm yourself," her eyes went to the stairs then back to Prentiss who was now breathing deeply her hands balled into fists.

With great effort she stilled her mind, imagining all the wild emotions draining out of her as if she had pulled the stopper in a bath tub full of water.

"That's better," Grayson's hand rested lightly on her arm. "You have remarkable control; when you want to use it." Prentiss looked at the other woman but did not say anything. "What you don't know, what you couldn't know, is that Guerin is also something of a catalyst."

"What?"

Grayson sighed, "She can stir up feelings in people inadvertently; usually people who have unresolved issues or an unrecognized latent ability themselves."

Prentiss just looked at her. If it were not for the intense feelings she had just felt, she would not believe they were having this conversation.

"I really don't understand."

"Of course you don't," Grayson's tone was gentle. "You need to talk to Guerin." When she saw the resistance in Prentiss' eyes she amended, "If not her then someone. Rage like that will eat you up."

Prentiss didn't ask how she knew what she felt was an undirected rage, what she meant by latent abilities or unresolved issues, what a catalyst was, or even how she seemed to know everything that had gone on over the last few days, she just felt an intense need to get away.

Grayson's hand dropped from her arm. "I'll call the car for you; the driver will take you anywhere you want to go."

"Thank you," Prentiss started toward the door that led to the garage meaning to collect her small kit bag with her Kevlar vest from the Escalade. She stopped at the door, her hand on the knob.

"I'm sorry I upset you, Emily," Grayson placed her clothes and boots on the floor next to her sock feet dropping her cell phone in one boot.

"I'm ok, Mani," she said the other woman's name hesitantly. "I'm going to wait outside."

Grayson nodded, and turned away taking a cell phone from her pocket.

The front of the house had a sheltered alcove with a cast iron bench. Prentiss propped her feet one at a time on the edge of the bench as she laced up her boots. Sitting down she pulled on her windbreaker zipping it tight as the weather had turned decidedly cold.

The sky to the east was just beginning to show the coming dawn; deep cobalt blue giving way to azure and pale orange. Chilled, she thrust her hands in the pockets of her jacket her right hand finding the iPod Guerin had given her last night.

She fished the set of earbuds out of her kit bag that she carried for occasional use with her cell phone, and pushed them into her ears. The iPod must have been activated by her handling it as immediately she heard sound though it was not a song.

There was heavy breathing then a voice, strained and distant spoke:

_**You should never have loved me. I wish you had never loved me. I am so sorry…**_

Prentiss dropped the iPod and the earphones were jerked from her ears. Her mind went of its own accord to the photograph on the wall of the office; the one of Guerin and the woman who had loved her and been loved in return. She felt a deep, consuming grief she knew was not her own and fought hard to push it way.

After a moment she picked up the iPod looking hesitantly at the little screen. A music file was now queued, not an audio file. Prentiss replaced the earbuds, started the music and turned up the volume.

The second movement of Dvorak's _New World Symphony_ had just ended when the big Mercedes pulled into the circle in front of the house.

Upstairs in the house, Guerin laid her head in Grayson's lap her body trembling.

_She's connecting with me and I'm not doing it._

_I know. She's stronger – and darker – than you expected._

**Later that morning at the BAU**

Crossing the foyer JJ glanced into the bullpen and paused. She didn't expect to see anyone here this early, yet there in Emily's workspace was a familiar form. Emily's back was to her, her head resting on the back of her chair in a relaxed posture.

JJ took her coat and briefcase to her office and returned walking silently toward Prentiss. When she got closer she could see the other woman was asleep. Her feet were up on her desk beside her computer monitor crossed at the ankles.

An iPod was held in her slack hand and one of the earbuds had dropped onto her chest. Reaching out a hand to touch her leg and wake her, JJ paused. Emily's face was so peaceful it seemed almost a sin to rouse her. JJ just stood watching her chest rise and fall, listening to her indrawn breaths and softer exhalations.

Staring at the dark haired woman she realized the one thing that would make her life complete would be to wake up every morning next to this woman. To come home to her every night, to sit across the table from her at meals, to think about her being there, right there, every day would be as much as she could ever ask for and then some.

Emily had not pressed her in the weeks following the rediscovery of their feelings for each other; she had let JJ make her own decisions. And those decisions had been slow in coming. Will was still a ghostly presence between them, neither in her life nor totally out of it. JJ had asked for her keys back and changed the locks for good measure, but he still wanted to be involved with her if only through Henry. JJ had yet to see how this could fit with being with Emily full time.

Prentiss disliked the man, JJ knew, and though she never interacted with him, she could hardly even speak civilly of him. Looking at Emily she knew the woman sleeping so relaxed and vulnerable was more, so much more, than Will would ever be for her. As this thought crossed her mind she felt an intense desire. She longed to lean over Emily, caress her chin with just the tips of her fingers as she woke her with a soft, sweet kiss to her slightly parted lips.

Emily would stir, her eyes opening lazily. She would return the kiss with that languid confidence that so attracted JJ. Those beautiful hands would sneak a tender touch up her hips, to clutch lightly at her waist as Emily deepened the kiss her body arching to JJ as she asked for more. JJ would respond as she always did, with no restraint, feeling herself melt so slowly, so completely into the other woman. She would ache for those amazing hands to be all over her as Emily's mouth found her most tender spots and the most intense pleasure would be drawn from her as she let go of reality with complete abandon.

Closing her eyes for a moment, JJ breathed out. Finally deciding she needed to act or be stuck here lost to an erotic fantasy, she reached out to touch Emily. As she did her hand brushed the iPod and music began coming out of the earphone loose on Emily's chest.

…_all of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am, so many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am, but these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to, it's true, I was made for you…_

Pulling back JJ noticed Prentiss open one eye looking at her an indulgent smile spreading across her mouth. She touched the iPod and the music stopped. Both eyes now regarded JJ as Prentiss arched her back stretching lazily. With one foot she brushed JJ's thigh where the blonde woman leaned against the desk. Her eyes seemed to darken as she regarded JJ a slow burn of desire beginning in their depths.

JJ felt as if all the thoughts that had been moving through her mind were right there for Emily to see. For a moment she was caught off guard but, as she met the dark gaze that held her immobile, she felt herself wishing it would always be this way; that they would always be this open to each other.

"Is Garcia here yet?" Emily asked with a yawn though her eyes said she was hardly sleepy.

JJ bit her lip slightly. "No," she answered, "and I have a key."

A playful look made its way across Emily's features. "Would you like to go make out with me, Jennifer?"

"Oh, yeah."

Prentiss dropped her feet to the floor, got up. "Meet you there in a few minutes," she said as she walked out of the bullpen.

Finding JJ in the dim room was a simple matter: before Emily had taken more than a few steps arms were around her neck and the blonde's mouth was on hers. She responded hungrily to the kiss, lifting JJ by her hips to plop her down on the edge of the table that held Garcia's monitors, keyboards and abundant doodads.

Several of the colourful toys tumbled to the floor neither woman noticing. Emily's hand was at JJ's waist pulling her blouse from her pants. JJ gasped when cool fingers teased across her bare skin. Her lips broke from Emily's and she found the other woman's neck with the tip of her tongue then her teeth, She felt Emily press harder against her as a shiver moved through her abdomen.

JJ traced Emily's collarbone with her mouth until she found the warm hollow at the base of her throat. She teased the soft skin with her tongue as Emily's strong hands moved up and down her bare back inside her blouse. Pulling Emily's shirt loose, JJ pressed a hand against the other woman's bare belly. Emily breathed in sharply as JJ pushed her hand downward.

"Do you want me to?"

Prentiss never got a chance to answer.

A key turned in the lock and Garcia came into the room humming to herself.

"Hey, Garcia its Emily," Prentiss said softly.

The door swung shut as Garcia gave a squeak of surprise and dropped her big tote bag. Prentiss could feel JJ smiling against her chest as she turned her head enough to add, "And me too."

"What are you two…" Garcia moved toward the lamp on her desk.

"Don't turn the light on yet, please," Emily requested as she separated herself enough from JJ to begin tucking in her shirt.

Garcia plunked her mug next to a keyboard with enough force to bring the monitor in front of it back to life. A dim light seeped into the room, enough for Garcia to locate her two colleagues and regard them over her glasses.

"I should tell you two to get a room, but obviously you have; it just happens to be mine."

JJ laughed her arms still around Emily's neck reluctant to let her go. Emily returned the embrace pulling the blonde to her tightly with a growl of disappointment.

"Oh, well don't let me interrupt you," Garcia sat down and pulled her chair up to her desk. "And please, I know you didn't come in here to have a potluck and process about your cats."

Prentiss laughed but JJ didn't get it, "What?" she asked.

"Things lesbians do for 800, Alex," Prentiss provided.

"Garcia, sometimes I think you're more gay than I am!" JJ blurted.

"Oh, dear God; not right now I'm not!"

Prentiss laughed hugging JJ again. "My place tonight," she said in JJ's ear.

"It's supposed to snow," Garcia had overheard, "if you two teenagers are lucky, Hotch will let us out of school early." She began logging on her systems pointedly ignoring her two friends.

JJ hopped down from the desk her foot crunching something on the floor. All three women looked down and JJ bent to pick it up. Garcia finally turned on the lamp as JJ handed her the shattered remains of some plastic thing.

"Sorry, Pen." Tucking in her blouse, JJ gave Prentiss a quick kiss and left the room.

"You two really need to spend more time together, Em."

Prentiss sat in a chair next to Garcia and took the iPod from her shirt pocket. She turned it in her hand several times before placing it next to Garcia's keyboard. "Can you see if there are any strange files on this?"

"Strange like what?" Garcia asked finding a USB cable in a drawer and plugging it into the iPod and the nearest CPU tower. She opened an application and files began filling the window. Garcia squinted at the monitor, "Oh wow! I think every song that was ever written in the seventies is on here!"

"Yeah, it's got lots of songs. I've only listened to a couple of the playlists."

Garcia clicked her mouse and one of the playlists displayed. She blinked, cocked her head and blinked again. "You've got to be kidding!"

"What?" Prentiss leaned closer.

"Lady Gaga, So Shy, Joydrop, Adam Lambert, Superchick, Bob Sinclar, Bjork, 30 Seconds to Mars, Cowboy Junkies, Natacha Atlas …"

"Crazy, I know," Prentiss sighed.

"Not crazy, it's totally genius!" Garcia said with appreciation. "If you put this together you've got a lot more going on than I thought."

Prentiss sat back, "It's not mine," she answered. "Well, it is now but I didn't…"

"Whose…" Garcia's face changed and Prentiss could swear she paled. "That girl with the missing…" she couldn't finish. "I spent half the night last night researching her," she met the other woman's eyes reluctantly. "Reid asked me to," she paused turned back to her monitor. "When Reid gets here tell him I have the info for him, and you too I guess."

Prentiss got up to leave, stopped at the door when she heard Garcia say: "It's not good, Emily."

Somehow Prentiss already knew that.

**Later**

Reid and Prentiss were standing behind Garcia when the door opened and JJ and Morgan came in. Reid glanced at them but did not say anything. JJ moved to stand just behind and beside Prentiss; their shoulders almost touching.

Garcia cleared her throat, "It's probably not possible to condense someone's life into just a paragraph, but anyway, here goes." She paused for a moment then added, "Oh, and this is all just speculation because you had me chasing a ghost Reid, literally."

One of the large monitors came to life with a picture of a woman in a military uniform. Prentiss recognized Guerin from having seen the series of photos on the wall of her office. Reid was looking at the monitor quizzically as if he recognized her. Morgan and JJ didn't seem to make the connection.

"Guerin Garrison born in Campbellton, New Brunswick, Canada entered the Canadian Forces at age eighteen in 1982. She served as an MP on numerous overseas peacekeeping tours with an exemplary record, and then in 1994 went into training to become an officer at Royal Military College graduating with a degree in Military and Strategic Studies and a commission as a second lieutenant. She then went on to McGill University in Montreal for a Masters degree in International Relations and after that went into the infantry serving in the mentoring and liaison program in Afghanistan where she was wounded during her first tour in 2002 - 2003."

The image on the monitor was replaced with the poignant photo of Guerin kneeling in the dust bleeding from her temple. "Whoa," Morgan leaned closer, "that's a helluva shot," he said in appreciation.

Garcia glanced over her shoulder, "It won a Canadian Press award in 2003. The next year, Garrison and another woman went missing on a camping trip in California sometime around September 28th 2004." Garcia hit a couple keys and another monitor displayed an image of young woman with light red, shoulder length hair and intense blue eyes.

Prentiss sucked in a breath but JJ was less restrained. "Oh my God," she said moving closer behind Garcia, "she's gorgeous!"

No one in the room disagreed.

The woman sat on the top part of a picnic table leaning slightly forward her knees apart, strong, long-fingered hands resting limply on each knee. She was wearing a plain white T-shirt with the sleeves cropped off and loose black cargo shorts. In each ear she had a dark red ruby earring - the one on the left catching the light with a colourful sparkle. Her expression was mesmerizing; she stared out of the photograph directly at the viewer with a mix of confidence and sexuality. A slight smile played at the corners of her mouth as if she knew everything about you and you were the only one that mattered.

She had that mix of masculine and feminine that so appealed to JJ. Exchanging a look with Prentiss, she found the other woman's eyes dark and pained.

"Claire Anne Francine Johnson, native of Rimouski, Quebec, age 29. She was an artist and musician," Garcia paused, adjusted her glasses. "Her body was found near Lake Topaz, Nevada on October 4th 2004. She had been stabbed, sexually assaulted, and left to bleed to death. Her body showed signs of torture lasting several days at least."

Prentiss made an inarticulate sound and turned away. Reid looked at her sharply, his eyes concerned. JJ caught the dark haired woman's hand held it tight.

"Moving on, as awful as it is," Garcia started again. "A day later your mystery woman was found wandering alone about five miles from where the other woman had been found. She was badly injured. I can't give you details because there's not a lot of information available. Suffice to say she had been through a similar ordeal. She was hospitalized, provided the local cops with a detailed description of their abductors, yet no arrests were made."

Garcia paused again, looked at Reid when she said, "Here's where it gets really interesting." When Reid nodded, she continued. "After eight days in hospital, Garrison walked away in the middle of the night. Two days after that, the first male victim was found. He was nailed to a fence," she brought up another image, one that was as gruesome as it was spectacular, "his knees were crushed probably with a hammer; he had been stabbed multiple times and castrated."

"Christ!" Morgan stared at the monitor, "is that his…in his mouth?"

"It is," Prentiss was the one to answer, her voice cold. Morgan looked at his colleague, surprised at the chill he saw in her eyes. JJ dropped her hand uneasy at her reaction.

"The bodies of four more men were found in the next few days," Garcia continued, "they were all killed in a similar fashion and all five had been assaulted initially within hours of each other. Not surprisingly, the authorities began looking for Garrison. Three days after the last body was found she was caught in a standoff at a gas station off the Interstate in Arizona. She was armed and holding hostages. Before being shot through the plate glass window of the convenience store, she confessed to all five murders."

"She survived?" Reid asked slowly.

"She lived for ten months in a coma until…" Garcia brought up a news article on one of the monitors. The headline read "Accused Killer Dies in Prison Hospital".

"After that, there's nothing," Garcia stopped hands over her keyboard.

"_Best not to ask too many questions about me_," Reid recited, looking at Prentiss.

"So she's not dead?" Morgan asked confused.

"I guess that's a matter of opinion," Garcia turned fully around, looked at Reid again. "That's all there is on her, most of it comes from an investigative reporter from the _Toronto Star_. There are no police reports; they were destroyed in a fire, so we are led to believe, though I could only find one report for a fire at either a California or Nevada police department and it was for a very minor one."

"What about the victims?" JJ asked.

"The case is closed on the five men. No great loss, so it seems. They were suspected in other abductions and rapes so it was easy to just forget I suppose." Garcia turned back to her keyboard, typed. "Claire Johnson has her own memorial website," on one of the screens the same picture displayed with the dates 1974 – 2004. There was more in French.

"Gone from us yet not forgotten," Prentiss read.

"Did you run her through the government system?"

Garcia looked at Reid again to answer his question. "This morning on the way in, I stopped at an Internet café and hacked the major databases. As soon as I sent the query on her name a bunch of flags went up and the system began reverse locating me. I logged off, wiped the memory and hard drive and got the heck outta there."

"Do you really think that's her?" Morgan said. "Seems like a completely different person than the one I met yesterday."

"It's her," Reid and Prentiss said at the same time.

Prentiss moved behind Garcia, put her hands first on the analyst's shoulders then on the back of her chair. "Garcia, do a search on these two women and compare their work histories looking for any time they overlapped: Doctor Manuela Grayson and Doctor Micheline Robichaud."

While the search was running, Reid was looking at Prentiss but she would not meet his eye. When the search stopped, lines of information were highlighted in the two separate windows. Garcia brought the details up side by side.

"They both worked for the same government organization from March of 2005 to June of 2006."

"Where?"

"A medical facility operated by the Arizona Department of Corrections," Garcia looked slowly over her shoulder at Prentiss. "You don't think she's dead do you?"

"What government organization?"

Garcia clicked a few more keys. "Oh my," she whispered as the result was displayed, "the Office of Scientific Research."

"And that is what?" JJ left the question open.

Reid answered: "It's a shell. It doesn't really do anything. It's just a cover. Conspiracy theorists are all over it. Apparently the OSR's funding comes from the NSA and the CIA."

Just then Garcia's phone rang.


	5. My Side of the Story

**At the End of the Night **

**Part 2: Breakdown**

**Chapter 5: My Side of the Story**

**Later **

Garcia sat beside JJ in the conference room both of them staring at a hard copy photograph of Claire Johnson. "She has incredible hands," JJ kept her voice low, "and that look – my God."

"Reminds me of Emily," just as Garcia said this, Prentiss strode into the room carrying a mug of coffee. She sat across from them. Rossi and Hotchner entered next the unit chief carrying a file folder. Once the last two were seated everyone looked at Hotch.

"You were involved in a shooting yesterday," he was looking directly at Prentiss. "It was fully justified, according to this report I have from Devin Tergensen and there won't be any follow up investigation. It seems she has some pull."

"Is he dead?" Prentiss leaned back her right arm over the chair back. "Not that I really care," she added in an undertone.

Hotch looked at the file. "I don't have that information; it wasn't provided," he paused looked around the table. "Five women were found at that farmhouse in Maryland yesterday," he nodded to Garcia and the big screen at the head of the table displayed the photos of five women with the word_ found_ in large bold letters.

Garcia then overlaid the _found_ images with the original four women the BAU had been investigating. One, the second to last that had gone missing, was marked _found_.

"Four bodies have now been recovered from the site in Northern Virginia," Hotchner said and again nodded to Garcia. The other three women on the screen now had_ tentatively identified – pending autopsy report_ under their names. "The only thing that confuses me," Hotchner looked from Prentiss to Reid, "is this email I got from Deputy Director Morrison the same day you two were out there, thanking us for our part in locating the remains of his daughter Lacey."

For a moment Hotch looked pained and his eyes drifted to somewhere over Reid's shoulder. Recovering, he looked at the profiler across from him. Reid said nothing at first his expression neutral. As if looking for help, he glanced down the table to Prentiss but she was looking the other way seemingly uninterested.

Finally Reid spoke, his voice soft and distant: "_I am here with you, my arms around you. You are always safe with me._"

Prentiss made a derisive noise dropping the foot she had crossed over her knee to the floor with a bang.

"What am I missing here?" Rossi spread his hands, palms up.

Reid may have replied, in fact he had opened his mouth to begin, but stopped as Prentiss spoke her voice low and strained. "He didn't protect her did he?" she said to no one in particular, met no one's eye. "Fathers shouldn't make promises they can't keep; shouldn't say things they don't mean."

Everyone was looking at her now their expressions a mixture of surprise and concern. Rossi started to say something, stopped when Reid held up a hand.

"Emily, what's wrong?" JJ asked before anyone else could speak. She was trying to reconcile the woman across from her with the dark, angry eyes to the woman she had seen only hours earlier all sensual and playful as she kissed her.

Prentiss seemed to recover, swiveling her chair back around she put her elbows on the table ran a hand slowly through her hair. "Maybe this is just getting to me, finally," she said her voice less emotionally charged.

"It gets to all of us sometimes," Hotchner said slowly the two of them staring down the table at each other. Her expression changed again her eyes widening and going impossibly dark. She tightened her hands into fists the knuckles white. Reid looked as if he had been struck and, directly across the table, JJ gasped.

"How can you say that?" Each word was drawn out painfully, "after Haley."

Hotchner blanched and looked away. The tension in the room was palpable. At the head of the table Garcia killed the output to the screen, sat very still her hands clutched tight together.

"Every day I see you I feel your pain; feel it like it's part of me," Prentiss spread her fingers flat on the table, stood leaning forward her head down. "We feel it," she looked up then and around the table at each of the faces around her.

The others were silent: Rossi rested his forehead on his clasped hands, Reid was still staring at Prentiss with a look of shock and pain, beside him Morgan dropped his head sighing softly, Garcia removed her glasses with a shaking hand, JJ looked as if she wanted to get up to go to Prentiss as tears started in her eyes, and Hotchner sighed all the life force seeming to drain from him.

"I'm so tired," Prentiss sat down again dropped her head slowly back blinking at the ceiling.

Hotchner tidied the papers in the file in front of him, closed the cover. "I'm sorry," he ran a hand over his face. "I guess I never realized what this was doing to all of you."

Everyone looked like they wanted to say something yet it was Morgan who spoke first. "You're so closed. Everyone grieves in their own way, but sometimes it seems like it never happened."

"Believe me, it happened," Hotchner met Morgan's gaze and the other man saw the pain of loss in his eyes. "I miss her every day, every hour, every time I look at Jack."

There was silence around the table except for Garcia giving a slight sniff as she wiped her eyes.

"They ask too much of us," Prentiss said softly. "We almost lost Penelope and now you've lost Haley."

This time the quiet lasted longer finally broken by Rossi. "Maybe we should stand down for a while, Aaron," he said hesitantly.

Hotchner took a deep breath before answering, "I was thinking that." He looked around the table again. "Listen everyone, I appreciate your concern. I know that sounds like an empty statement but I truly mean it because I can see you are all hurting. Let's break for a day and head home before we get snowed in here."

He left the room then with Rossi just behind him. Morgan looked at Reid sitting beside him. "Dude, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm OK," Reid replied slowly. He sat back breathing deeply.

"That girl's a psychic or something isn't she?" Morgan looked at his friend. "What did she do to you?"

At that moment something beeped on Garcia's laptop. The analyst looked at Prentiss.

"I've reconstructed one of those files on that iPod. It was badly damaged but not unrecoverable. It's a video file, probably shot with a cell phone." Garcia turned the laptop so Prentiss could see as a she queued the file. An innocuous, almost silly, song began playing as on the screen two women sang karaoke. One of them was Guerin Garrison the other, taller with her red hair in a ponytail, was Claire Johnson. They sang to each other as if no one else existed.

"_You're the sunlight that opened my eyes when the world was tumblin' down. You're the river that gave me a drink when a drop of water couldn't be found. You give me what I want when I want it and all I ever want is you..." _

Prentiss had gone totally still her face a dark mask. Her hands clenched into fists nails digging into her palms.

"_I was born to be loved by somebody and I know that that somebody is you. I'm gonna love you til the day that I die and there ain't nothin' that nobody can do. I love the way you make love when you make it and I just wanna make it with you…" _

Rage rising like a dark force inside her, Prentiss took a step forward toward the laptop on the table. Reid moved quickly stepping in front of her bodily blocking her path. She continued to press forward forcing him to plant his feet and lower his shoulder into her chest. She looked down at him her anger so intense it was like a blow to the gut that knocked the breath from him.

"_So I just wanna keep, our love alive so I can go on livin'. We got to keep, our love alive no, no don't ever stop what you're given to me…"_

"Emily, no!" Reid struggled to hold her back as a clear picture formed in his mind of Prentiss throwing the laptop through the window. Morgan jumped to help him yet so strong was Prentiss she still managed to force them back into the table and almost knock Garcia from her seat.

"Emily, stop! Why are you acting like this?" JJ pleaded, reaching out a hand to Prentiss.

Prentiss reached out as well grabbing the top of the laptop and slamming it shut. She relaxed then, although where he held her, his chin against her chest, Reid could feel her heart pounding. The three of them slowly untangled like football players getting up from a rough tackle.

"Look at me, Emily," Reid still clutched a handful of her shirt. He could feel Morgan's hand on his shoulder behind him and feel the shocked silence of JJ and Garcia. "Look at me," he said more calmly. She looked at him then her eyes dark and unreadable. He felt the same powerful presence he had felt from her that day in the rain beside the ruined house with its garden of death.

She blinked as if recognizing him, turned and left the room.

JJ started to follow her stopping when Reid caught her arm. "Spence, what?" she looked at his hand as if it was a bug.

"Let me… I think I know…I can reach her," he babbled. When JJ took a step back he looked at Garcia. "Where did she go?" his voice was urgent. Garcia opened the laptop again and quickly brought up the building's security cameras. She went through several feeds before one camera showed Prentiss getting off the elevator on the first floor. She walked through the lobby and stood at one of the large windows gazing out at the heavily overcast sky.

When Reid got to the lobby she was sitting alone her back to him on a vinyl covered seat her head down. He went quickly to the cafeteria returning with two bottles of juice. Sitting beside her he held out the two choices. She took the apple juice so he opened the orange juice and they drank in silence.

Carefully he went over the things he should say; his mind trying to find the perfect words that would somehow ease the crushing pain he felt radiating from her. Nothing came forth so eventually he just said the first thing that had occurred to him.

"Could you do that, Emily? Kill those men if they had done that to JJ?"

It was the wrong thing to say judging by her reaction. She lowered her head almost to her knees, grabbed fists full of hair at her temples.

Reid moved to sit on the low table in front of her pulling it close so that their knees just touched. "I don't know what it's like to really love someone," he said softly, honestly.

She looked up then meeting his eyes, her own tired and resigned.

"I've only ever been with a couple of women," he continued, "and, well, one guy." His expression when he said that was bittersweet and she gave him a slight smile. "I can't imagine what it would be like to have it stolen from you."

"Me neither."

"What happened yesterday when you drove Guerin home?"

Prentiss looked away her eyes going up and to the right as she remembered. "Nothing much really, I took her to this weird clinic where she got her arm stitched and then I took her home." She paused shrugged slightly thinking of the chilly house with the blue eyed cat and the office with the pictures on the wall.

"There were pictures in one room but, when I think about it, they were not like normal pictures of happy memories, most were more like things that you lived through, survived. The last one was Guerin and Claire. They were so…" she took a deep breath, unable to say either _'in love'_ or _'happy'_.

She blinked, swallowed hard, finally said: "When I saw her today, heard what happened…" she hesitated again, "I felt like I already knew. I don't know how I…"

"You're feeling her pain, Emily, and I think it's getting mixed up with something going on with you."

"Reid," she looked at him skeptically.

He caught her hand in his own. "Don't tell me you don't believe."

She looked away pained and tired again. "I don't know what to believe anymore."

Reid let her hand go, reached into his pocket and brought out the card Guerin had given him. "I never gave you this; I should have. I guess I was just jealous she was more attracted to you than me."

Prentiss looked at him then and he saw some of her old self in the amused look in her eyes. Taking a chance he asked, "What did you mean about fathers; about your father?"

Again it was the wrong thing to say. She shut down immediately and for a moment he thought she would bolt. He touched her hand lightly. "Don't go, Emily. I'm sorry."

He thought she might say something, somehow explain, he saw her eyes dart around, finally settle on the window as her jaw clenched and unclenched. For a long time they were both quiet.

"It's snowing," she said at last with no emotion. Reid looked over his shoulder watched as quarter sized flakes drifted down to land and instantly melt on the dead grass and concrete outside.

"Not sticking though," he replied and was rewarded with a gentle smile. Taking a deep breath he started speaking wondering if he would lose her again. "I have a theory," she met his gaze and he continued. "I think that children who have troubled parents grow up with a more developed sense of the emotions of those around them."

He had her full attention so he continued, "When the first lesson you learn is how to gauge and avoid your parents moods, you learn to turn everything you have outward in hope that you won't say the wrong thing again, make them mad again."

From the look of hurt that came into her face he knew he had found common ground. "My mother was so troubled," he pressed on, "one minute she was reading to me as loving as can be, the next…"

He stopped there unable to come up with the words to describe his mother in her bitter moods.

"All I ever wanted to do was please her, make her proud of me, but there was nothing I could do except try to get by, day by day, as she went slowly downhill."

He swallowed hard, "I think I've gotten off track." She was watching him with an expression of understanding and that helped him to find the words to finish what he wanted to say.

"I think people like me and you find it much easier to connect with others even if we don't want to. We can feel what they're feeling like it's our own."

"So many times I don't want to," Prentiss looked at the floor avoiding Reid. "It made me so angry, after, how he," she hesitated but didn't look up, "they, would break me down, rip apart my feelings like I was some kind of doll to just be played with, destroyed."

"And you were so sensitive."

She looked up at that and he could see the fierce woman he knew was suffering, her eyes filling with tears. She was on her feet then moving away. He caught her arm.

"Reid, I can't, it's too hard."

Prentiss walked away then and he let her go.

Upstairs in the conference room Garcia squeezed JJ's hand. "She will talk to you when she's ready; I guarantee it," she said as if the two of them had overheard the conversation in the lobby not just watched in silence.

When JJ returned to her office she noticed something on her desk. A roll of thick paper had a Post-It note on it.

_JJ – I think you should have this, SR_

JJ sat and slowly unrolled the paper catching her breath when she caught sight of what it contained. The largest drawing of Emily was done in pencil, mainly black but with some colours added. Emily squatted, her elbows on her knees. Drips of rain showed on the brim of her FBI cap that was pushed back on her forehead as if she had just nudged it with a careless hand. Her hands were loose in front of her obviously drawn with appreciation and care.

For a long moment JJ focused on those hands that she so loved thinking of them touching her skin. Pulling her eyes away she looked at Emily's face and all the air seemed to leave the room. Emily was looking out from the picture her eyes dark yet incredibly appealing. She seemed both wary and open, sensual yet reserved. The overall effect was totally sexy to JJ yet she could imagine that some might find it intimidating.

Around the outside of the main drawing were two smaller sketches: one a closer study of Emily's hands holding a small cup, another of her right hand touching her holstered weapon as if caressing it.

JJ was still staring at the drawings when Prentiss appeared at her door.

"Do you still want to come home with me? I'll understand if you don't."

"Yes, I do very much."

Prentiss was still for a long time watching JJ as if waiting for her to change her mind, reject her after what had happened in the conference room. Eventually JJ's response seemed to sink in as did her distraction. She walked around the desk, looked over JJ's shoulder.

"Em, who…"

Prentiss reached over her shoulder, smoothed the corner of the page revealing a "GG" in the lower right corner.

"That day when we found the bodies," she said without elaboration.

"I don't want to think about any of that," JJ said her voice firm. "I want to be with you, just you, and nothing else."

"I think I can accommodate that," a sly smile spread across Prentiss' face.

**Later**

They were stuck in traffic on the northbound I95 the snow falling heavily. Prentiss glanced in her rearview mirror to check on JJ one car behind when a car driven by a blond woman with impossibly big hair made a lane change jamming her Lexus in the tiny space between them.

After a moment, the Blackberry on her belt said "Uh oh!" in an odd, childish voice. Prentiss took it out and clicked on the BlackBerry Messenger application.

_You see what that car just did? Bitch cut me off!_

Since they were hardly moving, Prentiss thumbed a reply to JJ.

_Now she's applying her lipstick._

In her rearview mirror Prentiss watched the blonde in the Lexus smack her lips and admire herself in her own mirror.

_Smack her for me would you?_

_I'll do more than that._ Prentiss grinned to herself as she added: _Let's arrest her!_

_At gunpoint!_

_Uh huh._

_Then we'll drive her back to the BAU and you can interrogate her._

Prentiss paused biting her lip slightly wondering if JJ wanted to have fun with this; how far she wanted to go.

_Uh huh. I'm sure she'll give me attitude too._

_That's when you tell her you need to strip search her!_

_And you shut the door and hand me the gloves._

_She's looking at you scared but we know she really wants you to._

_You push her up against the wall and kick her feet apart while I snap on the gloves._

_Then you're right behind her your sexy voice in her ear telling her to drop her pants._

_And her fucking hairspray makes me sneeze!_ Prentiss typed and laughed to herself.

_LOL!_ JJ replied. There was a long moment until she picked it up again.

_When she drops her pants she's wearing a black lace thong._

Prentiss snickered, typed: _For a long time we just stand there, you on one side of her, me on the other._

"_My partner is an expert at interrogation," I tell her._

_As you run your bare hand up her smooth behind and under her blouse._

"_You will say anything she wants you to say when she is done."_

_She shivers when you move your hand across her hip just under the elastic of her undies._

"_You will tell us what a bad girl you've been."_

_You hand is low on her belly just grazing her_ … Prentiss quickly hit enter has the car ahead of her began moving.

There was a longer pause until the "Uh oh" announced another message from JJ.

_What am I doing with my hands on her? It's you I want!_

_I know! Efffing bitch! Time to kick her to the curb! Damn, traffic's moving._

_Good thing. We get to your place sooner,_ JJ added a smiley face with its tongue stuck out.

Prentiss replied with the 'kiss' smiley.

_I feel like I'm 16!_

_Yeah, I know! Fun isn't it?_


	6. Every Little Thing You Do

**Chapter 6: Every Little Thing You Do**

**Later**

"Does this elevator have a camera?" JJ asked as they rode up to the third floor.

"Don't want to wait the two minutes it'll take us to get in the door?"

"Nope."

When the elevator door finally opened they walked rapidly down the hall side by side. At the door to her condo, Prentiss fumbled her keys dropping them on the floor. Retrieving them, she got the door open and tossed her bag ahead of her. JJ kicked the door shut and snapped the deadbolt in place.

They stood staring at each other for a moment until JJ dropped her go bag with a thump and took the two steps needed to close the distance between them. Her arms went around the taller woman's neck and, ever so slowly, she moved in to kiss her. Emily's strong arms were around her waist pulling them together with crushing force.

When the kiss finally ended, they were both gasping for breath. Emily smiled at JJ before picking her up by the hips and depositing her on the counter top. "I like looking down at you," JJ wrapped her legs around Emily drawing her in. She ran both hands through the other woman's hair enjoying the height advantage the tall counter gave her.

Emily was nibbling at the soft flesh under JJ's chin her hands pulling her blouse loose from her pants for the second time that day. One hand was working the buttons undone as the other explored the blonde's warm back and side. Raising her head to capture her mouth with her own again, her hand found a breast, grasped tightly then released.

"God, I want you, Em," JJ said against her mouth. She pulled back smoothing Emily's tousled hair away from her face. The brown eyes looking back at her were dark and bottomless. "You are so beautiful; I could get lost in you."

Emily made a sound in JJ's ear that was part purr, part growl. With one hand she released the other woman's bra her other hand on her breast again. She squeezed gently, caressed the nipple with her palm. "I want to touch every part of you; taste every inch of your skin."

JJ groaned tangling her hands in the thick, dark hair when Emily lowered her head and took her nipple in her mouth. JJ moved one hand behind her and leaned back as Emily began working at the button and zipper of her pants.

Once her pants were loose, Emily trailed her hands along JJ's thighs letting her fingers find the sensitive inner area before lightly brushing her way up the open zipper. Moving down with her mouth she nipped just above JJ's belly button with her teeth. Her strong hands pulled at the loose pants as JJ leaned back on both elbows.

"God, Em," JJ started to lift her hips to allow Emily to pull off her pants, but the other woman had gone still. Her cheek resting on JJ's thigh, Emily looked up at her lover teasingly.

"C'mon," she straightened and pulled JJ down off the counter. JJ let her body slide down over Emily before allowing her feet to touch the floor. Emily took her hand and led her into the dim living room. Dull light came from the big windows the snow swirling in the last of the day's light. When Emily went to the stereo to plug in the iPod and queue a playlist, JJ slipped out of her bra. Her blouse was hanging loose on her shoulders when Emily came up behind her wrapping her arms around her waist and burying her face in JJ's hair.

Emily's hands moved over her hips coming together over her pubic area before sliding down her thighs then up again. JJ covered Emily's hands with her own, followed them as they moved up her bare abdomen and gently over her breasts. Smoothing back the blonde hair, Emily kissed JJ's neck and shoulder. Her hands then trailed down each of the other woman's arms as JJ arched her back and raised her hands in front of her.

When their hands met, JJ reversed the grip fitting her fingers between Emily's fingers as she raised one of Emily's palms to her lips and kissed softly. Her knees felt weak, almost unable to hold her weight. Emily turned her around and she put her arms around her neck holding tight as Emily gripped her waist pulling her close. Emily began to move their joined bodies slowly to the music humming then singing softy in JJ's ear.

"_You're the rhythm in my song, you're the switch that turns me on, the only place where I belong or want to be. You're the half that makes me whole, the only one that sees my soul. Baby it's so real but still I can't believe - every little thing you do to me…"_

JJ pressed her face into Emily's neck each breath drawn slowly into her lungs letting herself lose reality in the arms so strong around her, the music so encompassing, and the sensual voice in her ear.

When Emily moved behind her again, she let her head drop back against the taller woman's shoulder sighing as Emily's hands moved along her waist and dipped just slightly inside her pants. "Emily, God, you could breathe on me and I would fall down. Just the slightest touch…"she caught her breath as Emily's hand moved even lower, "…and I'm gone."

Emily laughed softly in her hair. "And I have so much more touching to do," she loosened her grip, let JJ turn in her arms, kissed her. "Let's go upstairs."

**Later**

JJ stopped at the bottom of the stairs letting her eyes adjust to the dimness. One lamp on an end table illuminated Emily sitting in the corner of the big sofa. Her bare feet were propped on the coffee table cushioned by a small pillow. She had pulled on the red shirt not bothering to button in up and a pair of black boxer shorts. Covering her ears were a set of headphones.

For a moment JJ thought she might have fallen asleep she was so still. Then, as if in time to unheard music, her head moved. Catching sight of the figure at the base of the stairs, she blinked seeing JJ where she stood. She smiled and made room for JJ to sit between her legs wrapping her arms around her. JJ leaned back into to warm circle of her arms slipping down farther until Emily's chin was touching the top of her head. Emily pulled off the earphones and pressed a key on a remote control. She adjusted the volume downward slightly as the music flowed from the speakers and not the headphones.

"Ummm, you smell good," Emily nuzzled JJ's still damp hair, "did you have a shower?"

"Uh huh, I was a little sweaty when I woke up. Dunno why." She heard Emily laugh softly. "You couldn't sleep?"

"I was tossing and turning too much, didn't want to disturb you."

They were both still for a time watching out the window as windblown snow obscured the lights of the Capitol dome. JJ absently traced Emily's long fingers one at a time with her own then gripped the hands that held her settling more comfortably against the woman behind her.

"I hope it never stops snowing," JJ sighed. She felt Emily laugh again.

"Maybe the world will go into the next ice age and leave us alone," Emily responded kissing the top of her head. "Beautiful, though, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," JJ sighed again. "Reminds me of one time when I was younger. It was snowing that big flaky stuff that seems to take forever to get to the ground. It was after dark, my mom wanted me to go to the little store on the corner, get milk or bread or something." She paused shifted her feet where they rested on the coffee table.

"I didn't really want to go out, but when I did, it was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw." She turned slightly in Emily's arms trying to see her face. "I stood under the street light for the longest time just watching the snow come down. Everything was covered in a couple of inches of snow so white like cotton and there was not a sound. I'll never forget that."

Emily kissed her forehead. "Nice memory."

"What's the most beautiful thing you ever saw?" JJ ran her fingers across Emily's bare chest.

"Besides you?"

"Ha!" JJ laughed giving her a quick kiss on the mouth then the tip of her nose. She settled again under Emily's chin.

After a moment of thought Emily began, "I was on a canoe trip in northern Ontario. One of those Outward Bound type things, my mother thought it might be good for me. I was seventeen or eighteen. It was all girls and a couple of women guides."

JJ made an appreciative noise running her hand over Emily's knee and down her calf.

"Oh, shush," Emily scolded. "We hardly had time for that we were paddling all day and dropping into our sleeping bags exhausted at night. One day was really windy. We barely made it to the campsite on this little island the wind was so strong. We couldn't keep a fire going so we made something to eat using the little stove. Whatever it was tasted so good," Emily smiled at the memory. "I'm sure roast skunk would've been good we were so hungry. Anyway, we got in our tents the wind still blowing like we were on the north face of Mount Everest. We talked for a while then fell asleep. I woke up later, it was still, the wind had stopped and of course I had to pee.

"I unzipped the tent, looked out, and my breath just caught in my throat. The sky was so clear I could see every star in the universe, I swear. I walked along the rocks at the edge of the lake until I got to the very tip of the island and I just sat there and stared at the sky. The Milky Way looked so incredible. I've never seen the sky like that before or since."

"You forgot something," JJ's fingertips were tickling her inner thigh. "You forgot to pee."

"Oh, right, that's the part where I pulled down my pants, slipped on some moss, and fell in the water."

"Seriously?" JJ sat up looking at Emily.

Emily held her gaze for a long second trying to suppress a grin. "No, but the cute blonde girl came out of the tent and we made out in the blueberry bushes."

"You are so bad!" JJ kissed her a little longer, a little more intently. When she broke off she settled again against Emily's warm chest. "So which girl did you sleep with?"

"One of the guides."

When JJ emitted a scandalous gasp she elaborated. "She was only like 24 or 25. Wasn't a big deal and it was after we got back to the base camp."

"You've been with a lot of girls – women – haven't you, Em?" JJ asked her tone more serious.

"And a few guys I suppose," Emily answered. "Though I gave them up after…" she didn't finish, let the thought trail off. "I've never had a problem with women. If I saw a girl I liked, I went after her."

"It's your sexy hands," JJ was kissing Emily's knuckles. "You know, after we were together in Buffalo, there was one time in the conference room, the whole team was there. You were writing something on the whiteboard, I was watching your hands," they both felt a shiver go through JJ's body."You turned around to say something and hooked your thumbs in your belt loops with your fingers all splayed out. I got so turned on I thought for sure I was going to leave a wet spot on my chair."

They both giggled at the thought. Emily's hand found its way into JJ's flannel pants caressed her thigh and buttock. She felt the other woman flex her leg involuntarily as the touch aroused her.

"You do that to me too, Jennifer. That thing you do with your hip. One time I thought I was going to fall on the floor you looked so sexy."

"What thing?"

"When you cant your hip…" Emily stopped sensing JJ was teasing her. "Scamp, you know darn well!"

JJ sat up turning to face Emily as she ran her fingers from the tip of Emily's chin, down her throat and chest. Moving in for a kiss her hand found a breast and she softly squeezed the nipple feeling Emily stiffen at the touch.

When the kiss ended, JJ met Emily's eyes. "I want to do for you every little thing you do for me." Her hand pressed downward, teased at the waistband of Emily's shorts.

"You don't have to," Emily said her voice husky. "You know it's enough for me to make love to you."

JJ's hand was playing across her belly the fingertips just grazing her skin. "I want to. You give me so much. I want to feel what it's like to give that to you."

Still Emily resisted, JJ could feel her begin to pull away. "What's wrong, Em?"

Emily didn't meet her eyes her gaze moving around the room eventually settling on the window and the snow outside. "I…" she knew that right now the truth was important though the next words she spoke were incredibly difficult. "I think I have trust issues. It's hard for me to relax and let go," JJ watched as she swallowed hard finally meeting her eye. "You're not the first one."

JJ said nothing at first just kissed her kneeling now between her thighs she ran both hands through Emily's hair and looked down at her with sharp, intent eyes. "Trust me and I will be the first and the last."

When she kissed her again it was with a passion Emily had not felt in her before. She was pushed back into the cushions of the couch as JJ pressed against her, hands now on her hips tugging at her shorts. Emily raised herself enough for the shorts to be yanked off and tossed aside. JJ's mouth was then at her throat kissing and biting and moving down. One hand was already kneading her nipple when JJ's lips found the other.

Emily arched backward feeling her back give a distinct snap as her spine flexed. She tangled her hands in the blonde hair groaning as pleasure surged through her. JJ's hand then slid down her stomach and through her pubic hair the tips of two fingers finding her wet with arousal. She felt JJ growl her mouth not leaving her nipple.

The two fingers moved in her wetness and Emily arched her back again as JJ teased her clitoris. She could feel herself harden as blood rushed to the hypersensitive organ. JJ's mouth left her nipple moving down with teasing kisses along her abdomen as her body slid off the couch and onto the floor repositioning for what was to come.

Emily could not hold back a gasp as JJ's tongue replaced her fingers. She shifted forward drawing her knees up as JJ's hand moved farther down and the two strong fingers thrust inside her. "Oh, yes! Please, Jennifer!" she panted her head going back one hand grasping a fist full of JJ's hair the other holding JJ's free hand against her belly.

There was no distraction; no thought other than the pleasure JJ was giving her. It was easy to let go, be totally free in the moment. Emily could feel something powerful building as the beautiful woman she so desired tugged and sucked at her clitoris with exquisite energy her fingers moving in firm determined strokes.

For a long moment she was on the plateau, on the edge. It seemed like there would be no end to the bliss; that it would go on forever. It was the picture in her mind of JJ's beautiful face, eyes eager with desire as she kissed her only moments before, that pushed her over the cliff and into the freefall of orgasm.

An indistinct cry escaped her as she felt every muscle in her body contract her hips pushing forward as if demanding JJ's mouth devour her whole. Strong internal muscles gripped JJ's hand holding her deep inside.

The cry of pleasure became a moan of utter release and then a sob of pure abandon. All rational thought was gone and Emily cried out again as emotions surged through her like electric shock. She could not hold back as tears sprang from her tightly shut eyes and she cried the sobs consuming her trembling body.

"Oh, God, Emily! Did I hurt you?"

She couldn't answer just clutched at the blonde woman as JJ moved to embrace her in a strong hold. The tears almost chocking her she let JJ pull her against her chest as she gasped for air.

"Don't let me go!"

Leaning back into the soft cushions JJ held her trembling, crying lover feeling the tears begin to soak through her T-shirt. "I've got you, Em. I won't let go. It's OK. I'm here." Tears of her own streamed down her cheeks and dropped into Emily's dark hair.

For a long time JJ held Emily tight; rocking her, caressing her back and shoulders, and whispering gentle words of encouragement. Slowly Emily's sobs died away and JJ relaxed her grip letting Emily rest, her head in her lap.

When she sniffed and wiped at her nose with her sleeve, Emily's soft voice spoke from her lap: "Behind you."

JJ looked over her shoulder spotting the tissue box on the table just within reach. She pulled out a handful sharing them with Emily. Once finished, Emily tossed away the wad of tissue and buried her face again in JJ's lap. "Thanks," the word was muffled.

"Don't mention it," JJ traced Emily's jaw line, smoothed her hair behind her ear. "Are you OK?" she then asked her voice tense with worry.

"Yes, I think so," the response was surprisingly light. Emily's hand found JJ's and held tight. "I don't think I can explain," she began before JJ could ask. "I know I've never felt anything like that before." The statement had an unspoken 'wow' at the end that made JJ smile.

"I thought I hurt you."

"No, more like overwhelmed," Emily turned onto her back, looked up at JJ her eyes tired and still pained. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

"You don't scare me, remember?"

Emily smiled at that but still looked away. "I've been feeling kind of out of sorts lately," she said slowly.

"Really? I hadn't notice," JJ said in light tone.

Emily drew JJ's hand to her lips, kissed her knuckles tasting something tangy on her skin. "Oh, my! I suppose that would be me I taste."

"I didn't think you were going to let me have those fingers back," JJ smiled down at Emily. The look of pain finally left her face and Emily sat up, slowly leaned in to kiss JJ, relaxed and content.

"I think I need to sleep now."

**Later that morning**

"I don't know what's better at your place: the sex or the food," JJ lifted another forkful of scrambled eggs enjoying the sharp taste of onion and pepper. Emily stood behind the seated woman, pulled back her hair, and kissed her neck.

"You can only have one. Which will it be?" Emily teased.

"Sorry, Em. Right now its food," JJ took a big bite of toast slathered with honey. "And I need the energy if I'm going to keep up with you," she said with her mouth full.

Emily laughed, patted JJ's behind like a football player, and sat on the stool beside her. She spread jam on her toast, took a bite. "Your mother makes really good strawberry jam."

"Yeah, she's a good cook. Too bad it never rubbed off on me."

"Your talents lie elsewhere," Emily said suggestively.

"Thank you. That means a lot coming from you."

Emily just smiled and concentrated on eating. After a few minutes, JJ spoke again: "All the girls you've been with," she began slowly, "you never wanted them to – never let them – really touch you?" When Emily took another bite of toast and looked away, JJ finished what she wanted to say: "You let me before, maybe not as much as I wanted though. I thought I was doing OK, well not as great as last night, but OK."

Pushing away her empty plate, Emily sighed. "It was different with you last night. I think it's always been kind of different with you. Last night I wanted you to touch me more than anyone I've ever been with, and it was always enough for me to be the one who initiated it and was in control of it."

As soon as she said the word 'control', Emily's jaw tightened and her brows furrowed. She thought for a moment blinking rapidly. JJ watched as her expression changed into something like revelation.

"Ah," JJ said. "You never thought of that before?"

"I guess not."

After a moment, Emily left her stool and took the empty plates into the kitchen. JJ followed her, leaned against the stove as Emily loaded the dishwasher.

"Em?" JJ reached out and gently touched the other woman's hip. "Do you want to be in love with me?"

JJ watched as a fork slipped out of Emily's grip and clattered to the bottom of the dishwasher. For a long time she wondered if Emily had not heard her or possibly didn't understand. Retrieving the errant utensil, Emily placed it in the basket and snapped the door shut. She leaned on both hands over the counter head down. JJ stood still wishing she could take the question back.

"Jennifer, I…" Emily started slowly, not looking at JJ. "I don't think I'm very good at that," she looked up her eyes troubled. "I'm not sure I can be everything that you need; everything that you deserve."

JJ caught her when she would have turned away and held her tightly around the waist. "Do you want to be with me?" she said into her ear. Emily just nodded, not meeting her eyes. "Good, 'cause I'm not letting you go."

**Later**

Emily was curled up asleep in the corner of the couch the TV remote balanced in her slack hand. Saying a last goodbye to Henry, JJ pressed the disconnect key on her cell phone, descended the last couple of stairs and went to the window. It was still snowing intermittently in the late afternoon. On the TV, a reporter dressed in stylish winter gear talked silently into a microphone as the wind whipped her blonde hair around her face. As if in counterpoint, Emily gave a disinterested snore.

As JJ stood looking at the muted television, her cell phone vibrated in her hand the display lighting up with Garcia's home number. "Hey, girl," JJ answered walking rapidly into the kitchen.

"Hey yourself," Garcia was as perky as ever. "How are you liking this snow?"

"What? It's snowing?" JJ shook the tea kettle trying to determine how much water was left in it.

Garcia just laughed.

"I just talked to Henry – he's at my parents – he's really loving it. They built a snowman and sent me a picture." JJ smiled to herself thinking of the image she had just set as the wallpaper on her phone.

"You know, in the whole time I've been at the BAU, I don't think we've ever had a snow day. Good timing for you and Em, and now it's the weekend."

"Yeah, totally sucks," JJ refilled the kettle, placed it on the stove turning on the heat, "getting snowed in with nothing to do."

"Yeah, right!" Garcia scoffed. There was a moment of silence before she continued. "How's it going? Is Emily alright?"

JJ smiled at the concern in her friend's voice. "It's good. She's starting to relax, I think. We've talked a bit." JJ opened a cupboard, started looking through the boxes of tea. "I think it might be alright with us." She found one she liked, pulled out a paper wrapped teabag.

"Might?'

"She's mine for the moment, I just don't know if I can keep her." The kettle had started to boil with a rapid whistle. Turning around to tend to it, JJ found Emily standing by the fridge.

"Hey, you're awake!" JJ hid her surprise as she clicked off the burner under the kettle. "I gotta go, Garcia, the kettle's boiling."

"She's there?"

"Yup, talk to you later, OK?" JJ ended the call, dropped her phone in the pocket of her sweatpants. "Do you want some too?"

"Sure," Emily stretched and yawned before taking two mugs from the cupboard.

Once the water was poured they took their mugs into the living room and sat close together on the couch. Emily flipped through the TV channels settling on the early local news. She left the sound muted.

"How's Henry?" she asked sipping the herbal tea. "Did they get as much snow there?"

"More, by the sound of it," JJ ran her hand along Emily's thigh, patted her knee. "My father tends to exaggerate, though."

They drank tea in silence. On the TV a man pushed a large snow blower down a sidewalk, a reporter in the foreground.

"Em?"

Emily sighed and leaned back knowing another tough question was coming.

"Why were you so upset yesterday? Was it about Claire Johnson?" JJ watched closely as Emily drew in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. She sensed the dark haired woman was becoming tense. "I've been thinking about her a lot, you know. It all seems so tragic, she was so beautiful. I know we see a lot of that but…" JJ trailed off unable to finish.

"You don't care about what Guerin did? Killing those men?" Emily turned to look at the woman beside her.

"No, I don't," JJ answered gripping her mug in both hands. "If I know anything from this job we do it's that some people deserve to get what's coming to them. I think if it was me, I could've shot every one of them and not blinked." Her eyes were dark and intense as she looked at Emily. "And if it was you," JJ shook her head and looked away. "They never would've found the bodies you would've ripped them into so many pieces."

JJ was surprised at the reaction in Emily: a shiver passed through her and her face clouded with pain. When she spoke, it was also unexpected. "I spent the night at her house, you know, after the raid in Maryland."

"I know, Reid told me," JJ prompted when it seemed as if Emily would not continue.

"It was this huge house in a gated community. Very secure, very beautiful, and very creepy," she looked at JJ then. "I don't know if I really can make sense of it."

JJ placed her empty mug carefully on the coffee table. "Tell me something, Em, and be honest. Do you think she's a psychic? That girl Guerin?"

Emily looked at JJ for a heartbeat before looking away. "No, at least not like most people think," she paused to consider before continuing. "I think something happened to her. She was shot in the head, was in a coma. When she woke up she was different in some way I sure don't understand."

"I think she is," JJ stated flatly. Emily looked at her surprised. "She's got something going on," JJ started to explain. "That day when they walked in the BAU? She looked at me funny and it was the strangest thing. I felt like she was standing right beside me. Then later, in the conference room, she knew when she looked at me there was something going on between us."

Emily just shook her head not speaking.

"What is it that bothers you so much about her? About them?" JJ knew Emily would understand 'them' included the dead woman Claire.

Emily finished her tea in one gulp, leaned forward her elbows on her knees. "Honestly JJ, I don't know if I can answer that. I'm so mixed up," she put her mug on the table and leaned forward with her chin on her hands. "All I know is that yesterday I wanted to throw Garcia's laptop through the window; smash it into a million bits I felt so mad."

"Did she do something weird to you like she did to Reid?"

"She didn't do anything to Reid."

"He thinks she did," JJ stared her down. "What did she do that has you so confused and angry?'

Emily didn't answer for a long time, when she did it left JJ almost as confused as when the entire conversation began. "She looked at me, right at me, right into me. I felt exposed, naked. I don't like feeling that way. I don't want to feel that way."


	7. Where I Stood

**Chapter 7: Where I Stood**

"God, Emily!"

JJ breathed deeply feeling her heart start to slow. Placing a soft kiss on her inner thigh Emily rested with her head on JJ's hip. They remained that way resting quietly until Emily stirred and, placing kisses as she went, moved up JJ's body. She paused to lick the sweat from between the other woman's breasts before flopping beside her.

JJ found Emily's hand, laced their fingers together. "You're amazing. Have I mentioned that yet?"

Emily laughed against her shoulder. "No, I don't think I've heard that one yet," she teased. She paused, and then said, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," JJ put her arm around Emily, kissed the top of her head.

"What is this thing you have about hands – women's hands?"

"Oh, hmm," JJ began self-consciously. "I didn't think you'd noticed." Emily raised her head just enough to give JJ a look. "OK, so I had this teacher in high school. She taught art, Spanish and French."

"Mais oui. Were you in love with her?"

JJ sighed, "I sure had a crush on her. She was tall, had beautiful dark hair and a deep sexy voice. Remind you of anyone? And her hands…" Emily felt JJ's chest rise and fall as she breathed. "Sometimes her hands were all I could look at. I would fantasize about us holding hands and her running her hands through my hair."

"Oh sexy," Emily whispered.

"I was young, OK? I didn't think in graphic sexual terms."

"So why did you end up dating guys?" Emily asked cautiously, concerned the question might offend JJ. She felt JJ breath in deeply, let it out.

"I'm not sure, really," JJ answered honestly. "I guess it was just easier to do what was expected, to be conventional; to get caught up in someone's attraction for me." She was quiet for a long moment before adding. "I still find some guys attractive."

Emily rolled over and was on her feet moving to the bathroom. JJ caught her arm before she could get there. "Hey, I'm sorry," she looked up at the dark haired woman. "I know I shouldn't talk about him, and not like that."

Tossing her head, Emily looked away. "I don't ever want to think about him with you," her face went through a range of emotions, not the least of which was distaste.

JJ let her hand slide down Emily's arm until she was holding her hand. "I like who I am with you," she said, leaning into the other woman. "With you everything is right. I know this is what I was meant for. I just hope it's the same for you."

**Saturday Morning**

JJ came downstairs to the wonderful smell of fresh ground coffee beans. The coffee maker was just starting to drip the precious, dark liquid into the glass carafe. "I don't think I can wait," JJ wrapped her arms around Emily's waist from behind. Her head resting on the other woman's shoulder, she turned slightly and noticed a pair of boots on the tile near the entrance to the kitchen with a small puddle under them. "You were out?"

"Yeah, I went to the little store for some essentials: milk, bread, bacon, eggs. Hungry?"

"Oh, yeah," JJ watched as Emily placed two mugs and the cream and sugar beside the coffee maker. "How is it out there?" When there was enough coffee brewed she interrupted the drip to pour herself a mug.

"Pretty bad," Emily was turning the strips of bacon in the frying pan thinking she had not eaten so much fatty breakfast foods in the last year as she had the last couple of days. "The sidewalks still need a lot of work. The streets are more or less passable I think."

JJ took a sip of coffee her eyes opening wider in appreciation. "Oh my god, that's good!" she exclaimed.

Emily smiled. "That's the last of my secret stash of Jamaican Blue Mountain. Nice isn't it?"

"God, yes," JJ took another sip, swallowed slowly. "It's so smooth; like velvet on my tongue."

"And you'd know what that tastes like," Emily leaned into JJ intending a quick kiss but finding the contact lingered. JJ broke the kiss, gave Emily's butt a quick slap.

"Cook, slave," she topped up her mug and rounded the counter to sit on one of the stools. "I'm waiting."

**Later**

JJ was talking into her cell phone pacing back and forth behind the couch. Emily waited with the movie paused and the sound muted. When it seemed like the conversation would not be ending any time soon, she stopped the DVD and began surfing through the TV channels.

When JJ finally ended the call and flopped on the couch next to her, Emily looked at her, "Child crises?" she asked.

"Yeah," JJ ran her fingers over the smooth plastic on the back of her BlackBerry, placed it in her pocket. "Nothing too serious."

Emily looked away not wanting to meet JJ's eye wondering if…

"Em?"

Breathing out sharply, Emily killed the power to the TV. "I don't think I want to have this conversation, Jennifer."

"We have to," JJ slowly looked at the woman beside her. "I know it's a lot to ask of you to raise someone else's child. The problem is if we are going to be together we have to include Henry."

Emily sighed. "I know that, and I'll be honest, it bothers me that it's his child. It might've been easier if it was something that we decided to do together, but you just got pregnant. It was like you never even thought about our job, about whether you wanted to be with Will, or how you felt about me."

As soon as the words were out, Emily realized she was being harsh. JJ jumped to her feet, glared down and her with narrowed eyes her mouth a tight line.

"This isn't all just about you, Emily."

"A big part of it is right now. What if I don't want to be a parent? What if I just want to be with you, without all that extra responsibility?" She knew she was being harsh again, yet it felt strangely liberating to get it all out. Sitting still on the couch she watched JJ.

"You don't have a choice," JJ's hands were balled into fists at her sides. "You take me, and everything I've done right or wrong as you see it, or nothing."

At that moment, Emily felt she respected JJ more than she ever thought she could. She knew she was right to not compromise, that it was up to her to make the giant leap from a part time relationship with barely any strings attached, to a full time one with JJ and everything that entailed.

"You're right, Jennifer and I respect that." JJ's anger seemed to dissipate and she sat beside Emily again reaching for her hand. "The problem is me," she took a deep breath not knowing if she could put into words what she needed to say. "I'm not sure I can be a good parent."

"Why?" JJ was confused. She squeezed Emily's hand trying to meet her eye. Emily just stared down at the floor. "I've never seen you be anything but sweet and gentle with Henry or any other kid. I thought you wanted to…" JJ broke off as something occurred to her. She felt herself tense as she recalled Emily's strange words about fathers the other day in the conference room.

When Emily looked up it was obvious from the strain showing in her expression that she had thought of the same thing. "JJ, my parents were not good parents. I had poor teachers to learn from. I'm afraid that I will be like them."

JJ caressed Emily's hand wishing she could relieve her pain. "What did you mean about your father? What did he do to you?" Like the other day when she had watched Emily talking to Reid in the lobby of their building, Emily dropped her head and tangled both hands into her hair.

JJ felt nothing but compassion when she asked: "Did he abuse you," she paused, added slowly, "sexually?"

"No!" the answer was emphatic. Emily was on her feet moving away. She paused at the end of the couch as if indecisive.

"Did he beat you?"

The answer, when delivered, shocked JJ to her core.

"I wish to God he had!" Emily lashed out with one hand as if striking someone. When she continued the words were intense, coming faster and faster as if a floodgate had opened. "Every night I cried myself to sleep I wished he would just beat me so someone could see the pain I was going through. I was so alone and so scared. Nothing I ever did was right or good enough for him."

Emily's voice changed then going deeper, even rougher, as she spit the words out without thought. "You're no good. You'll never been any good. I don't know why I bother with you girl, you're not worth it!"

With both hands she scrubbed at her face her breathing labored. JJ sat frozen in shock unable to move as tears started in her eyes.

"I couldn't stop it. I thought it would never end. Every time he was drinking he would start. How many times we were having dinner and he was drunk and it would start. And my mother did nothing; just sat there while he said those things to me. You know what the worst thing was?" Emily moved closer, stared down at JJ where she sat immobile. "At the end of the night, after I cried myself to sleep and wished I was dead, they pretended _nothing ever happened_."

"Emily, stop, please." JJ begged unable to bear anymore.

"No, I won't stop! If you are going to be with me and everything I've done, right or wrong," she tossed JJ's words viciously back at her, "you need to know what I am." She paused panting for a moment then took a few steps away no longer looking at JJ as she continued. "He would come into my room sometimes, when he wasn't drunk, and tell me he loved me and that he would always protect me. Isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard?"

No longer able to sit still and not try in some way to reach her troubled lover, the woman she cared more about right now more than ever before, JJ moved to stand in front of Emily. She put her arms around her waist held her tight as she looked her full in the face.

"You won't be like that, Em, I know it. You are the most loving person I've ever been with." JJ shook her when she looked away. "I've never seen any of this in you."

"It's there," though the words were spoken softly, Emily was still tense with anger. "Remember I told you I hurt someone once?" She looked down at JJ her eyes going cold and dark.

JJ felt herself stiffen wondering how this could possibly be any worse.

"You don't know what I am, no one does. I put her in the_ hospital_; she was _unconscious_ for three days" she broke JJ's grip and stepped back. "I thought I loved her, I thought I wanted to be with her. I should've been arrested for what I did to her, but my mother made it all go away."

"Emily, I love you," JJ implored. "I want to help you get through this. I know that you can love me, that you can get past this."

"I'm not good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you," Emily's voice was small and so tight with pain that JJ wasn't sure she heard the words. "You should never have loved me; I wish you'd never loved me. I can't love you. _I don't know how_."

It was like a physical blow to JJ, so loaded with self loathing and shame were the words that JJ was completely unable to react. As if aware of it for the first time herself – and hating herself even more – Emily turned and dropped to her knees. JJ stood unable to move as she curled in on herself hands laced together over her hand.

Taking a deep breath, JJ forced herself to move. She went to Emily, knelt beside and put her arms around the trembling woman pressing her cheek to her back.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of, Em, it's not your fault what your parents did to you," JJ spoke slowly and soothingly. "You were just a child. It's not your fault they hurt you."

Emily's next words were slightly muffled but no less cruel: "It didn't hurt me, it _destroyed_ me. I'm not what I'm supposed to be. I never had a chance." After a pause Emily said what JJ had been dreading all along, and when it was out, wished she had never heard it. "I need to be alone, Jennifer, can you leave," the last word was a barely audible "_please_."

JJ closed her eyes though it would not stop the tears. For a long time she held Emily completely unable to let go. Eventually she loosened her grip. "I will if you want me to," she sat back reaching out to gently stroke her back. "I want you to know something," the words came, growing stronger as she said them. "I love you and I'm _not_ giving up on you_. I'm not letting you go._ When you have taken the time to know who you are and know that it's not this…" JJ leaned forward suddenly, gripped Emily's shoulders and kissed the back of her neck. The next words were said directly in her ear.

"When you decide what you want and that you _can_ love me, come back to me. I'll be waiting 'cause I don't think I know who am without you."

Emily stayed still listening without wanting to hear as JJ collected a few things including her coat and car keys. When the door shut softly she jumped to her feet rushing to the door and pressing her body against it. Indecision resolved itself when her hand turned the deadbolt closed instead of reaching to the doorknob and pulling the door open.

Taking a few steps away, she collapsed against the kitchen counter shaking all over. Above her head the drawer was slightly open from when JJ had retrieved her service weapon and credentials. Emily knew her own Glock was there in its holster, but she could not muster the energy to reach for it. Also, the thought of JJ finding her dead was too cruel to contemplate.

Unable to think of anything else, she covered her face with her hands the words "_what have I done_" coming just before the tears.

**Later**

When Penelope Garcia, wearing a pink and purple silk dressing gown, opened her apartment door to find JJ standing there, she knew everything had fallen apart.

"Do you have anything to drink?" JJ strode past her into the living area.

"Ummm, it's eight thirty in the morning. I have coffee," Garcia turned watching as JJ paused, her back to her, shoulders dropping. When JJ said nothing, Garcia went into her kitchen area returning with a glass and two small bottles. They sat on the couch side by side. JJ opened one of the little bottles and, ignoring the glass, poured the contents into her mouth.

"What the fuck?" she said hoarsely looking at the label. "Brandy?" she upended the bottle and drank the rest.

"Sorry," Garcia said in a small voice.

"Never mind, it hit the spot," JJ placed the empty bottle on the coffee table spun it around several time in her fingers.

Garcia waited; only speaking when it seemed JJ would never open up. "What happened, Jaje?"

"I think I've lost her," she glanced at her friend only briefly before concentrating again on the empty bottle. "Everything was so good," she sighed heavily, the pain evident. "It was _so good_," a small smile crossed her features and her cheeks coloured slightly. "And then this morning…" she didn't finish.

"Was it about Will?"

When JJ just shook her head Garcia asked softly, "Henry?"

"Indirectly," JJ finally met Garcia's gaze her eyes becoming glassy with tears. "Pen, I didn't know! I wish I had known; I wish I could've helped her. Her father…"

"Oh, dear."

As JJ stood to remove her coat, a folded piece of paper fell from one of the pockets and landed on the coffee table.

Garcia reached it first and slowly unfolded what was actually two pieces of paper. JJ watched her friend's face go through an amazing range of emotions as she read the two sheets. When she handed the papers to JJ, her expression was a mix of sorrow and amazement the complexity of the two confusing JJ.

Lowering her eyes to the top sheet, JJ was surprised to find the words on the faded paper had been written in pencil by a much obviously younger Emily.

_**At the End of the Night**_

_I lie awake and listen to the train whistles, distant and comforting. In the spring the brook runs high with the sound of rushing water, distant and comforting. Why is it all I can think about is: laying down on the tracks; falling in the water. At the end of the night the train will pass, the brook will flow, and this will all be over._

The page underneath was written much more recently, the paper clean and a crisp white. As JJ read it she felt tears sting her eyes and her throat tighten until she could almost not breathe.

_I lie awake and listen to you breathe, close and comforting. In the morning you will wake high with love, close and comforting. Why is it all I can think about is: laying down next to you; falling in love. At the end of the night you are here, I am whole, and everything has just begun._

**EP**

The papers dropped from JJ's limp hand as she closed her eyes against the tears. Garcia reached out and pulled her trembling friend into a tight embrace.


	8. Que Hiciste

**Chapter 8: Que Hiciste **

For long time after the tears stopped she sat still on the floor staring without seeing anything. Eventually, when she put her hand down to push herself to her feet, she felt something under her palm. It was the white card with Guerin's phone number and email address. It must have fallen from the drawer when JJ retrieved her things.

Getting to her feet, Prentiss disconnected her BlackBerry from the charger and typed a brief email.

_I think I need to see you, EP._

Keeping the phone in her hand, she went into the kitchen intending to make coffee. Before she had poured the water into the back of the coffee maker, her phone announced _"You've got mail!"_

_I will tell the gate to expect you, GG._

**Later**

Doctor Robichaud met Prentiss at the front door her expression changing to a look of concern when she saw the closed, guarded look and slightly reddened eyes of the woman standing there.

"Suivez-moi, s'il vous plaît. Elle est la."

Prentiss followed the shorter woman through the entry way and into the great room. Sunlight streamed in the big windows making the room much warmer and comfortable than it had been the night she was last there.

Robichaud stepped down the two stairs into the sunroom with Prentiss behind her. They both stopped looking out into the snowy yard.

"Ile a neigé, que pense tu?"

"Un petit peu," Prentiss replied with a touch of irony. She was looking at the narrow path Guerin had shoveled to the bird feeder and how the snow reached her knees as she stood holding out her left hand. As they watched, a Black Capped Chickadee flew the short distance from a nearby tree, alighted on the side of Guerin's hand for only a second to take a black oil sunflower seed.

At the birdfeeder more chickadees, Rose and White Breasted Nuthatches, and a few sparrows were coming and going feasting on the offered seeds.

"She knows you are here," Robichaud said, turning away. "I'll make some hot chocolate."

Her hand empty of sunflower seeds, Guerin wiped her palm on her pants and made her way back to the door. Prentiss stood watching as the other woman pointedly did not meet her gaze as she entered the room and began removing her boots and sweater.

"What happened to you?" Guerin finally said her back to Prentiss as she hung her wool sweater on a peg by the door.

Prentiss said nothing just stood with her hands deep in the pockets of her dark pea coat. She didn't stir as Guerin moved past her to sit on the wicker sofa one foot propped on the coffee table. When Guerin did finally look at her she felt a sensation of familiarity similar to what she had experienced that day in the washroom at the BAU when their eyes had met in the mirror. She looked away.

"Take off your coat and stay awhile, please," Guerin gestured to the armchair next to the couch. Slowly Prentiss unbuttoned her coat and, draping it over the back of the chair, sat. Once again she did not meet Guerin's eyes, as she watched the birds flitting to and from the feeder in the snow covered yard.

"I can tell something has happened with you; something that troubles you a lot," Guerin was saying. "If nothing comes of anything we talk about today," she took a pad from the table and began writing something her grip on the pen a bit odd with her three fingered hand. "Take this," she folded the note and placed it on the table in front of the other woman. "It's the address to my place in Southwest Florida near Bonita Beach. Go there if you need to get away. The house is right on the beach and has everything you need. Stay as long as you want."

Prentiss stared at the paper a moment before taking it and slipping it into the back pocket of her jeans. Robichaud came in the room carrying a tray and Prentiss' mood seemed to lighten ever so slightly at the sweet scent of the hot chocolate.

There were three mugs on the tray with the large carafe. Robichaud poured two handing them to Guerin and Prentiss. She then stood silently by as if waiting.

"She can stay if you want," Guerin looked from Prentiss to Robichaud.

Prentiss looked at the older, dark haired woman whose expression was open and expectant. "No," she turned her gaze to Guerin, "this is between you and me, I think."

Guerin nodded to Robichaud who left the room. "Do you want to talk about what's upset you so bad?"

"No," Prentiss replied taking a long drink from her mug. "I want to know why you're in my head."

Guerin huffed out a breath and sat back holding her mug to her chest with both hands. "I'm not actually sure," she said. "There's a connection between us, I don't know exactly why. What I do know is that I'm not totally responsible for it."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Prentiss said with venom.

"Easy," Guerin sat forward again. "You're hell on wheels when yer mad and that sure as shit isn't gonna do either of us any good."

Prentiss just looked away again. Guerin placed her mug on the table shifted still farther forward until she was sitting on the edge of the couch. "I can find out what's going on between us, and probably help you sort out what's going on with you, but you have to let me."

That statement hung in the air between them for a long time as Prentiss stared into her mug and Guerin waited. Eventually Prentiss looked up and her eyes met Guerin's for the barest second before she looked out the window again.

The second of contact was enough for Guerin to conclude several things. "Tergensen's all excited about someone making enquires about me. I'm going to assume that came from either you or Reid and that you now know my history."

"Reid asked Garcia to; it wasn't me."

"I can also tell you are this close," Guerin held her thumb and forefinger barely a centimeter apart, "from totally disintegrating. The anger coming off you right now is enough to almost choke me." Prentiss looked at her at that. Her expression was one of annoyance mixed with curiosity. "You need to get yourself together, before you do something you really regret."

Prentiss just scoffed. "You should be in jail, you know."

If Guerin was at all surprised, she didn't show it.

"Girl, I should be dead! You think I don't know that? Don't go assuming things about me you don't know a damn thing about."

"I know about Claire," Prentiss shot back. "I saw the picture in your office. I know you were in love and she was killed."

Guerin looked away uncomfortable at the sharp truth in the other woman's voice. "Yeah, you're right," She looked back at Prentiss her eyes dark. "What I don't get it why that causes you such pain."

When Prentiss said nothing, Guerin moved to sit on the end of the coffee table directly in front of her. Prentiss moved back disturbed by her closeness. "Let me do this," she said softly. "There will be no secrets between us and we can sort this out."

"Like you did with Reid?"

Guerin looked at the woman in front of her levelly. "No, not at all like that. He's an interesting boy, but he's nothing like you."

Her eyes were darkly inquisitive and the offhand compliment caused Prentiss to become intrigued despite her best efforts not to.

Aware of this, Guerin continued. "I can't force you like the people I interrogate. You are far too strong for that. You just have to trust me"

Prentiss let her gaze roam over the woman in front of her feeling her usual confidence reestablish itself. She was aware that Guerin was doing nothing stop her as she assessed her. Prentiss became slowly conscious of the other woman's nervous hesitation, the tension of her muscles as she sat still in front of her, and even the slight itchiness of the bandaged wound on her left arm.

"Alright," she said interested and almost aroused at the closeness she had just felt.

"Just keep in mind you are an equal partner in this. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do."

"Let's get on with it," Prentiss said curtly. Just as she reached out to Prentiss Guerin felt the barest tingle of foreboding.

Blinking into the bright sun, Prentiss looked around. They were standing on a flagstone patio next to a wrought iron railing. Far below was a narrow beach in a crescent shaped bay to the left and right of which were tall hills, mountains almost. The water was a deep blue and stretched out to the horizon broken only by the white sails of several boats.

Behind her was a round pool the water lighter blue then the ocean. Beyond the pool was a beautiful house the interior looking cool and inviting through the open patio doors.

"Reminds me of Monaco," Prentiss said leaning on the rail beside Guerin. The other woman looked different, Prentiss noticed and realized she was seeing her as she used to be before Claire's death, the murders, the coma…

_Yeah, before all that_, Guerin's voice seemed to say though she didn't speak. _You don't need to remind me. _

"So where are we?" Prentiss tilted her face to the sun not the least bit disconcerted.

_It doesn't matter. It's just a construct of my mind put together from a few places I've been around The Med like Cyprus and the south of France._

"Why did you bring me here?" Prentiss asked turning to face the woman beside her.

_It's neutral ground. I thought it might be easier for you._

Prentiss made a small sound of derision as she shrugged. "So, what now? We get a tan, go for a swim? What?"

_Now we go deeper. If you are ready…_

When Prentiss did nothing, said nothing, Guerin reached out again. This time the contact was far more intimate and Prentiss resisted immediately. Guerin felt her struggle as her mind grazed the other woman's touching on the emotions closest to the surface.

Love – real love – new, unexpected and confusing was foremost, followed immediately by a confrontational parting that had left both of them shattered, especially Emily. So many obstacles lay between them, so many things she did not want brought out, yet they were such a big part of what made Emily who she was.

Next, the cute blonde from the BAU was staring up in shock and dismay as memories of an older man – her father Guerin realized – berating and belittling the child Emily slammed through her mind. There was anger, the intensity of it breathtaking, an overwhelming urge to get away and make it stop, and lastly something else that when she touched it Guerin realized right in that moment where all the dark forces driving Prentiss came from: a deep sense of shame.

_God damn you!_ Prentiss seemed to rise up and envelop Guerin as her anger intensified further at the shock of being so exposed. Guerin felt herself driven back and seized by the throat as the other woman pushed into her mind.

She was hanging by her feet from the beam of an old barn the rope coarse and biting. Blood dripped from where her fingers had been forcibly amputated and from the raw wounds on her chest where she had been cut and burned. Panic gripped her heart when she heard them coming again. "Take me!" she pleaded to no avail as one man took Claire by the feet dragging her away and the other landed a blow to her head that rendered her unconscious.

The anguish did not stop there as Prentiss continued pawing through her memories finding the worst moment of the entire ordeal. Realizing that had Guerin just been less stubborn, less willing to fight and sacrifice herself, they may not have gotten into this horror, Claire said the damning words: "Your pride will kill us both!"

Guerin reeled under the guilt, her mind trying to pull away to seek somewhere safe, but she had been weakened and the shock of exposure burned her. Only one other person knew the truth of what had happened and as she thought about Mich, she felt Doctor Robichaud stumble against the kitchen counter the pot she had been holding crash to the floor.

_I cannot stop this!_

Then she was back in the desert, the sun rising as Claire died in her arms blood staining the sand beneath them both_. _

_Claire, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I wish you had never met me. You should never have loved me. I wish you had never loved me._

Prentiss faltered as the words she had only just said herself – the words that had been burned into her mind that morning in the cold predawn – came full circle and she realized they were not her own. They belonged to the woman whose mind she had latched onto in such an impossible, intimate grasp. The one person whose existence seemed to parallel hers so unerringly. Easing up, she felt Guerin pushing back, her own anger piqued by the intense guilt.

She was in a dorm room the smell of hashish and alcohol in the air. It was dark and Madonna's "Justify My Love" was blaring from a portable stereo. The girl under her on the bed was moving to the rhythm of her hands as pleasure screamed through her small frame. "God, Emily! Don't stop!" she gasped.

She bit down on the girl's neck as the girl came under her delighting in the power she felt at evoking the aching need and intense response. They breathed together as the girl relaxed but she was not done, she wanted more. Easily, as she was so much stronger, bigger, she flipped the girl over onto her belly wrapped an arm around her neck. Pushing down with her full weight she felt the girl begin to struggle and the more she fought the more it aroused the woman holding her down.

Her hand explored the body under her grasping roughly between her legs. "Emily, please don't! Stop!"

She didn't stop, didn't want to, it was too much; it made her feel too good, too powerful to stop.

They were standing on a rocky shore next to a still lake the stars brilliant in the night sky above. "Are you satisfied!" Guerin spit at Prentiss furious. "What part of co-operation do you not understand? I wanted to help you! Let you see what's underneath all your anger."

Prentiss was silent her eyes dark and dangerous. She took two steps forward until she was standing directly in front Guerin. "What makes you think I want your help?"

Guerin didn't hold back, "You drove away the one person who could've helped you," The image and the feel of JJ holding on tight their bodies moving together in shared pleasure was plain between them as was the shock and sorrow of their parting. "And it's not me. I could only try to help you see for yourself how much you need her; how much her love can help you get over your past. You didn't even let me! Instead, you decided to drag my face through the mud of what I had done, damn you!" Guerin broke off, reached slowly to place her open hand on the middle of Prentiss' chest.

"This much I know: let her love you, she wants to so badly we can both feel that, and you need her to help you face what your father did to you. How he cut your heart to pieces because you were such a hypersensitive girl and all you wanted was for him to love and accept you."

Prentiss said nothing and did not move to break the contact of Guerin's hand on her. Understanding moved between them as they shared each other's pain. Guerin realized then that in her moment of weakness that day in the washroom of the BAU, Prentiss' sensitive but reluctant mind had touched hers inadvertently starting this whole cascading breakdown in the other woman.

"You can love her, you know. It's not a matter of trying; it's a matter of letting go." Guerin breathed out feeling she may have finally reached her. "Let go and love her and you can let go of all the shame…"

Her anger flared again impossibly hot at that one word and Guerin was driven backward, Prentiss on top of her, hands at her throat, into the dark water of the lake.

_I don't want to feel this way!_

Down, they went sinking deeper Guerin struggling to reach out and push away the other woman's rage. Her shame was such an overpowering emotion driving her anger and causing her to lash out by drowning Guerin to make it stop.

_Get off me, damn you! You're going to kill me!_

_I don't care! I just want it to stop._

Guerin struggled to break the grasp of the hands around her neck as back in the sunroom her actual body fought for breath. She could feel Robichaud enter the room, feel her shock at what she saw and felt. At the edges of her consciousness she also felt Doctor Grayson's dismay and concern and even Tergensen's surprise as the car she was driving went up over the curb in her distraction.

_Mich, help me get her off!_

_I'm trying!_

Even with Robichaud's combined effort it was not enough. Guerin was out of breath. She felt her body relax as unconsciousness started to take her. Almost gone she barely felt a dark, powerful presence, far stronger than the woman who was drowning her, intervene and the bond between her and Prentiss was finally broken.

Back in reality, back in the sunroom, Guerin collapsed backward into unconsciousness her head hitting the glass table with a loud bang.

"What have you done?" Robichaud said the strain of anguish in her voice. She went to Guerin found her breathing shallowly her pounding heartbeat slowing. "She was trying to help you!"

Prentiss gave a sniff of disdain as she stood gazing down at the unconscious woman on the table in front of her. She felt lost in her own power; impossibly strong. She felt Robichaud shrink away from her as she turned and the other woman gasped her eyes going wide in shock.

Prentiss could feel her surprise and the fear that froze her where she stood. That fear was not directed at her, though. When Prentiss turned to leave she found her way blocked by a tall, dark, young woman whose deep brown eyes flashed with anger; an anger directed at her.

She was a good 5 inches taller than Prentiss' own 5 foot 10, solidly built with a broad, expressive, olive-skinned face. Her dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail and the front of her T-shirt was stained as if she did not take much care of herself.

"Carmo…" Robichaud said slowly, carefully.

The tall woman's eyes looked past Prentiss to the psychologist for a second before returning to the woman in front of her the anger escalating at Robichaud's attempt at restraint. At that moment, Prentiss felt true fear. A fear beyond anything she had ever experienced. Her right hand went instinctively to her holstered weapon.

"Non! Emily! _She will kill you where you stand and she does not need a weapon_!"

Again the tall woman's gaze flicked to Robichaud and when she looked back at Prentiss the corner of her mouth curled in scorn as she bared her teeth in a feral snarl for just a moment. Prentiss spread her fingers and held her hand just over her weapon.

"Deixa-la passar," Robichaud said with the strength of authority. "Let her pass."

Breathing out loudly through her nose, the tall woman hesitated before finally stepping aside and giving Prentiss a clear path to the door.

Grabbing her coat, Prentiss was gone.

Instantly Carmo's expression turned to one of concern as she looked at Guerin collapsed on the table.

"Ajude-me com ela," Robichaud ordered kneeling next to Guerin and feeling for her pulse. "She's OK, she's not going to die," Robichaud explained speaking slowly in English instead of the other woman's native Portuguese. "Le-va la."

Carmo scooped up Guerin almost effortlessly and followed Robichaud into the house to the hospital like lab room. Laying her gently on the table she watched as Robichaud placed pads on Guerin's chest to monitor her heart and a blood pressure cuff around her arm. Robichaud powered on the monitors over the bed and prepared an IV drip.

She had just finished inserting the needle and starting the flow when Manuela Grayson rushed into the room. "What happened? Was that Emily Prentiss I saw driving away?" Grayson's eyes went from Guerin to Carmo standing silently a few steps away. "She did this?"

"Emily did, yes," Robichaud answered as she went to a drawer, selected a preloaded syringe, and injected the contents into the IV through a port. "Carmo nearly killed her for it."

"Mich, how could she?" The two women were watching the monitors as Guerin's heart rate and blood pressure began to drop to more normal levels. "Guerin is far too strong to let someone…"

"What the fuck just happened!" Tergensen had appeared at the door to the lab. In one hand she held a glass with ice cubes and a clear liquid, her other hand was pressed to her temple. "I have such a headache."

"Good of you to make it here by way of the bar," Grayson did not hide her annoyance.

Tergensen took a drink from her glass draining half the contents. As she did, her eyes found the silent Carmo and opened wide. "What is she doing up here? Was she responsible for this? Is Guerin going to be alright? I have such a headache…"

"Devin, would you shut up, please," Grayson found a pill bottle on a shelf and tossed the pain reliever to Tergensen. "We all have a headache; you're not the only one."

Tergensen shook two pills out of the bottle and swallowed them with the last of her vodka. "Tell me what happened. It felt like Guerin was strangling."

"Drowning," Robichaud qualified looking at the red haired woman for the first time. "It was Emily Prentiss. Guerin was trying to help her."

"Prentiss!" Tergensen ranted. "The bitch, I'll kill her, I'll shoot her! Wait 'til I get my hands on her…"

"Devin! Just - stop - talking!" Grayson emphasized each word.

Tergensen snapped her jaw shut her face going red. At that moment, there was a moan as Guerin began to regain consciousness.

"Christ, my fucking head…" Guerin took a huge breath in and out followed by another and another. "That girl has issues, damn." Closing her eyes she lay back. Carmo approached the table, stood looking down at Guerin. Slowly she reached out a hand and caressed the other woman's cheek.

"Obrigada, Carmo," Guerin said softly without opening her eyes. The tall woman smiled down at Guerin for a moment then turned and left the room giving Tergensen a scowl as she passed.

"What did I do?" Tergensen complained.

**At a gas station near the I95**

Prentiss jammed the gas pump nozzle into the tank opening of her car and stared at a backhoe moving snow around the adjacent parking lot. The high she had felt from overpowering Guerin was beginning to dissipate. Switching hands on the gas nozzle she noticed her right hand was shaking. Closing her eyes she leaned against the car wishing it would all just go away, that she could just get away. Her tank full, she replaced the nozzle and took her receipt. The strip of paper somehow reminded her of the note Guerin had given her before things went so terribly bad.

Getting in her car, she balled up the receipt and tossed it in the back seat. Taking the note from her pocket, she stared at her GPS for a long moment before reaching to it and keying in the address. The GPS directed her to the southbound I95 and advised her she had a journey of over fifteen hours ahead of her. Numb to anything else, she yanked off her overcoat and got behind the wheel.

Before leaving the gas station she plugged in Guerin's former iPod and queued the playlist called "Crazy Mix" that had so excited Garcia. The pounding beat of Lady Gaga's "_Bad Romance_" trailed her as she headed for the highway.

**Later**

The headlights of her car illuminated a stone wall on either side of an iron gate. She got out and walked toward the wall holding Guerin's note in her hand.

…_at the gate, on the right side, count 3 in and 14 down from the top_

It seemed like a silly puzzle to Prentiss yet she had not come all this way to get stopped at the gate; in the middle of the night. She could see the house in the light of a three quarter moon, hear and smell the Gulf of Mexico beyond that.

The wall was made of bricks about 6 by 6 inches each. With her hand she traced three in and looked up to count fourteen down. That put the brick in question at right about the level of her waist. Bending slightly she tapped it, knocked on it then pushed on it. Like something right out of mystery novel, the brick popped half way out of the wall.

It had a hollow space inside. Prentiss reached in and withdrew a small, grey electronic device that reminded her of a USB flash drive. It was attached to a gold chain. Walking back to her car she touched the grey key to the post next to the driver's side window of her car. When the gate began rolling back, she got in her car and drove through.

Like most houses built where hurricanes and storm surges were everyday issues, the main part of the house was elevated. Defying tradition, to the left of the main house was a two car garage attached to the main structure at right angles. Under half of the main house was a concrete slab parking area. She drove her car in and killed the lights and engine. A light had come on over a drab steel door. Prentiss touched the key to a pad next to the door, heard the lock click open. A set of stairs led up, small LED lights in the treads illuminating the way.

The stairs came out in the kitchen area although most of this lower level was open. On the ocean side of the house, just beyond the dining table, was a broad set of windows the middle two a sliding walk-out to the deck beyond. To the right of the kitchen was the main living area with a sectional sofa facing a flat screen mounted on the side wall. In the corner of the room was a bar with four stools in front.

Turning on a couple lamps as she went, Prentiss went to the bar and looked over the selections. She took a bottle of Bushmill's Irish whiskey, pulled out the stopper and took a slug right from the bottle. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she slid open the door to the deck and walked out. Leaning on the rail, taking sips from the bottle, she looked out at the slowly rolling waves, breathed the warm humid air flavoured with a salty tinge.

There was no way down to the beach from the deck. Prentiss retraced her steps, down the stairs and under the house. An archway led from the parking pad out to a wrought iron fence that separated the property from the beach. The gate in the fence opened to the touch of her key and she passed through, walking the thirty yards or so down to the water's edge. Looping the gold chain over her head, she flopped down into the sand.

Exhaustion seeped from every pore of her body tainted now with a touch of alcohol. The entire drive down to Florida she had not allowed her mind to contemplate anything. Not JJ, her father, or the gruesome memories she had shared with Guerin. And especially not that horrible scene from her dorm room the full extent of which she had never really comprehended.

She had remembered being drunk, high, and out of control; remembered hurting the girl. What she had not recalled was how powerful she had felt in doing so. Dropping her head between her knees she felt herself begin to tremble all over. She knew she had always felt a deep seated sense of shame – unfounded or not – from the abuse her father had put her through. It had always been there, lurking in the background. What she had not realized was how she had manifested that shame on herself by being the one thing she so despised in him: someone who took out their raw emotions on those who trusted them and then enjoyed the pain they created.

_Do they know what you are?_

She began to think then that she was the thing her team protected and the thing they hunted; both the victim and the victimizer all in one. In one moment of weakness she had crossed the line; let the darkness touch her very soul. All the years since she had paid for it with a festering rage at the father who had stolen from her the chance to be who she was supposed to be and replaced it with a monster carved in his own image.

Planting the bottle in the sand at her feet she calmed her breathing forcing her mind to slow and step back away from the precipice she had propelled herself toward. Logically she knew she had made only the one tragic mistake. That period in her life between the pregnancy at fifteen and her first year of university had been one of wildness. She had acted out against her parents in almost any way she could: risky sexual behavior, alcohol, and for a short time drug use, even the counterculture Goth stage she barely remembered.

All of it left her worn out and still saddled with shame and her parents were no wiser, no more accepting , no more loving than they had ever been. At some point she had simply accepted herself when they didn't; acknowledged her own inner strength and resilience. If there was one thing she had learned from them, it was how to carry on when you think it's all falling apart. Carry on she had creating compartments in her mind where all the good and all the bad could be shunted away.

But right when everything had started to come together, when JJ had entered her life and given her hope and a new beginning, it had all come out. The bright light of day was directed on the thing she hated the most about herself: her sense of shame; first so inadvertently with JJ, then more cruelly with Guerin.

Everything she had hidden so well for so long could not be kept from the one person so like herself: one who was both a victim and a murderer. If nothing else, Guerin was as Doctor Grayson described her, a catalyst. She had looked into Prentiss and seen the darkness lurking at her core. There really was no secret that woman could not find. As painful as it had been, she was beginning to feel an astonishing freedom at having been so totally exposed. It was all out there now, nothing left inside.

Her last act of rebellion had been to beat back Guerin. It troubled her deeply the way it had left her feeling so powerful. And what had come of any of it? Guerin had lost Claire no less tragically; in fact Prentiss knew she had actually come to terms with that loss – as much as anyone ever could. Her past was her own. What needed to be dealt with was _her_ _own_ self acceptance. Could she face down that crushing self loathing her father had created in her, or be defeated by it? And, most importantly, would JJ still want her when she knew the truth?

Grabbing the whiskey bottle from the sand, she walked back to the house checking her phone as she went. She had received no texts or instant messages from JJ or anyone else. All she had received were a couple pointless emails. Back in the house she stared at her BlackBerry trying to recall how to turn it off. She never turned it off, just turned the sounds off when she needed to. Finally, she held her thumb down on the red disconnect button watching almost sadly as the screen went black.

Maybe in the morning she would turn it on again. Maybe in the morning she would call JJ and try to explain everything to her. Maybe in the morning everything would seem different but, then again, maybe in the morning she would just carry on feeling tired and numb just like she was now.


	9. Numb

**Chapter 9: Numb**

She woke to the sound of rain. For a long time she lay still trying to remember where she was: why the bed smelled different, why it was raining and why her head hurt. Rolling onto her back she gazed up at the skylights in the ceiling. A thin blind over the glass panels kept the room dim enough for sleeping and allowed a limited view out. Raindrops ran in lazy rivulets down the long narrow glass panes positioned to either side of the peaked roof.

_Florida_, her mind dredged up followed by _alone without JJ_ with all the connotations the name dragged with it.

Sitting up, she looked to the clock on the bedside table. It was only 6:37 and she had barely been asleep more than four and a half hours. Her bladder told her it needed relief as urgently as her head did, so she went to the bathroom to take care of both. Downing three Tylenol migraine gel caps she looked around the big bathroom. It took up the entire side of the house, narrow but fully equipped. The water end was dominated by a large bathtub raised up so the tub's occupant could look out the expansive windows over the Gulf as she bathed. Hardly something she could picture Guerin doing especially with all the candles arranged on ledges under the windows. Now JJ…

Sighing, Prentiss returned to bed.

The next time she woke up her head didn't hurt and she wasn't nearly as tired. Through the glass above her she could see it had stopped raining and the sky was mainly clear with a few fluffy clouds. The clock now read 8:43. Next to the clock were a series of switches marked 'blinds' and 'skylights'. She toggled the one for 'blinds' and the wall at the far end of the foot of the bed began to change from dark to transparent as the windows overlooking the ocean were exposed. Sitting up in bed, Prentiss had an unobstructed view out over the water through the wall of windows. At night with the blinds open and the lights off it would be amazing, she thought. And sunset, JJ would love that.

Tossing back the covers roughly she stalked into the bathroom.

After a long, hot shower she paced naked around the bedroom rubbing her damp hair with a towel. She had not brought anything to wear; even her go-bag was not in her car. Walking into the big closet she realized this house was as prepared for guests as Guerin's creepy mansion outside DC was. Different clothing in many sizes hung from hangers or was tucked in drawers all of it of a sort of gender neutral variety she did not find totally unappealing in the mood she was in. Forsaking underwear, she choose a tank top in light blue and a loose pair of gym shorts, and made her way down the metal spiral stairs to the floor below.

The big room was flooded with light and a breeze was blowing in through the screen over the patio door she had forgotten to close last night. Below the TV was a rack of electronics. Looking things over Prentiss found a Sirius Satellite Radio tuner box. She flicked through the stations until she found one playing an upbeat Latin tune. She found a jug of orange juice in the fridge and taking a large glass and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka from the bar, went out onto the sunny deck. Unfolding a lounge chair she looked back in the house and noticed her holstered weapon and ID folder sitting on the kitchen counter where she had dropped them.

Retrieving the two things, though she had no idea why she might need them just felt safer having them near, she placed everything on a small side table and settled in the lounger. After a time the sun was feeling too warm so she pulled off her tank top and lay back reveling in the warmth on her bare chest.

She had gone through one glass of vodka and orange juice and was preparing to pour another when she noticed a shadow moving across the deck beside her chair. As she reached for her Glock, someone walked out onto the deck, right past her to the rail directly in front of her.

A young woman in loose fitting jean shorts that reached just below her knees, Doc Martens, and a grey zip hoodie over a white tank top, leaned her elbows on the deck rail and gazed off to her left in a disinterested fashion. She had a pair of aviator sunglasses pushed up into her short blond curls and wore a large Breitling watch loose on her left wrist. In her right ear a dark ruby earring caught the sunlight.

The dark complexion and slight pout to her full lips made Prentiss think Latina, probably Cuban of French ancestry judging by the light hair and sharp hazel eyes that were now regarding her with that same lack of apparent interest.

The light hazel eyes went from Prentiss' face to the weapon she held loosely in her lap, over her bare chest, then back to her face before looking away again. Maybe it was the unassuming posture or the way she had checked her out, either made Prentiss feel she was no threat. Putting her weapon back on the table she poured herself another drink. Sipping it, she broke the silence.

"¿Pertenece usted a la casa?" When the girl said nothing, she repeated the question in English adding a bit more of a suggestive spin to it: "Do you come with the house?"

The girl looked at her then, her expression changing from uninterested to calculating as her eyes travelled over Prentiss again and stopped on her face. "Guerin didn't tell me you were coming." Her English had a Spanish lilt to it, her voice light and almost too soft to hear over the music.

"She probably doesn't know I'm here," Prentiss said noting this generated a look that plainly said the other woman found that hard to believe.

The girl walked forward stopping beside the lounge chair where Prentiss lay. For a moment her head bobbed slightly to the Papi Sanchez song playing on the stereo before she looked down her eyes going to the grey electronic key hanging between the other woman's breasts.

"My name is Odalis. Come in and I will make you some breakfast unless you would rather stay out here and get sunburned and shit faced."

Prentiss laughed at the very anglo phrase and the flat, accent free way she had said it. By the time she had pulled her top back on and gathered her things, Odalis was already busy at the kitchen counter. Noticing there was a pot of coffee brewing, Prentiss poured herself a mug. There were several bags of groceries on the counter and near the fridge. Obviously someone had known she was here. _Maybe the house itself_, Prentiss thought taking a stool on the kitchen side of the breakfast bar.

"Shit faced, huh?" Prentiss said to the other woman's back watching as she chopped fruit with a practiced hand. "Where'd you learn English?"

"Montreal," was the curt reply.

"But you're Cuban?" Prentiss pressed.

Odalis said nothing just finished cutting fruit and arranging it all on a plate. Next she cut slices of a thick white bread and brought the fruit, bread, butter, plates and utensils to the breakfast bar. Leaning on one elbow she buttered a slice of bread, took a bite. Her eyes moved around the room stopping on a large painting on the wall near where in the inside stairs went down to the parking pad below the house.

When Prentiss looked at it her breath caught in her throat. It was a watercolour done by an obviously talented artist. Two women sat in the sand with palm trees and sea grape bushes behind them. Guerin was in the foreground her arms around her knees. She was looking down, and slightly behind, at Odalis who was looking directly out from the painting with an expression of carefree youth and experienced sensuality all combined into one. The effect was amazing and somewhat arousing.

Taking her coffee mug, Prentiss walked closer taking in the full effect of the painting. Although Guerin was closer to the viewer she seemed almost insecure; the power lay with Odalis further back but drawing all the attention. Looking closely she realized both Guerin and Odalis wore a single ruby earring in their right earlobes. Dropping her eyes to the lower right corner, Prentiss saw the artist's signature: _C A F Johnson_ and the year 2004.

Looking up she was almost startled to find Odalis standing right beside her.

"Claire?"

"Oui," Odalis gave the word the French Canadian slang inflection that made it sound more like _why_ than _wee_. Absently, she touched her ruby earring. Her eyes were cloudy with the ache of loss. Seeing Prentiss had noticed, she went quickly back to the kitchen and began putting away the groceries.

Prentiss poured more coffee, looked at the young woman as she put milk and cream in the fridge. "She was an amazing artist," she said slowly, gently, watching as Odalis paused holding a six pack of eggs.

"Amazing, yes," for just a moment her eyes went to Prentiss, "she was." Beyond the pain was another emotion, love. Trying to hide what she knew the other woman had probably already seen, Odalis shoved the eggs in the fridge and turned away. "I will be back tomorrow," she said over her shoulder before disappearing down the stairs.

**Later**

Prentiss spent the rest of the day drinking and falling asleep on the lounge chair - thankfully after she had pulled it into the shade of the retractable awning over the patio doors. When she woke for the last time it was early evening and the deck was wet with rain and she was cold and hungry. She found several sandwiches wrapped in plastic and a salad in the fridge. All of them were marked with the name of the local supermarket, Publix.

She sat at the big dining table to eat finding herself facing Claire's portrait of Guerin and Odalis. Just a day or so ago, she knew the picture would have made her furious with aimless rage. Now she saw it simply for what it was: a beautiful work of art.

_JJ would like Odalis' hands_, she found herself thinking. The young Cuban woman had the sort of long fingered, strong hands her lover so desired. She would probably find her quite attractive, in fact, with her fresh faced androgyny. Finishing her meal, she took the dishes to the kitchen placing them in the sink.

Standing at the windows overlooking the deck she watched the rain shower move in from the Gulf. Like the night before when she had sat in the sand in the dark, she felt everything come flooding in. It was smothering, that feeling of helplessness and she could feel herself falling to pieces.

_How far down do I have to go before I hit bottom? Is this the bottom? Is everything else just going to be the struggle to make my way back or am I going to be stuck here?_

JJ's words came back to her: _'I love you and I'm_ _not_ _giving up on you. I'm not letting you go._ _When you have taken the time to know who you are and know that it's not this… come back to me. '_

She could see the beautiful face in front of her like a ghostly reflection in the glass_. JJ, I don't know if I have the strength…_

**Monday Morning**

Slowly coming awake, Prentiss rolled onto her back looking up at the skylights. She rubbed her temple with one hand aware of a dull headache buzzing behind her eyes. Laying back she let out a long breath before kicking off the covers.

Odalis was standing at the end of the bed her hands in the pouch pocket of a black hoodie.

"Fuck, girl!" Prentiss swore jumping to her feet.

"Are you up?" Odalis asked flatly.

"No. I'm still asleep," Prentiss rolled her eyes. "How long have you been standing there?"

An unimpressed shrug was the only answer. Odalis dropped several bags on the end of the bed. Most were marked with the Wal-Mart logo.

"I bought you some things," she upended one bag spreading underwear and socks across the bedspread.

Prentiss rounded the end of the bed, glanced at the garments as she headed to the bathroom. "Thanks."

"I'll put the coffee on," Odalis said heading to the stairs.

Skipping a shower, Prentiss went downstairs attracted by the smell of the brewing coffee. She went first to the stereo to turn on the Sirius channel she had taken a liking to yesterday. Nothing happened and when she looked closer, the display read "no signal". Tossing the remote on the couch, she went to the kitchen. As she sat at the breakfast bar, Odalis placed a mug in front of her.

The coffee was prepared just how she liked it, and very good. "Cuban?" she asked.

Odalis gave a tiny snort. "Columbian."

Prentiss shook two Tylenol out of the bottle she had brought down with her and swallowed them with a gulp of coffee. Her stomach gave an empty gurgle.

"Can you make me something more to eat today; maybe eggs or something?"

"Oui."

By the time Odalis had finished preparing the food, Prentiss had almost two mugs of coffee drunk and her headache had receded to an ignorable level. Her request for breakfast produced a delicious smelling crepe with back bacon and toasted slices of the thick bread well buttered. Odalis sat beside her with a similar plate full.

After the first bite of the crepe, Prentiss looked up surprised. "Where did you learn to cook?"

"Montreal," Odalis answered exactly as yesterday. After a moment she added: "I go to chef school and take languages at McGill during the summer."

"And you spend your winters in Florida? Nice gig," Prentiss was cutting into the meat forking up big bites.

Odalis met her eye a slow smile playing at her mouth and eyes. "Girl, I'm from Cuba. Have you ever been to Montreal in the winter? I don't do snow."

Prentiss returned the smile realizing these were probably some of the longest sentences the younger woman had put together in the entire time they had talked.

Finished her breakfast, Odalis went to the stereo and turned on a Latin radio station. Moving her head and shoulders slightly to the beat, she gathered the empty dishes and began the clean up.

"What's wrong with Sirius?" Prentiss asked, sipping coffee.

"It's off the air; there's satellite problems. Apparently most GPSs aren't working and the communications link to the International Space Station is down." She turned and glanced at Prentiss. "It's on the news," she added gesturing to the TV.

The last thing Prentiss wanted to do today was sit around and watch CNN. "Was that a bathing suit you brought me?" She remembered seeing a dark blue bikini in one of the bags; thankfully one that had not been from the world's largest retailer.

"Oui."

Still the same slang cadence that made the affirmative sound like a question. Prentiss didn't bother to ask how she knew her size; was just grateful to have some fresh clothing that did not have the feel of belonging to someone else.

"Gonna chill on the beach today?" Odalis turned around wiping her hands on a towel. "Don't want me to take you to the Gator Park?" Odalis' eyes had a playful sparkle that Prentiss had not seen before. She didn't know which girl she liked better: the mysterious, disinterested Latina or the ordinary, yet mischievous girl. Both had their merits.

"We can do that another day," Prentiss slid her empty mug onto the counter next to Odalis. "Is there a washing machine? I'd like to do a few things."

"At the bottom of the stairs, door to the right. I can put it in for you. Just go up and toss down what you want washed."

Prentiss started for the stairs.

"Attend," Odalis called after her. "J'ai oublié. The chicas are having a get together tonight if you want me to take you."

Raising her eyebrows, Prentiss waited for further explanation.

"It's like a tea dance, pool party," Odalis added. "Don't worry, there'll be booze."

"I dunno," Prentiss looked at the bar with all the bottles. "There's plenty of booze here."

Odalis shrugged. "I'll be back around later with supper. I'll take you if you want to go."

**Later**

After showering and dressing in shorts and a tank top with a pair of sandals that fit her feet reasonably well, Prentiss went downstairs. Jennifer Lopez was singing in Spanish to what appeared to be an empty house.

Making her way down to the lower level, she noticed a door to the right of the main door just as Odalis had promised. It was locked so she used her key. Inside was an open area with a concrete floor. A frontloading washer and dryer were propped a good foot or so off the floor on solid blocks made of steel and concrete. Shelving around the exterior of the room held various items including some older books, cleaning supplies, several beach umbrellas and folding chairs. There were three bicycles and two Vespa scooters on the other side of the stairs.

The washer had finished its cycle so she removed the clothing dumping everything into a basket to take upstairs. It would all dry in the warm sun of the deck and she wouldn't have to bother with the dryer. Odalis had washed the bikini by hand and hung it from a short line over the dryer. Prentiss took the two pieces down and put them on under her tank top and shorts. The bikini fit well and she looked good in it, if her reflection in the shiny stainless steel appliances was any judge.

Picking up the laundry basket she noticed a closed steel door straight ahead. Curious, she put the basket down and walked closer. The door had an electronic key pad which, like every other door so far, responded to her key. Pulling open the heavy door she stepped inside making sure it did not close behind her.

It was a store room, the entire perimeter covered in shelves. Another shelving unit went down the center of the room. There was everything here: food, water, many bottles of alcohol, wine and beer, clothing, and many items that could be described as emergency or survival items like batteries, flashlights and military ration packs. Everything anyone would need if the end of the world arrived the day after tomorrow.

At the far end of the room was another door. This door was even heavier steel and to the right, at eye level, was a retinal scanning device. Touching her key to the pad below the scanner she heard the lock cycle open with a solid _thunk_. The door swung slowly inward to her push and she flipped on the lights.

"Oh, my!" she said to herself gazing around. The room was an armoury. A worktable occupied the center of the room with various cleaning and repair supplies. On multiple pegs around the room were various weapons. Walking slowly around, she recognized two Heckler and Koch submachine guns – one the newer UMP the other a model of the ubiquitous MP5. There were two rifles with scopes; one an Austrian Steyr the other she didn't recognize. Beside those were two shotguns. The first was an elegant Beretta the other a modified Remington that made her smile. She had trained on the Remington 870 at the Academy placing 3rd in her class and top female in qualification.

She lifted the shotgun down noting the folding stock, pistol grips and other tactical modifications. For some reason she pictured JJ walking in the room, smiling and delivering that classic line from Terminator 2 where the young John Connor remarks to Arnold "It's you," as the leather clad machine chooses a massive machine gun from the underground stash.

Sighing, she put the 12 gauge back on the pegs and finished looking around the room. There were drawers of handguns in all makes and calibers and oodles of ammunition. Why Guerin would need all this, she had no idea.

Passing back through the storeroom, she picked out a couple bottles of wine and a fresh bottle each of the vodka and whiskey she had polished off over the last couple days. There was some beer in the fridge so there was no need to lug any of that upstairs.

Back in the main room, she noticed one more door she had yet to explore. From where it was situated, she suspected it led to the garage. Just inside the garage door was the most amazing vehicle she had ever seen. Walking slowly around the deep indigo blue Range Rover she tried to take in all the details and customizations. From the unique paint, to the chrome grill with a winch, to the huge roof rack complete with a ladder on the back for access and a row of lighting along the front, down to the 20 inch wheels. The thing was a beast.

Remembering she had noticed a key press in the storeroom, she went back and found the Ranger Rover's key ring. The lights flashed as she thumbed the unlock on the remote. Opening the driver's side door, she noticed right away there was no backseat. Most of the area immediately behind the two front seats was enclosed – for what she couldn't as yet guess. Stepping up – as the ground clearance had been increased – and into the driver's seat she ran her hands along the exceptional leather that surrounded her.

The interior was a warm tan. On the console at the driver's right hand were a variety of electronics looking more like the interior of a high tech police cruiser than a civilian vehicle. Inserting the key she turned it far enough so the systems came to life. There was a huge GPS screen currently displaying 'no signal', a status panel that led her to believe the engine had been done over into a hybrid, and a smaller screen that showed multiple exterior views_. The Beast probably bites if you get too close_, she thought.

Yanking the key, she got out and locked it. The Beast flashed its lights and settled once again to resting and waiting. Shaking her head she noticed there was another car in the garage. A Mini Cooper convertible in red with black stripes sat beside the Range Rover looking like a stylish little sister.

**Later **

Prentiss was showering in the little stall under the house washing off the day's sand and salt when she heard a rumbling noise. Peeking out, she saw a motorcycle pull in, circle and park on the concrete pad. Odalis stepped off, dropped her helmet on a mirror and started toward her. Prentiss pulled the curtain closed knowing the young woman had few boundaries.

"I brought something to eat," the voice that went with the boots she could see under the edge of the curtain said. "Meet you upstairs."

Upstairs, Prentiss sat on a stool still toweling her hair dry while Odalis removed the take out from a large paper bag placing one container in front of each of them. "Grouper in a basket," she said putting ketchup, salt and pepper and a small glass bottle with a brown liquid on the counter.

There wasn't a basket to be seen just deep fried chunks of the fresh white fish, coleslaw and fresh cut fries. Prentiss eyed the glass bottle warily. "Malt vinegar," Odalis upended the bottle dabbing the stuff over her fries. They ate in silence for awhile.

"So, are you coming?"

Prentiss looked down at her food. "Am I supposed to be? Is it that good?"

Odalis actually laughed. Her face became animated as the corners of her eyes crinkled. Prentiss found herself smiling at the young woman's amusement. "With me," she finally said, "to the party?"

"What should I wear?"

Odalis was wearing what was probably her everyday clothes modified only with a few accessories. From the belt of her black shorts a long silver chain was looped, and she wore several rings on her fingers including one on her right thumb.

"You will get more attention if you go a little butch. Make them wonder," Odalis said this with a shrug.

"This from the girl who looks like she's about to bust a move with her homies."

Odalis just smirked as she got up to clear the take out remains from the breakfast bar. As Prentiss headed for the stairs she called after her: "Some of the girls wear their swimsuits underneath so they can get wet, you know, in the pool, if they feel like it."

Laughing, Prentiss went up the stairs. As if to make a point, on the floor below, Odalis changed the radio station to one playing hip-hop; and turned it up loud.

Prentiss got dressed to Timbaland rapping and singing with So Shy and Nelly Furtado about the morning after dark. Finishing lacing up the pair of black Converse high tops Odalis had brought her that morning, she turned to exit the closet and found the young woman standing there.

"That'll do," Odalis looked Prentiss up and down taking in the black shorts that showed just enough leg and sat low on her hips, the bikini top under the open colourful Hawaiian style shirt and lastly the sneakers with white ankle socks. "You're gonna mess them up big time."

**Later**

The sun was setting when Odalis drove the Sportster into the driveway of a big ranch style house. The house sat on a slight rise above the back bay and had nothing of the cottage feel of Guerin's place. Prentiss followed Odalis down a pathway between the garage and a chain link fence overgrown with clematis vines as music with a Latin beat flavoured with hip-hop got louder. They came out into the pool area and started to make their way toward the thatched cabana that served as a bar when a short Latina girl with a smirk full of attitude separated herself from a group of women and blocked their path.

"Who's the gringa?" she demanded looking at Odalis and thrusting her chin at Prentiss. Odalis didn't get a chance to answer as Prentiss brushed past them both headed for the bar.

"Who's the bitch?" she cast back over her shoulder as she shook her hair loose and put on her best strut knowing all eyes were on her. Behind her there were hoots of laughter and one voice said loudly, "you go, girl!"

A blonde woman standing at the corner of the bar watched her progress and did not seem the least bit surprised when Prentiss walked right up to her, leaned an elbow on the bar, and looked pointedly at the drink she held. The blonde made eye contact with the girl serving drinks and another glass with ice and the bottle were placed on the bar next to them. Prentiss poured a generous helping of the aromatic rum, took a sip and smiled in appreciation.

"Trinny rum," the blonde said, "nice, isn't it?" Her eyes went over the dark haired woman's shoulder to follow the little Latina as she stalked away from Odalis to the other side of the pool. "Girl, you sure messed with her!" the slow cadence of her voice was all sexy southern.

"Bitch needs an attitude adjustment; maybe behind that bush over there."

"I'd pay to see that," the blonde let a grin make its way across her features "Her name is Carmen, but everyone calls her Cathy because they know she hates it."

Prentiss laughed looking up from her drink at the woman standing next to her. Dark blue eyes under blonde brows and pale, smooth skin with just enough makeup to set off her eyes and lips, her posture was totally relaxed. The natural, straight blonde hair that hung down to her shoulders and the way she flicked it absently with one hand, reminded Prentiss of JJ.

Lifting her glass, she drained the rest of the rum pushing back the painful thoughts and the stinging reminder of a decision she had yet to make. She had no idea where any of this was going to lead; whether she wanted to go down any of these alternate paths; down into the dark. She just knew the longer she stayed numb, the easier it was for her old self to come stealing back.

"What are you doing hanging with the chicas?" Prentiss looked around the pool area taking in the women there the majority being Latina with a few black girls and a few other white girls thrown in.

"I do their hair." When Prentiss laughed, the blonde extended her hand. "I'm Katie," she introduced herself. Prentiss grasped her hand noting how the other woman held on just a moment too long.

"Emily."

Katie smiled again. "Would you like to dance, Emily?"

They had danced to a couple of fast paced songs before Katie began moving closer to Emily. Her hands explored the dark haired woman's bare waist as she moved her body to a slower salsa beat. Emily leaned closer her own hands going to the blonde's waist as she breathed in the scent of her hair.

Katie's hand moved between them trailing just the tips of her fingers across Emily's bare skin as she traced a path upward from the waist of her shorts. Emily felt a shiver go through her. Katie felt it too, "are you with Odalis?" she asked directly into the other woman's ear.

When Emily made no reply, Katie closed the last of the distance between them fitting their bodies together she moved her groin against the other woman's pelvic bone in a slow grind. Her arms were now around Emily's neck one hand touching her neck just below the ear, then her jaw line. When Katie moved to kiss her, Emily pulled back.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this," Emily turned away moving back to the bar. She poured a shot from the bottle of Angostura 1919 and downed it as Katie touched her back.

"You're not over her, whoever she is," the blonde said sympathetically.

"No, I don't think I want to be," Prentiss felt herself beginning to unravel again as the pain of what had happened between her and JJ came oozing back in.

"She's a lucky girl," Katie said to her back as Prentiss walked away.


	10. Breakeven

A/N: There's a scene in this that is kinda in-your-face. It's meant to be. There are some things I feel very strongly about; one of them is being who you are and who you are meant to be. I walk the walk, talk the talk, and live the life _- every day_. I live it; I love it; I am it. I'm totally out there. To all you kids who are so daringly reading this (and other slash) and are so bold about how young you are and how queer or bi you are, take a minute to think about those of us who came before you. For every time I just took it in high school when they said I dressed like a boy; for every time I got called a dyke on the street like it was the worst thing anyone could possibly be; or for every time someone so cruelly wondered behind my back if I was a boy or a girl, you got one step closer to living in a safer more accepting world. Know this: I'd do it all again just to be true to myself and to you. Keep your chin up, keep the faith, and always, always be true to yourself. It's not easy but it's getting better. …stepping down off soapbox … Alice…..

Also, you can skip this chapter and go to the "Alternate Version of Chapter 10" before finishing the story with chapter 11. The alternate version is longer and more detailed. I think of it as the "Director's Cut". Your choice …

**Chapter 10: Breakeven**

Prentiss found the path down to the dock, walked to the very end and sat, drawing her knees up to her chin.

A few minutes later Odalis sat beside her. She had several small bottles of Corona. Opening two, she passed one to Prentiss took a long pull off the other. "Do you want to go home now? Are you alright?"

"No and no," Prentiss just sipped the beer. "Did you know Cathy was going to try to mess with me?"

Odalis looked as if she were trying to suppress a smile. "I thought she might. I figured with all you got goin' on you wouldn't have a problem."

"You don't like her much?"

"Oui."

Prentiss looked away for a minute, sipped her beer. "What about Katie? She do your hair?"

Odalis looked at her directly and grinned as she got the double meaning. "A few times," she answered. "We're all kinda inbred down here, if you know what I mean."

They were both silent for a time watching as a party boat moved along parallel to the shore its lights bright and a dull beat of music following it.

"Tell me about Claire," Prentiss said surprising them both.

Odalis took a deep breath her head going back as she closed her eyes. For a long time she said nothing. Finally she began her voice low. "Claire used to come to Cuba. I met her for the first time when I was sixteen. I worked at the resort where she liked to stay. This was a couple years before she met Guerin." Odalis had finished the beer and was rolling the empty bottle between her palms. Prentiss waited her out.

"I loved her from the first day I saw her. Do you know what that's like?"

The vision of a beautiful blonde woman walking toward her holding several file folders next to her chest popped unbidden into Prentiss' mind. She felt the whole thing again as if it had just happened only minutes ago: felt herself look up and get caught in those sweet blue eyes and gentle smile. "Yeah, I do," she managed to say though her throat was suddenly tight.

Odalis was looking at her closely as if she was aware of the other woman's thoughts. After another moment she continued. "We spent time together off the resort. Claire loved Cuba, loved the people. She was always drawing, always wanting to go somewhere new, see something new. I would drive her around on my little motorbike." Odalis smiled at the memory.

"Did you tell her how you felt?" Prentiss asked when Odalis seemed to falter.

"Oui," their eyes met for a moment and Prentiss felt the younger woman's pain and longing. "She told me she didn't want me to be her vacation romance; didn't want to use me like that." Odalis looked away then back at Prentiss her eyes full of raw agony. "I didn't care. I wanted her so bad. I would've done anything to be with her.

"Then she met Guerin. I could tell things were different with her that year. Guerin was in Afghanistan and Claire was so worried. She would always talk to me, you know, tell me everything. Good thing her Spanish was so good and I had learned some French and English," Odalis gave a self depreciating laugh. "She didn't want to lose Guerin like that; away at some stupid war." Odalis dropped the empty bottle beside her, picked up a full one.

Prentiss was watching her closely; felt instinctually she knew where this was going. "And then you met Guerin," she prompted.

Odalis turned her gaze full on the woman beside her. "Oui. The next year they came down together. Claire had talked about me, told her about me. Guerin was always so insecure about her relationship with Claire. I think she felt she could never hold her, that Claire would slip away somehow."

Prentiss thought of the painting of Odalis and Guerin; how Guerin was looking back over her shoulder at Odalis behind her the self-doubt so clear when you looked for it.

Odalis took a deep breath began again. "I don't know why; I still don't know why, but Guerin wanted us to be together – all three of us. I think…" the young woman faltered started again more strongly. "I think Claire really cared about me. That she felt something more than just friendship."

"Why would Guerin do that if she was so insecure about Claire?" Prentiss asked surprised at where this story was going.

"You don't know her that well, do you?" Odalis asked looking at Prentiss her eyes dark. "She always lived kind of on the edge. She had a way of messing with people even before…" her voice trailed off. "Besides, they were going to fly back to Canada in a few days."

Prentiss waited as Odalis reached into a pocket pulling out a bottle opener. She uncapped the bottle she had been holding, took a drink. "Guerin was always good at reading people, even before what happened to her. She knew Claire was the one thing we most desired; both of us."

_The memory is fresh, raw and so emotionally charged. I'm nervous, so nervous I think I will stop breathing. Claire is facing me; tall and incredibly gorgeous. I have wanted her for so long it has become like a part of me, the longing. She smiles at me, holds my face between both hands for a moment before running her hands through my hair, down my neck, across my shoulders. Guerin is behind me her hands at my waist her voice and breathe in my ear. I can feel the heat of her body against my back. I know she is older, so much more experienced and it makes me feel so impossibly young. "She's going to kiss you and you won't understand," says the voice in my ear as her hands move over my hips. _

"I was just twenty and it was my first experience with anyone." When Odalis shook her head, Prentiss could tell the memory was wistful not disturbing.

"That's a lot to drop on someone…" Prentiss began but Odalis interrupted.

"Don't feel sorry for me," the younger woman was adamant. "If, for just once, you get to have the one thing you want more than anything it's always going to be a good thing. If you get to keep it, well…" she trailed off smiling and shaking her head.

Prentiss looked away thinking about JJ. _I_ _had the one thing I wanted most_, she thought_. God, don't I know that now. Why did I run away?_ She lowered her head to her knees, let out a long breath. _I'm falling to pieces … the best part of me really is her. It's so clear now._

"Girl, you OK?" Odalis touched her shoulder, shook her slightly. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, not just yet," Prentiss looked up slowly. After a moment she turned her eyes to Odalis. "Tell me the rest of the story. How did you get out of Cuba? Was it Guerin?" It was not just a defection; she really wanted to hear the rest.

Odalis looked out over the water again rolling the half empty bottle in her hands her rings clicking as they contacted the glass. Draining the rest of the beer, she put the bottle down her right hand going to her ruby earring.

"Claire came back the next year by herself. Guerin was in Afghanistan again. She was distant and tense. I knew anything we had – even the three of us – was gone. I barely talked to her. On her last day she came to me, gave me that painting, and told me she was sorry if she hurt me. Then she kissed me and was gone."

Odalis fought for composure her eyes filling with tears. When she continued, her voice was tight with strain. "I had no way of knowing anything happened. When she didn't come the next February and the one after, I thought she just didn't want to see me anymore." She paused for a long moment taking deep breaths.

"In the fall of 2006, Guerin showed up at my house. I almost didn't recognize her she was so…" Odalis struggled to find the word, settled on, "damaged," before continuing. "She told me Claire had always wanted me to leave Cuba, come to Montreal. It wasn't news to me, Claire had always talked like that I just didn't think she was serious. I would've left at anytime to, if I knew she was waiting for me. I would've swam to Miami if it meant being with her.

"I could tell by the way Guerin was acting and the way she was so horribly scarred that something terrible had happened she just didn't want to tell me. All she would say is that it was a promise she made to Claire. A promise she made to her as she was dying. 'Bring that picture and nothing else' she said to me. 'Meet me in Santiago de Cuba the day after tomorrow there will be a boat just offshore. I'll take you to Montreal and you can train to be a chef, learn English and French like you and Claire always wanted'. She told me she had the power to do that; to give me a new identity."

"And you believed her? You went?" Prentiss was surprised, amazed almost, that the young Cuban woman had put her trust in someone who was essentially a stranger. A very odd, troubled stranger as well.

"Girl, I'm here aren't I?" she laughed then the strain and sorrow dissipating. "I guess I went for Claire; sometimes I don't really know why I went."

With a grunt she got to her feet reaching a hand down to help Prentiss up. When Odalis gripped her hand and pulled her up, she found herself intimately close to the other woman.

Odalis leaned closer still her hand going to Prentiss' waist then up along her bare ribs.

"Hey, girl," Prentiss pushed her back, a hand on her chest. "What's that all about? I'm not Claire."

Odalis took a step back and bent to pick up the empty bottles. When she straightened, she looked directly at Prentiss her eyes dull with longing. "You're a lot like her."

**Later**

They drove home the moon rising behind them. Prentiss was thankful for the sweatpants and jacket Odalis had told her to bring. Wearing them kept the chill off her bare skin and kept the occasional _snap_ of a bug impact from being too painful.

Her long thighs were around the smaller woman, Odalis' back against her crotch. When her hands got cold she slipped them in the pouch pocket of Odalis' hoodie. The other woman gave a little nod of her head as she looked back for just a second in acknowledgement of the contact.

Back at the beach house, Odalis circled the bike on the parking pad and stopped. Killing the engine she sat astride the bike as Prentiss got off and removed her helmet.

"Do you want to come up for awhile?" Prentiss asked not sure why she said it, just thinking she did not really want to be alone.

Odalis slowly removed her helmet, eyed the woman standing in front of her. "You know I would sleep with you in a second if that's what you want."

"Alright, good thing we are clear on that," Prentiss put a hand on her hip letting a little attitude seep into her posture.

Odalis plunked her helmet on the mirror. "With everything you've got going on," she started slowly, "and as beautiful as you are, why does it surprise you so much when women are attracted to you?"

Prentiss looked away for a minute, thought about the question seriously. "I guess I've never really been the one who was pursued."

"Ah…" Odalis swung her leg over the bike, started towards the door to the stairs. "Girl, yer more butch than I am!"

Upstairs Odalis went to the stereo while Prentiss found the downstairs washroom. When she came out Odalis handed her a small cooler full of ice and bottles of Corona. Prentiss went out onto the deck pulling out two chairs and a small table for the cooler to sit on between them.

The full moon was coming up over the peak of the house casting a long shadow across the deck. As Prentiss sat sipping beer, another shadow blended with the moon's glow and Odalis came out onto the deck moving her body to the music.

With a rhythmic step she danced toward the rail and, back to, moved her hips in a jerky motion to the heavy dance beat of the song. "You go, Shakira!" Prentiss laughed at her watching as Odalis moved with total abandon.

Turning around, Odalis moved across the deck and leaned in to take a bottle of beer from the cooler. As she did she spoke close to Prentiss' ear. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "Are you going to go back to her, Emily?"

Prentiss sat still watching as she worked her opener, flipped the cap into the cooler, all the while moving in perfect rhythm to the music. Taking a long drink she moved behind Prentiss, leaned over the back of her chair. "Guerin thinks you love that girl," she said just behind Prentiss. "You just don't know what to do about it. You think she will not want you when you tell her the truth about everything."

Odalis moved around to the side her voice joining in the chorus of the song for a few moments as she danced. "How hard can it be to love someone, girl?" she asked leaning in close before pulling back."Loving someone is accepting all the good and the bad."

Prentiss held eye contact with the younger woman. "I'm afraid," she said honestly. "I don't want to lose her. When I met Guerin, all I could think about was losing Jennifer because I couldn't protect her; like Guerin couldn't protect Claire."

The hazel eyes hovering close to her face went dark for just a moment then Odalis swiveled away dancing over to the deck rail and drinking from her bottle. Still moving to the music, she circled behind Prentiss again.

"You may never be tested like that. Don't make excuses. How will you ever know if you don't try? We only have so much time. All we can do is make the best of what is given to us."

"How did you get to be so wise?" Prentiss asked surprised at the young woman.

Odalis leaned in close her hands on the armrests of Prentiss' chair. She gave the older woman a quick kiss on her forehead, pulled back and winked. "I'm channeling Gandalf."

Dropping her head back Prentiss laughed. Odalis danced off across the deck.

**Tuesday Morning**

Coming slowly awake, Prentiss stretched and her hand lightly brushed the body next to her. Odalis was on her side facing away, her back smooth and naked. _This is probably the first time I've ever had a woman in my bed I haven't had sex with,_ she thought her eyes following the curve of the younger woman's waist where the sheet dipped then rose again over her surprisingly feminine hip.

Her mind went back to the night before and how they lay there together like two teenagers on a sleepover the moonlight shining in the skylights as they talked.

"_Does your girl like that part of you?" Odalis had asked. "How you can move so easy between butch and femme?"_

_Prentiss had thought of JJ walking into the bar that day in Washington her eyes travelling all over her as she said: "I love it when you butch it up like that."_

"_Yeah, she does. JJ's smart like that; she knows what she likes and doesn't get caught up in the conventions that belong to straight people."_

_She had laid there for a long time just watching the patterns of moonlight on the ceiling as she thought back through her life and all the times she had been with some woman their bodies together but their minds so far apart._

"_It's so different with her," she had found herself saying. "Every touch is something so new. I just can't imagine anything else than being with her. All my life I thought I had what I wanted; a new girl any time I craved contact. It all seems so empty now."_

_Odalis had smirked at her in the moonlight. "That's love, girl. How can you be so dumb?"_

_Prentiss had laughed with her reaching out to give the other woman a swat on her shoulder. _

_After a time Odalis said: "The chicas are going to have to have a memorial service to mourn you not being the number one playa on the scene anymore." _

_Time had passed, the moonlight slanting down the wall. Prentiss knew Odalis was still awake when she asked softly: "Do you think there's ever anything we can do in our lives that can't be forgiven?" The eyes watching her were wise and compassionate at the same time. "And I don't mean the truly evil things that small fraction of us are capable of, I mean the things that happened in your life that you know were wrong and that you regret, wish you could take back."_

"_I think it depends on how you feel about it," Odalis had answered. "Whether you accept it as a mistake, learn from it, and move on or not." She had shifted onto her back before continuing. "I beat a girl up once. Really put a pounding on her. I didn't even know I could do that. I swear I probably would've killed her if they hadn't pulled me off her I was so out of control. You know what the worst part was?" Odalis had waited for a moment thinking back, framing her words. "I found it so satisfying. Each punch felt so good. Well, at least until I broke my finger. Do you know what that's like?"_

"_I do."_

"_Then you should also know we are not the sum total of one mistake – of one bad thing. Unless you give in to it - and I think that's what weak people do – give in, give up, it's forgivable. You are who you make yourself, not what others tell you you are."_

"_Do you think you have a dark side, Odalis?"_

_The younger woman had looked directly at her then. "That's a strange question to ask and if I didn't know you had met Guerin; I'd wonder why you asked me that." There had been a pause before she asked, "She's been in your head hasn't she?"_

_When Prentiss had made no reply, Odalis had kept on. "That's a dark side, girl. Knowing that every day of your life, for the rest of your life, you'd do it all over again just as bloody and just as awful as the first time you did it. Claire wouldn't have wanted that, that's what Guerin will never get. She might say she's moved on about Claire, but she'll never get over herself. I don't know you that well, Emily, but I don't think you're like that."_

Prentiss sighed looking up at the wane sunlight streaming in the skylights as last night's conversation began to fade. There was one question, though, one thing she wanted to know.

"Odalis?"

"Oui."

"What did that girl you beat up do to you?"

Odalis breathed in deeply then out again as she turned on her back looking up into the sunlight. "She said to me that if I was just less butch looking and acting, straight people would accept us, us gay people, better. The fucking straight bitch," Odalis huffed.

"I think I would've smacked her too," Prentiss commiserated.

"That wasn't the thing that bothered me so much about the whole thing. It was how I lost control; how I made everything I was feeling so much more important than anything else. That's what I regret."

Prentiss thought for a long time before she heard herself saying two simple words that put it all into perspective, "me too."

**Later**

It was early afternoon when Prentiss finally came downstairs showered and ready for the day. Odalis was standing next to the sofa the TV remote in her hand. The TV was on CBC Newsworld and, as Prentiss went to the kitchen area to pour coffee, the news anchor was babbling in the background.

"…explosion and fire this morning in a telecommunications facility near Union Station in Toronto caused commuter chaos for several hours. There are now widespread reports of major computer outages to Financial Institutions across the country. This may be related to the damage caused by the fire in Toronto that, sources say, has caused a significant failure of a large part of the communications infrastructure. The Interac Association released a statement advising the public that network issues currently being experienced by the major bank's ABMs and Point-of-Sale terminals are being addressed as quickly as possible. The actual number of bank machines and POS devices connected to the Interac network that are affected by this outage is unknown at…"

As Prentiss stirred her coffee, the TV went silent for just a moment before the sound resumed this time with the clipped British accent of a BBC World News reporter. "Cell phone service providers in Japan are reporting major disruptions in network service affecting millions of customers. Very few details are available at this time…"

Odalis thumbed the remote again stopping on CNN as Prentiss walked up beside her.

"…unprecedented outage yesterday to GPS systems and the Sirius Satellite network are being blamed on ground-based computer issues. Service to both have been restored but we are now receiving reports of sporadic outages to 911 computer systems in California and Texas. Officials are advising the public in Los Angeles and Houston to please be patient when…"

Odalis killed the TV and dropped the remote on the couch. "Are you ready for your spa day? Nothing like getting all up into your femme side to get you back on track and ready to go home tomorrow."

"We're not taking your Harley I hope."

"Non," Odalis headed for the stairs. "We're taking the Mini Cooper. Wanna drive?"

**Later**

"You seem so much more relaxed than you were last night," Katie commented leaning on the bar next to Prentiss. "There's nothing like a mani, pedi, and massage to help a girl get her feet under her." She reached out and flipped a lock of the other woman's dark hair. "And your hair looks good, if I do so say myself."

Prentiss just laughed leaning back against the bar with both elbows. She let her eyes wander around the people in the small club a mixture of women, men and even a few straight people.

"I'm sorry if I came on a little strong last night," Katie was saying. "I've kinda been on the rebound since Jackie left me in October."

"I understand," Prentiss said distracted by a young man and woman at a nearby table. They were sitting close together as if insecure in such tight proximity to so many gay people. She was wondering what they were doing there when the girl said a last comment to the guy, got up from the table and walked right up to her and Katie.

"Hi," the girl started, obviously nervous.

"Hi, yourself," Katie responded moving just a fraction closer to Prentiss.

"My name's Lisa. My boyfriend," she gestured over her shoulder to the guy at the table who was taking a drink from his beer bottle and trying to look anywhere but at them.

"The dude in the NASCAR ball cap?" as Katie said this Prentiss could see her mouth turn up slightly in sly humour.

"Yeah, he thinks you two are really hot," the girl paused for a beat and Prentiss felt Katie give her a slight nudge with her elbow. "And it would be really fun if you," she looked pointedly at Prentiss, "and me, got it on with him."

Running her tongue between her lips, Prentiss looked sideways at Katie. "What do you think, Katie?" she asked the blonde woman trying hard to keep her tone serious. "Lindsey…"

"Lisa," the girl corrected, glancing back at her boyfriend.

"Lesley's kinda cute in a Wal-Mart shoppin', halter-top wearing, Budweiser swillin' kinda way, don'tcha think?"

If the girl knew she had just been insulted, she gave no sign.

Katie gave a little shrug of her shoulders and flipped her hair. "I guess. Lucky you he likes brunettes not blondes," she affected a disappointed look.

"So, you're cool with that? He can watch at first if you're nervous."

Prentiss sighed. "I hate to tell you this, Linda, but we're lesbians."

Lisa just stood there not reacting.

"That means we're not interested in men," Katie finished.

Finally the girl reacted: "But you're totally hot!" she said in disbelief.

Ready to respond, Prentiss paused as she saw Katie's attention shift to the end of the bar. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Odalis standing there watching closely. Before anyone could react, Odalis rounded the bar, walking directly to Prentiss. Pressing her body directly on the dark haired woman she gripped Prentiss' belt buckle tightly just over her crotch as she leaned in to plant a long, passionate kiss on the other woman.

Feeling the shorter woman's tongue caress her upper lip and press between her lips, Prentiss dropped a hand to her butt and groped suggestively at Odalis' firm behind. She had a long moment to appreciate Odalis' incredible skill with her mouth before Odalis broke off and settled between her and Katie. "Miss me sweetie?" she gave Prentiss an attitude laced look.

"You betcha," Prentiss ran her hand down Odalis' arm, found her hand and interlaced their fingers.

"Who's the chica?" Odalis looked at the young woman still standing in front of them.

"This is Luann," Prentiss started. "She wants to have a threesome with us."

"No, not you," Lisa looked directly at Odalis. "Her," she nodded to Prentiss, "and me and my boyfriend." Again she looked over her shoulder. This time the guy was watching them his eyes wide.

"Not me?" Odalis questioned her voice only slightly surprised.

"You're a dyke!" Lisa said, as if this explained everything.

Prentiss was surprised at her restraint, considering her history, when Odalis began: "And you're a clueless straight girl who thinks it would be fun to play at being gay for the pleasure of some dumb-ass guy. You think you can just come into my sandbox and play with my toys whenever you like and then go on back to your world? Let me tell you something, chica," Odalis leaned forward her posture somewhat threatening. Prentiss noticed Katie trying hard to hold back a smile.

"Does he think we are who we are just for his entertainment? Fuck that! Yeah, I _am_ a dyke. I'm a girl lovin', big ol' butch dyke. I totally dig girls; I always have and always will. All I think about all day is going down on my sweetie, tasting her cream on my tongue, feeling her squirm under me as she comes. I live it; I love it; I am it; all of it. You don't got the cred to walk in my world, so put down my Tonka toys and get the fuck outta my sandbox, bitch."

The girl just turned and walked away. Odalis leaned back, her elbows on the bar, looking off to her right apparently totally uninterested.

"A little bit of gratuitous tongue there, sweetie," Prentiss told the woman next to her.

"A little bit of gratuitous ass-grab there, chica," Odalis responded glancing at Prentiss before looking away again.

Katie was grinning with complete abandon when she said: "You have been a very bad – bad, bad, Odalis."

Odalis just shrugged.

Prentiss hooted with laughter, pulling the younger woman into a firm embrace and reaching out to include Katie. As she let herself laugh, she felt as if she was finally unwinding, finally coming back together.

**A few minutes later in the parking lot**

Katie was still laughing as they approached the red Mini Cooper. "Come meet my daughter," she said as Prentiss noticed the little convertible was occupied. A girl of about nine or ten with Katie's straight blond hair sat in the driver's seat grooving to Miley Cyrus playing on the car stereo. When Miley sang: "_Put your hands up – they're playing my song…_" she raised her arms above her head and waved to the beat of the music.

A guy of about twenty, his hair remarkably like Adam Lambert's, sat beside her on the passenger side. He looked up from his iPhone to give the girl an indulgent look.

When the girl spotted Odalis she turned the music down. "Hola, Odalis. I told you we'd be good." Her eyes then found Katie and Prentiss. "Hi, mom! I really liked the movie. Thanks for letting Jeff take me."

"You've only seen it like ten times," the boy said in an aggrieved tone as he got out of the car.

"Yes, but…"

Katie interrupted before her daughter could continue, "Chris, I'd like you to meet my friend Emily." Katie leaned against the side of the car with Prentiss beside her.

"Hola, Emily. ¿Cómo estás? Estoy aprendiendo a hablar español. Does Odalis let you drive?"

"Estoy muy bien, gracias." Prentiss replied then added, "only when I ask her nicely." She smiled at the girl noticing she had Katie's beautiful blue eyes. _Henry would just fall in love with her_, she found herself thinking.

"Do you have kids?" Katie asked reaching down to brush her hand over her daughter's hair. The way she asked it made Prentiss think she didn't really expect the answer to be anything but 'no'.

"Jennifer has a little boy," she replied.

"Lucky, aren't we?" Katie looked from her daughter to Prentiss with genuine warmth. Prentiss started to reply but was cut off by an excited Chris.

"Oh, look mom," she pointed to the street where a Brinks armoured car was turning into the parking lot. "I wonder if it's that pretty girl you have the hots for?"

Katie looked at her daughter scandalized for just the barest second before her eyes followed the Brinks truck as it stopped in front of the convenience store just across from the bar. The truck idled for a moment before the side door opened and a young woman in uniform hopped out. She surveyed the area with a critical eye her hand on her sidearm. After a moment, a man joined her carrying a bag over his shoulder and they went together into the convenience store and up to the small ATM.

"Oh, my god," Katie said in an undertone. "I so want to ask her out. I see her at the bank across from the salon all the time and I smile at her and she smiles back and I'm sure she's family but…" Kate trailed off clearly frustrated.

"Ask her, mom!" Chris said as if it was that simple.

"I can't, hon," Katie sighed. "She'll shoot me if I get too close. She guarding the money you know."

Prentiss was watching the two Brinks crew through the window of the store. The guy was kneeling in front of the cash machine, its vault door open, and the woman was looking out into the parking lot…

"She's looking right at you mom!" Chris bounced in the car seat.

Katie just sighed.

After a few minutes they closed the ATM and started back toward the idling truck. Before they could reach their vehicle, a police car pulled into a space close by. A female police officer got out of the squad car and the two women in uniform waved to each other.

"God," Katie said, her voice pitched so only Prentiss could hear. "Two girls with guns in Kevlar…" she left the thought unfinished her eyes not straying from the two women. The Brinks girl had escorted her partner back to the armoured car before joining the cop on the sidewalk. They were chatting, the Brinks girl smiling self consciously as she shot glances at Katie.

"Katie!" Prentiss caught the other woman's arm. "Here's your chance. Quick, do you have a card or something with your phone number?"

Katie rummaged in her purse coming up with a small card from her salon. As Prentiss pulled her ID folder from her back pocket, Katie scribbled a number on the back of the card.

Walking rapidly, but not in a threatening way, Prentiss approached the two women. When she was close enough, she held up her ID.

"FBI?" the female cop, a young black woman with blonde corn rows and a butch attitude, said looking Prentiss up and down.

"I'm on vacation," Prentiss stopped several feet away. "I'm not armed."

The Brinks girl was watching her skeptically her dark brown eyes cautious. Instantly Prentiss could see why Katie was so interested. She was incredibly good looking. Her slim build was set off by the dark blue cargo pants that fit her just closely enough to show her muscular legs. It was impossible to see much with the Kevlar vest she wore, but it was fitted just above her trim waist in a way that screamed sexy to any girl who might be looking. She had dark hair tied in a short pony tail and a smooth olive face leading Prentiss to think she was South Asian or more likely Thai.

Prentiss extended the card to the girl and stepped back.

"She wants to do more than your hair."

**Later **

It was very late as Prentiss and Odalis sat in the sand in front of the beach house. They had not talked for a long time; each was silent, lost in her own thoughts. Prentiss was thinking about how the woman who survived, Guerin, would always be between Odalis and Claire, the woman who had died. Claire had been the one driving force in Odalis' life and Guerin would always be there as a reminder of what she couldn't have.

"You don't like Guerin very much, do you?" Prentiss broke the silence.

"It's complicated," Odalis said slowly. "I owe her a lot and she knows it. Sometimes she uses it against me."

"Why don't you get away from her?" Prentiss was concerned at the resignation in the other woman's voice.

Odalis ran her hands up and down her bare shins, pulled her knees even closer to her chin. "I can't," she finally replied. "I'm stuck with her."

_Guerin is the dark star we all orbit around_, Prentiss recalled Mani Grayson saying. It seemed like ages ago.

"She gave me my new Canadian identity; paid for me to go to school; has me take care of this place for her."

Prentiss thought she knew where this was going as the younger woman looked at her pained and resigned. "And what is the price you pay for that?"

Odalis didn't answer right away. As Prentiss watched, she bit her lip and dug her finger nails into her thigh. Whatever it was it was clearly painful. A long moment passed before Odalis finally answered.

"All she wants is that I'm there for her whenever she wants me," Odalis met her eye for only a moment before looking away and Prentiss was sure she saw something in her eyes that was all too familiar: shame.

"Every time she touches me all I can think about it is Claire and she knows it; feels it, wants it like that, the bitch!" Odalis grabbed a handful of sand and tossed it toward the water. The fine, white sand flew like so much fairy dust sparking in the moonlight.

After another long break, Odalis spoke again. "Be careful of her, Emily. She's dangerous in so many ways and capable of almost anything."


	11. Into the Dark

**At the End of the Night**

**Part 3: All Down**

**Chapter 11: Into the Dark**

"_I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us…" The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring, Chapter 2: The Shadow of the Past _

… _**and so it begins **_

**Wednesday, 10:10 Eastern Standard Time, The BAU Quantico, Virginia**

"Hey girl," Agent Morgan shut the door behind him as he entered Garcia's dim lit work area. "You're not still working on that database thing are you? You've been here since what? Six AM?"

"Five AM," Garcia corrected automatically.

Morgan stood directly behind the tech analyst and began massaging her shoulders. "They aren't done yet?"

Garcia gave a sigh of pleasure at what his hands were doing to her before answering. "It's the DB2 version of '_Hotel California'_. You can logoff any time you want, but you can never leave."

Morgan laughed. "I'm not really sure what that means just that it was damn funny, hot stuff."

Garcia preened slightly at that. On her desk next to her main keyboard one of her two phones was on speaker with the mute button pushed. Many different voices were discussing a technical issue in serious tones.

"They are talking about falling back the change," Garcia said is if that explained everything. "The re-org and upgrade are not going well."

"You should step in and fix it all for them," Morgan took a seat next to her.

"Ha," Garcia laughed. "I'm more of an Oracle girl."

"Now don't be goin' all Matrix on me, Neo," Morgan laughed with her.

Garcia smiled with her usual flirty look at her friend. "Thanks for the stress relief," she paused as if thinking of something, and a sly look came into her eyes. "Want to have some fun?"

"With you: always."

Garcia pulled her other phone closer and opened the line. She speed dialed Kevin Lynch's number and winked at Morgan when Kevin picked up. With the phone on speaker, Morgan could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Hey, Garcia. How's it going with you? Bitch of a change, isn't it."

"It sure is. Listen, I wanted to ask you…" as she talked she began hitting the mute button in quick jabs. Morgan looked at her perplexed.

When Garcia finished talking, there was silence on the line. Morgan was beginning to think Garcia had somehow disconnected the line when Kevin replied.

"I think there's something wrong with the line. You're breaking up on me."

"Really? I don't hear anything. You're coming through just fine." Garcia continued to hit mute as she looked sideways at Morgan.

"Bad, bad girl," Morgan said in a soft voice.

"There must be something wrong with my phone," Kevin was saying. "I bet the cord is wonky again. Let me put you on speaker while I get under the desk and check that outlet again."

"OK, let me know if you fix it," Garcia continued the torture with the mute button. "He falls for this every time," Garcia said to Morgan as there was a loud thump from the phone.

"Damn, my head," Kevin exclaimed. There was squeak and a rustle as he got out from under his desk and back into his chair. "How's that? Is it better?"

"Seems to be," Garcia replied without touching the mute. "You really should have someone come look at that. If it's not the jack, it could be the twisted pair."

Kevin seemed to sigh. On the other phone several voices seemed to be trying to talk over each other. "Gotta go; things are heating up on the bridge call."

Garcia disconnected the line and grinned at Morgan.

"The words 'evil' and 'genius' are popping into my mind right now," Morgan told her smiling back.

Garcia just laughed. A tone from her desktop announced an incoming email. She opened the window and frowned at the message. "Oh, dear. SWIFT is on a single point of failure. What is happening out there?"

Turning to another keyboard, she brought up CNN on one of her bigger screens. "I have a friend in the international banking field. He's been sending me emails all morning about the problems in Europe with the international wire transfer systems and problems with SWIFT, the interbank financial messaging service."

Morgan just shook his head. He was looking at CNN while Garcia typed an email reply, watching the words scrolling across the bottom of the screen. "Does this have something to do with the problems in Canada?" He asked as the words "cascading failures" and "all major Canadian banks" scrolled by. "It must be wicked bad in Canada if it's on CNN."

"Oh, yeah," Garcia replied as she clicked 'send' on her email application. "My contact is telling me they are nearly all down up there and now there's some issues with Bank of America."

Shit," Morgan sat back. "It's bad enough the entire Federal Government was shut down by snow for the last couple days, now this." Looking back at the news channel he watched the scrolling information without really absorbing it.

…markets in London and Frankfurt have been closed early due to communications instability and an escalating fear of financial technical issues... 911 issues continue in several major US cities including Dallas, Tucson, LA and Detroit..Cell phone and Internet service in Japan has…

"Those last couple days off were nice. Even Hotch wasn't here on Monday. So I hear."

"Who's in today?" Garcia asked turning from her monitor. "I heard Rossi is hanging out at home working on a book. So far I've seen Reid and JJ," when she said her blonde friend's name her expression darkened.

Morgan picked up on it right away. "Garcia, what's wrong with JJ? She barely said 'hi' to me this morning. And where the hell is Prentiss?"

Garcia sighed heavily looking away.

Morgan seemed to put it all together. "Those two? Damn! How long have they…" he trailed off as the answer to his own question occurred to him. "Since Prentiss came out to us last November?"

"About that time. I'm surprised she's here," Garcia paused, seemed to consider something. "It might not hurt if you talked to her; gave her some support. I know she needs it."

Morgan patted Garcia's shoulder and left to find JJ.

She was in the bullpen staring at one of the big screen TVs. On Fox News the commentators were throwing around phrases like "terrorist plot" and "lack of security". Morgan stood next to JJ and watched for a moment with her. "Funny," he started aiming for a light tone, "I never took you for a Fox News watching, Glen Beck ranting, right leaning kinda girl."

JJ looked at him managing a slight smile. She switched the TV to MSNBC. "Better?"

"Are you alright?" he asked still trying to keep his tone light.

For a long time JJ didn't react. "I don't know where Emily is," she finally said. "She's just gone. She won't answer her phone and I've been back to her place. The super let me in. It's like she just disappeared. Her car is gone." She paused and Morgan waited her out. "She told me she needed space, time. I just don't understand why she won't talk to me."

Morgan did not question the fact his friend was confiding in him about her relationship with another woman and a co-worker at that; he just accepted that his friend was in pain.

"JJ, she will talk to you," he caught and held her gaze. "Emily's just not the kinda girl who likes for others to see her weak."

"Even me?"

Morgan shook his head, huffed out a breath. "She probably needs time to sort it out inside herself first," he told the blonde woman beside him putting a comforting arm over her shoulders. "She will come back to you. I know she will."

**12:46 EST**

JJ stared at her cell phone's display. As she watched the screen flashed "no service" for a second or two before returning to normal. She wanted badly to throw it across the room. Not just for the intermittent service issues that had been going on all morning, more for the lack of any kind of contact from Emily.

Putting the phone aside she moved a stack of folders a few inches on her desk and pulled one out at random. When her eyes went once again to her phone she noticed Reid walking down the corridor and called to him through her open door.

When Reid was standing in front of her desk looking his usual slightly disheveled, slightly mad genius self, she faltered.

"What's up JJ? We're not going anywhere are we? Everything's so messed up with all the snow putting the government on an unintended vacation. I heard all the local offices are handling any cases that…"

She knew he was babbling, knew it was probably because of her nervousness. "Reid, do you know how to contact that woman," she said straight out.

Reid blinked, looked at her with an odd expression. She was eternally happy when he did not ask what woman just said "Guerin," as a sort of statement not question.

He didn't say anything else, just reached for the pad on her desk and wrote down an email address. Having been in possession of Guerin's card he knew the phone number and email as if it was a stored photo file in his head.

As he turned to leave, JJ's voice stopped him. "What did she do to you, Spence?"

He turned slowly tilting his head slightly to regard her. Taking a long breathe, he sat in a chair in front of JJ's desk. "It wasn't so much that she did something to me," he started slowly. "It was more like she increased something I already had – as weird as that seems."

"It's a bit weird, yeah, Reid," JJ replied honestly. "Though I've always believed there are people in this world that can see and feel things others can't"

He gave her an appreciative look his mouth turning down in that odd way of his. "I believed that too even before that day – that day in the rain."

JJ could see the memory was still fresh and that it caused him some conflicting emotions. "What was it like? How did she…"

Reid looked away his face colouring slightly with embarrassment. JJ began to get a bad feeling about Emily and where she might have gone. "Reid, answer me honestly," JJ tried to keep her voice steady. "Do you think Emily would have gone to her, to talk to her or whatever?"

"She may have," Reid swallowed hard. "Emily is very troubled and I think she and Guerin share something that Emily finds hard to accept."

The first thing JJ already knew. The second confused her but the more she thought about it the more it seemed to explain the conflict and confusion she had seen in Emily.

"JJ, listen," Reid tried for a consoling tone. "I know that Emily's not the type to really let all her feelings out; especially not the ones that trouble her. I think meeting Guerin made her feel very," his face pinched as he tried to find the word eventually coming up with, "exposed."

"And she didn't like it, I know. I've experienced that first hand." JJ looked away, nibbled a knuckle.

Reid was watching her concerned when she looked at him again. "She needs to work out some things by herself, I think. I'm sure she will talk to you when she's ready."

JJ shook her head. It wasn't the first time she had heard that combination of words.

**13:13 EST **

JJ's BlackBerry beeped announcing an incoming email.

_She's not here but I know where she is. Do you want to talk about it? GG_

JJ thought for a long moment before keying a reply.

**13:25 EST Near Bonita Beach, Florida**

Prentiss finally made it downstairs attracted by the smell of fresh coffee. She dropped a tote bag beside the kitchen counter and poured herself a large mug. Odalis had yet to react to her presence she seemed so absorbed in the TV.

Taking her coffee with her, Prentiss joined the other woman on the couch. She noticed right away Odalis was tense. "My debit and credit cards are now just so much useless plastic," the younger woman gestured to her wallet on the coffee table.

On the TV the CBC Newsworld anchor was talking, the words "Banking Computer Failure" in bold letters across the lower part of the screen. Odalis turned up the volume.

…as of 1 this afternoon all major markets in North America have ceased trading operations. Overseas sources are reporting the interbank networks for worldwide wire transfers have collapsed. In the US, major Financial Institutions including Wells Fargo, Bank of America and Chase Manhattan are reporting sporadic network outages as are credit providers Visa, MasterCard and Amex. We are continuing to stay on top of this major developing story and will…

Odalis flipped the channel to BBC World News the anchorwoman picking up in mid sentence.

…traffic may be stopped as early as 17:00 hours London time. Authorities are concerned the computer failures affecting the major airlines and rail service in France will affect service to both the Chunnel and Heathrow…

"What's going on?" Prentiss asked as again Odalis switched stations this time to MSNBC.

…telecommunications giant AT&T is now reporting they are experiencing core infrastructure failures at several major switching facilities in the northeast causing intermittent outages to telephone, cell service and Internet service. Pacific Bell is also reporting similar problems in the western states. Sources within the telecom industry have also provided inside information – and this is unverified – that several of the major undersea fiber optic cable lines have failed due to unspecified hardware problems. The same sources have also informed us that, possibly due to the same unspecified computer issues, major telecommunications satellites are also experiencing what the industry describes as 'degraded service'…

Prentiss went into the kitchen and began looking for her cell phone. When she found it tucked away in the same drawer as her Glock, she powered it on waiting impatiently as it looked for service. Walking back to the living area she frowned at the phone. "When I finally want to talk to someone, it's not working."

"Use mine," Odalis pulled a Samsung smartphone out of a pocket and flipped it to Prentiss.

**14:23 EST Northbound I95 South of Washington DC**

JJ was stuck in slow moving traffic not far from the exit she needed to take to get to Guerin's gated community. When the truck in front of her came to a full stop, she pulled her BlackBerry from her pocket and thumbed the trackball. When the display lit, it told her she had missed two calls though she had not heard the thing ring. As she watched, "entering service area" displayed on the screen. Quickly she clicked on BlackBerry messenger icon and scrolled through her contacts until she got to Emily.

A horn blared behind her and she dropped the phone. When she was able to retrieve it, the display once again read "no service". Frustrated she shoved it back in her pocket.

**14:45 EST Near Bonita Beach Florida**

"Are you going?" Odalis looked up at Prentiss standing beside the couch her arms crossed tensely over her chest. Prentiss looked at the Samsung she held in one hand then tossed it back to Odalis. She had managed to make two calls to JJ's cell – neither answered - before the thing lost connection.

"I don't know. Driving might not be so safe right now," she said looking at her BlackBerry. It was still not connecting to the network though once she had thought she saw it come close. "People will be over-reacting thinking the world has come to an end."

On the TV's scrolling ticker was an unending crawl of bad news.

…major airlines in North America report system wide failures… The FAA and the Canadian authorities have announced a full shut down of air traffic over the entire continent…

**15:01 EST Guerin's House outside Washington**

JJ pulled her car into the circle in front of the big house. It was a reasonably attractive house on a large, treed lot. A high stone wall surrounded the property as far as she could see and the security gate at the end of the drive made it clear the owner of the place expected privacy.

It _was_ kind of creepy she thought, just like Emily had mentioned. Two other cars were parked near the front door; one a stylish BMW, the other a Lexus 450h SUV. As she walked toward the front door she checked her phone again. There was still no service. The two calls she had missed were both from the 239 area code. She blinked at that wondering where 239 was.

The distinguished looking psychologist who had been with Guerin and the bitchy DHS agent Tergensen that day at the BAU met her at the door.

"Micheline Robichaud."

"Jennifer Jareau."

They shook hands and JJ followed the other woman into the large, open great room. There was loud music coming from somewhere else in the house sounding as if a rock band was practicing at full volume. Robichaud rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly, "Follow the music." She pointed to a doorway to the left.

JJ followed a long dark corridor and came out in a large sunny room. There were musical instruments everywhere along with racks of electronics and large arrays of speakers. Guerin sat behind a drum set pounding out the beat to the track that was playing. At least JJ assumed it was a prerecorded track as no other musicians were evident.

Sweat had caused Guerin's short blonde hair to stick out in numerous spikes around her head and sweat was beaded along her forehead. She was wearing a tank top and shorts with Converse sneakers on her feet. On her left elbow was a blood spotted bandage. She only nodded slightly at JJ as she continued drumming.

When the track ended, she rolled her shoulders and looked at the bandage on her arm with annoyance. Giving the snare a last roll and the splash cymbal a last whack that echoed around the room like so much lightening, she stood and looked at JJ.

"She's at my place in Florida," Guerin wiped her face with a towel and took a long drink from a bottle of Gatorade. At JJ's undisguised glare of displeasure she added, "Don't worry, I'm not there."

JJ watched as Guerin went to the electronics rack and began powering off the equipment. Once that was done, she led JJ from the music room, down the long corridor and out into the great room. Passing the bar she looked a question at JJ who shook her head in answer.

They settled on the big leather couch with the space of one large cushion between them. "What's going on between you and Emily?" JJ snapped off the question wasting no time.

Guerin actually laughed passing the towel over her face again and looking away. She wasn't an unattractive girl, JJ thought. Her arm over the back of the sofa was strongly muscled through the bicep and shoulder, the slight line of a vein visible. She either worked out a lot doing strength training or was one of those rare females able to build muscle naturally. Her face was round and expressive in that same gender ambiguous sort of way as her body. The only thing for JJ was her eyes. They were dark green and sharp with hidden potential. Her look made JJ uncomfortable.

"Your girl has a lot going on," Guerin stated. When it was clear JJ was not impressed with this answer she continued. "She has some things she needs to work out before she can accept having you close."

"God!" JJ let out a breath, frustration getting the best of her. "How many people are going to tell me that? I know, alright."

Guerin smiled again then sighed. "I am attracted to her, you are right about that. What red blooded girl wouldn't be? She's a helluva woman," she sighed again and looked away as if considering what to say. "She's got a lot of things going on right now. She's confused about how she feels about you – doesn't know how to handle it."

Once again Guerin looked away as she thought about what to say. When she looked back JJ noticed her eyes were softer, more honest. "I know it's not my place to tell you this, but I know you are hurt and confused. I can feel that." She paused then leaned forward looking directly at JJ. "She loves you, she really does. She just needs to accept it and let it out. She…"

Guerin broke off her head swiveling to look over the back of the sofa. Robichaud was approaching them her stride forceful. Guerin was on her feet before Robichaud got to them.

"What's happened?"

"The president has been shot," Robichaud's European French accent made the statement even more sharp and clipped.

"Jesus fuck," Guerin started around the couch to follow Robichaud. "C'mon," she said to JJ who followed the two women across the room toward the front entrance. A door was open in the wall next to the spiral stairs or, rather a section of the wall was open, since the door would not have been noticeable when closed so well did it blend with the wall.

They went down a flight of stairs into a large dark room. JJ's first impression was of a teenager's basement rec room combined with a bedroom. Part of the room was a living area with a small kitchen area on the far side and a disheveled bed on the other. There were pieces of clothing on the couch that faced a large flat screen TV and through the open door to the bathroom JJ could see towels discarded on the floor. In front of the TV were several pieces of gaming equipment.

When she looked to the other end of the room, JJ caught her breathe her first thought being _Garcia would be so jealous_. The other end of the room was like a control room with large screens over smaller monitors almost too many to count. A console fronted the multiple screens with keyboards and other banks of controls. To JJ it looked like enough electronics to maintain a small nuclear power plant.

Two women sat at the console. Tergensen and a woman JJ had never seen before. She could tell the other woman was tall by the way she sat so much higher in her chair than Tergensen. She had solid black hair loose on her shoulders that shone slightly in the dim light as if still wet. The towel over the back of her chair confirmed this suspicion.

"Have we been paged yet?" Guerin strode to the back of Tergensen's chair pulling her smartphone and pager from her pocket. She looked at both devices for a second then tossed them on the console in annoyance.

"What the fuck can we do?" Tergensen finally said. The red haired woman was looking up at one of the larger screens. It was on CNN. With a remote, Tergensen increased the volume and the words of the reporter standing on the street with the White House in the background became audible.

"…as he was returning to the White House. We do not, at this time, have any reports on his condition though we believe he has been taken to Bethesda Naval hospital by helicopter. We…"

She broke off as a police car with lights flashing and sirens blaring flew by on the extreme right of the frame. Holding a hand to her ear, the reporter seemed to mouth the word '_what_' as the picture cut back to the CNN studio.

The two anchors were glancing at each other and off camera in confusion. Regaining his composure the male anchor took a deep breath and found his voice. "We have just received a report there has been a car bomb explosion…" his voice faltered for just a beat before he continued, "…near the Delaware residence of the Vice President. Unconfirmed reports say the Vice President and his wife were returning home from Washington via motorcade…"

JJ gasped as her heart started to literally jump in her chest. Her hand flew to her face and she stared at the screen in disbelief. In an almost robotic fashion she pulled her cell phone from her pocket as her mind went to her son and then to Emily. There was still no service.

"What is happening?" Tergensen's voice was a high whine.

"Do we have a land line?" Guerin looked first to Tergensen then to the dark haired woman who shook her head.

"Comms are failing," the tall woman said her voice surprising high and feminine. "We are losing everything. AT&T, Verizon and Pacific Bell are all hard down."

She had an odd accent almost Spanish but not quite. As if to make the point, one of the bigger screens suddenly went blank, the news channel it had previously displayed replaced with 'no signal'.

JJ felt Robichaud move closer, her presence a warm comfort. When they exchanged glances JJ could see the other woman was deeply worried. "I cannot get through to my daughter in Holland," Robichaud sighed looking at the phone in her hand. "In times like these you just need to speak to the ones you love. Tell them how you feel."

JJ brushed her arm, patted her hand sympathetically. "I know," she commiserated. "I wish I could talk to my son right now," she paused, added, "and Emily."

**15:35 EST The BAU Quantico, Virginia**

Morgan stood tensely behind Garcia, Reid beside him. "Where's Hotch?"

"He's at home," Garcia responded. "I got an email from him this morning. "And Rossi is too, I mean, he's at his house, Rossi's at Rossi's house." She stopped talking knowing her nervousness was beginning to show through.

"What about JJ and Emily?"

There was a pause until Reid answered. "JJ doesn't know where Emily is. She went to Guerin's hoping Guerin could tell her."

"Christ," Morgan swore. "How's the phones, Garcia? Can we get an outside line?"

"Almost all land lines into this building are down and what we have is spotty. We still have Internet, for some reason, though God knows how long that will stay up. How's your cell? Mine's been in and out of service since this morning. We're all on the same carrier aren't we?"

Morgan looked at his phone and shook his head.

"They're mobilizing the National Guard," Reid said looking at the screen showing MSNBC. "They're shutting down Washington," his voice was dispassionate as if he were just reading the details of a case file. "No one will be going anywhere now."

**15:39 EST Guerin's House outside Washington**

"When did you last hear from Mani?" Guerin looked at Tergensen.

"I dunno exactly. She should be almost here. She left the hospital a while ago."

…all aircraft are being diverted to the nearest airport. We are now hearing that computer systems supporting air traffic control across the continent are experiencing sporadic failures. The FAA reports all airports in the United States have been ordered to close and all flights have now been cancelled. A telecommunications source has told us all the major overseas cable links are down between North America and Europe and the Far East. Satellite service is now severely degraded …

"Guerin, what's happening?" Tergensen looked over her shoulder.

Guerin never got a chance to answer. Taking a step back her face went suddenly pale. Tergensen gasped as her head seemed to spin and a feeling of absolute terror washed over her. Pushing herself to her feet, he legs like rubber, she was just able to catch Guerin as, eyes rolling back in her head, the woman she had such an intense relationship with, collapsed backward.

JJ felt Robichaud stagger beside her. She put her arms around the psychologist and eased her to the floor feeling the other woman's body go limp. Beside her Tergensen was bent over Guerin who was now flat on her back. JJ felt a buzzing in her head as if she was inside a bee hive. She did not have time to dwell on it as Tergensen looked up her eyes wide in shock.

"Mich! No, no, Mich! DON'T LET HER GO! MICH, PLEASE, YOU CAN'T LET HER GO!"

JJ felt the woman in her arms twitch. Her eyes stirred behind her closed lids and her mouth moved. "Non, Guerin," she seemed to say before going totally still.

"Mich, no, no! Oh, God! Mani, where are you? Carmo?" she looked from the psychologist to the tall dark woman who had risen from her seat and was staring down at Guerin her eyes impossibly big and dark. "Help me, Carmo, please!" Tergensen pleaded. The tall woman knelt next to Guerin and took the unconscious woman in her arms. An odd crooning sound came from her as she rocked Guerin holding her tightly.

There was a crash from the floor above and Tergensen leapt to her feet. "Mani!" she yelled racing to the stairs. In the foyer upstairs Tergensen found Grayson on the floor next to a toppled table, the vase it had once held in shattered pieces on the floor all around her.

"Devin, my God! What just happened? I felt Guerin…" Tergensen was pulling her to her feet; almost dragging her to the stairs to the basement. "I can't feel Guerin…" Tergensen was half dragging her down the stairs. "And Mich…"

Grayson pulled herself away from Tergensen when they reached the bottom, her eyes finding Robichaud. "Oh, God, Mich!" She knelt beside her long time friend and the blonde woman holding her.

"She has a pulse," JJ said. Reaching to a discarded sweatshirt she balled it up and put it gently under Robichaud's head, "and she's breathing."

Grayson looked from Robichaud to Guerin then to Tergensen. When she spoke her voice was sharp with authority. "Devin! What just happened?"

"I don't know Mani. I felt something awful and Guerin just went, then Mich…" Tergensen stopped her eyes wide with fear.

"I know that but something happened to cause it."

"I don't know! I don't know!" Tergensen whined. "I felt her go and then Mich…" she paused a hand on her cheek. "Mich tried to hold her! She couldn't hold her!"

Feeling lost JJ watched the exchange between the two as the woman she had never met before, the woman Tergensen was calling 'Mani', checked Robichaud's pulse and put an ear to her chest to listen to her breathing. Giving JJ a look, Grayson went to Guerin. JJ looked down at the woman below her with a face so pale and still and thought how only minutes before Robichaud had been talking about her daughter. Thinking of Henry, JJ grabbed her phone from her pocket and watched as the display went from her normal background to "looking for service".

"Dammit."

"Tergensen, find out what happened," Grayson waved a distracted hand at the console and all the monitors. "Carmo, help her."

Slowly Carmo laid Guerin down and with obvious reluctance joined Tergensen. Her ear still pressed to Guerin's chest, Grayson looked at JJ. "Can you do something for me?" When JJ nodded she continued. "Upstairs and down the hall past the bar there's an office. Mich's laptop should be there, it's a big HP. Bring that and anything that looks like a medical bag."

JJ stood, looked at the other woman. "Jennifer Jareau," she introduced herself. "Everyone calls me JJ."

Grayson smiled, instantly liking the younger woman and her friendly demeanor despite the chaos all around. "Manuela Grayson," she responded. "Everyone calls me Mani."

JJ gave a quick nod and headed for the stairs. She found the office easily. On the couch inside, was a laptop bag. She peeked inside and noted the HP logo. Swinging the strap over her shoulder she looked around for a medical bag spotting one to the right of the big desk. When she straightened with the bag in her hand her eyes fell on a picture on the wall. The photo was of Guerin and Claire, so young and so totally in love.

JJ felt a stab of pain go through her heart and instantly she thought of Emily.

Emily, her breath ragged, heart pounding in time to her own as she pressed her body over her pulled down for a kiss by JJ's hands tangled in her hair.

_God, Emily! Come back to me, please!_

Turning to the door she stopped in her tracks her path blocked by a Siamese cat. The cat regarded her for a long moment its blue eyes steady and soulful. Then, with a twitch of its ears, it turned and preceded JJ back through the house and down the stairs to the basement room.

JJ put the two bags next to Grayson, watched as the cat approached Guerin and settled next to her shoulder. Grayson began pulling wires out of the laptop bag all the while engaged in a running dialog with Tergensen.

"Well, something just happened, Devin. Something bad. You need to find out."

"I'm trying. There's nothing on the news," Tergensen was scrolling through TV channels many of them coming up blank with only 'no signal' displayed, or just nothing but grey fuzz.

Looking at all the monitors JJ thought of Garcia and how she was always able to find out whatever information the team needed. "Garcia might be able to help," she found herself saying before she even consciously decided she would. "Garcia's my colleague, my tech analyst at the BAU."

"IP?" the tall woman said. "MAC address would work too."

"IP? I don't know," JJ just shook her head.

"Carmo," Tergensen began seizing on this as a plan of action. "Federal Bureau of Investigation, Quantico, The National Academy, Behavourial Analysis Unit, user Garcia."

Carmo was typing rapidly her fingers literally a blur.

"Request sent."

**15:56 EST The BAU Quantico, Virginia**

Reid had been sitting in a chair for the last 15 minutes alternating between hanging his head between his knees and sitting up gazing around distractedly. Holding a tissue under his nose he looked at Morgan. "I'm ok now I'm not so nauseous."

"Your nose is still bleeding, dude." Morgan said concerned.

Garcia had been looking over her shoulder at her friends. When she looked back at her PC there was a dialog box centered on the screen. Curious, she looked closer.

"Guys," Garcia said surprised. She clicked on the 'accept' button on the Net Meeting request without hesitation. "It's JJ."

"What?" Morgan was instantly behind her. Reid approached more slowly.

Noticing it was a video link and not someone's desktop, Garcia transferred the link to one of her bigger monitors, one with an attached webcam.

"JJ? Is that you?" Morgan leaned close to the screen. All he could see was the partial face of a dark haired woman. After a second, JJ's face came into the frame.

"Morgan, Garcia," JJ said relief evident in her face. "Something just happened. Do you know what it was?"

"It was…" Reid said from behind Morgan looking down at JJ on the monitor. When he couldn't finish his first thought he switched to another. "Is Guerin alright? I felt something…" again he trailed off.

On the screen JJ looked back over her shoulder. Grayson was powering on the laptop oblivious to anything else. "No, well, I don't really know, Reid. She just collapsed. So did Doctor Robichaud. They are both alive but unconscious."

Garcia was looking at Reid her eyes wide. "So did he, JJ. Just went _boom_, right down."

"I'm OK now," Reid provided moving closer to the screen.

"We need to find out what happened," Tergensen prompted from out of the frame. "Whatever it was…"

"It was catastrophic," Reid finished.

Garcia had been going through all the video feeds she still had available. Each one only showed harried news reporters saying the same list of outages and problems. Finally she found one that seemed to show something different. She brought it up on another screen and sent the link to the computer of the woman who had contacted her.

Carmo opened the link and directed the output to one of the bigger monitors. A nervous reporter was throwing glances back over his shoulder as her spoke rapidly in Spanish. Carmo cocked her head listening.

"Disaster…explosion…Mexico City," she translated.

"Shit," Tergensen was looking at CNN. She grabbed the remote, upped the volume.

The CNN studio was in a sort of only somewhat controlled chaos. The news anchors were conferring with someone standing beside their big desk as if they believed they were not actually live on camera. There was a shout off frame and a man ran up to the desk a paper in his hand. The female anchor looked at it her face changing to a look of disbelief. When someone shouted "we're on!" she grabbed the paper and began reading.

"This report is just in. A bomb of unknown capacity has exploded in Mexico City. There are reports from nearby cities of a large cloud in the sky over Mexico City and ground tremors are being reported in El Paso, Puerto Vallarta and San Diego. We don't know any details at this time, but Mexican authorities are claiming," her voice faltered and she looked directly into the camera, "it may have been a nuclear device."

They were sitting in stunned silence when Reid noticed a message window pop up on the PC he was sitting in front of. "Garcia, there's an MSN Messenger for you."

"What?" Garica could hardly breathe let alone reply.

"It's from someone named "_Lightening Girl_" and it says _'the grid is failing'_ and there's a link."

Garcia was galvanized instantly into action. She leaned over Reid, clicked on the link and transferred the result to a larger monitor. "It's from my old hacker friend who works for an IESO in Canada now," she explained and they all watched as a monitor came alive with a graphic display of North America. Lines snaked all over the map in and out of major cities. Most were green except for an area clustered around Michigan, Ohio and Ontario that was flashing yellow. "Power company," Garcia added realizing Reid and Morgan had not understood. "You are looking at the North American power grid."

"Transfer to me, please," Carmo said and Garcia realized they were still connected. She could see JJ standing back from the camera one knuckle against her teeth as she gazed at her cell phone. As she pasted the link into another window and sent it, her phone rang.

For just a second all three of them stared at it as if it had suddenly come to life and was walking away under its own power. Garcia answered it her eyes going wide. Hurriedly she put it on speaker and upped the volume.

"JJ? Jennifer!" a male voice demanded from the phone.

JJ leaned close to the screen hoping somehow that would help her hear better.

"Dad?"

"JJ, we're fine. Henry's fine. Fox News says there was a nuclear bomb and there might be more. We're going to the basement. I've got my old shotgun and my .45 from the army."

"James!" a female voice admonished from somewhere in the background.

JJ felt her heart beating faster as her throat went dry. "Dad…" was all she could manage to say.

"Say 'bye' to your mom, Henry."

"Bye, mom. Grampy is taking me to the basement. We're going to play."

Biting her lip JJ was barely able to squeak out the words, "Bye, sweetie, I love you. Be a good boy for grampy."

"Take him Donna, I'll be right there," James said sounding somewhat muffled. When he started again his voice was stronger. "JJ, listen to me. If you are going to die, die on your feet! You got that? That's what I always said to myself in Vietnam. I'll die with my boots on!"

"Dad…"

Garcia was looking at Morgan and Reid her mouth a tight line. When she glanced up at the grid display more areas were flashing yellow including New York and Pennsylvania. Both went suddenly red.

"There's an undervoltage in Michigan," Reid was looking at the MSN Messenger window. "And an overvoltage in Ohio. We're losing NY and PA. Their grids are disconnecting."

"I mean it Jennifer. I'm proud of you, you know that don't you?"

"Dad…"

"I'm sorry I never told you that enough," his voice seemed to hitch slightly. "And I'm sorry about your sister…"

"Oh, God, Dad don't…"

"That was all my fault. I love you JJ, we…"

The line went dead.

There was a long pause as no one moved. On the screen JJ had her head down. Morgan wished he could reach out and hug his friend.

"Cascading failures all over," Reid stated his voice surprising level. "St. Louis, Detroit, Houston and Atlanta are separating."

Above them two of the monitors went black. CNN was still up, the anchors looking as harassed as ever. Behind them the lights in the newsroom flickered.

…nationwide instability in the electrical power grid. Generating stations in California, Ohio, and Arizona have gone offline due to automatic protective controls. We are still waiting for an update from the White House… the last we heard the President was still in surgery…

"We're isolating," still reading from the messenger window, Reid spared a glance at Garcia. "James Bay is still online. We're stopping it at the border."

On the power grid display the heavily populated area in Canada from Montreal down through Toronto to Windsor went red for a moment before coming back in a steady yellow.

"Sorry, my friend," Reid read. "It's minus 10 and snowing in Toronto. We had to isolate…"

The messenger window flashed and indicated _Lightening Girl_ was now offline.

"Oh, no, what's happening? This can't be happening!" Suddenly overwhelmed, Garcia put her head down on her keyboard.

"I have the comms infrastructure," Carmo said from the camera link. "Sending…"

Garcia looked up long enough to click on the link and put it on a screen. Most of the graphical map of the United States was blank. The rest was red. The words "degraded service" and "circuit overload" were flashing along the bottom. Scrolling along the very bottom were a repetitious line of 'satellite down, satellite down, fiber link down'.

"This can't be happening…"

The lights flashed and went off. All Garcia's monitors stayed on.

"We're on UPS," Garcia stood looking around as if waiting for a signal. "Wait for it, the diesels will kick in." As if in answer there was a low rumble somewhere deep in the building and the lights came back on. There was a _'bong'_ from the public address system and a male voice began speaking. "Attention, this is building Ops. We are now on diesel generator. Please power down all none essential equipment. Repeat, power down all non critical equipment. Stand by for further announcements."

On the power grid display the entire US northeast was red including Florida.

**16:35 Eastern Standard Time Near Bonita Beach, Florida**

Odalis was still wiping blood from her nose when the power went off. "The generator will start up," she said and below the house they both heard a loud roar then a steadier hum. The TV came back on.

"I have to go," Prentiss turned away began pacing toward the stairs down to the parking pad. She stopped short when she noticed her cell phone actually had a signal. As fast as she could she thumbed a text message, hit send.

"C'mon girl," Odalis was beside her. "You can take the Range Rover. I know you've been in it and I know you've been in the gun room."

Prentiss grabbed her tote bag and followed Odalis down the stairs."Are you coming with me?" They passed through the door on the right and on into the store room. Moving around the room Odalis grabbed several large kit bags and began filing them with stuff.

"What, and hang with Guerin in Washington? I don't think so; it's bad enough I have to put up with her when she's down here."

Prentiss just frowned. Looking around the store room she recalled the day she had stood in this same place and thought to herself that all this would only be necessary if the end of the world arrived the day after tomorrow. That day had now come, it seemed.

She helped Odalis fill the bags with food, water and a few extra clothes. When both bags still did not seem full, Odalis shoved in more water. Going to the door of the gun room, Odalis put her eye to the retinal scanner and the door clicked open. "You want some backup?" she said over her shoulder as she went in the room.

Prentiss followed her in going directly to the Remington 870. She took it down off the pegs and began loading it with shells from the drawer below. Odalis handed her a bag and she put in extra boxes of shells and a bandolier.

"Take whatever you want, girl, don't hold back." Odalis loaded a 9mm Sig Sauer and shoved it in the waist band at the back of her shorts. Once prompted, Prentiss helped herself to the H&K UMP and two more handguns, one a Berretta, the other a Glock 380 in an ankle holster. This she attached to her right ankle with the Velcro straps.

Throwing extra ammo for all the weapons in the bag, she followed Odalis toward the garage.

"What happened to Guerin? I felt something really strange just as you fell," Prentiss said to Odalis' back.

"I'm not sure," Odalis didn't slow down as she grabbed the keys to the big SUV. "It was like she just wasn't there. You felt it cause she's been in your head."

In the garage, Odalis began opening the doors on the Range Rover and stuffing in the bags. "If that was really a nuclear bomb that went off, Guerin could've been, like shocked, when all the people died suddenly. She's a bitch, but she's sensitive like that."

Prentiss stowed the weapons behind and between the seats. Spotting a long black rain coat hanging on a peg, she grabbed it and threw it on the passenger seat.

Odalis was watching her. "Girl, with that shotgun and that coat, you'll be totally accessorized." Her tone then went serious. "This thing is a hybrid, gets great mileage and it's tricked out with a 200 liter tank. Get in and get comfy. I'm gonna throw a couple more gas cans on the roof. They'll be wrapped up in canvas so no one knows right off it's gas. With the power grid down there will be fighting over gas, among other things." She started away, came back. "Also, there's info in the computer and a hard copy binder in the glove box about places all over the country where you can get gas and supplies. It's like a survivalist contact list. Use it when you need to get gas if the power is still down."

As Prentiss settled in the seat and turned the key to bring up the dash controls and all the extra electronics, she heard a couple thumps and a rustle then Odalis was at the side of the garage door touching the control for the door opener. As the big door rolled up, Prentiss started up the Range Rover and drove it through the doors stopping at the gate.

She got out as Odalis caught up to her. "Thanks for everything," she caught the younger woman in a tight embrace. "I mean everything."

"No problemo," Odalis grinned. "Be good and be safe. Say 'Hi' to that girl of yours for me and if we ever meet again, I want it to be you and her and even her kid, alright?"

Prentiss just nodded, she got back in the Range Rover and drove through the gate as Odalis opened it. The last thing she saw in the side mirror was Odalis raising one hand to wave. Turning the corner she headed for the I75 north.

**16:55 EST Guerin's House outside Washington**

JJ stood silently behind Tergensen and Carmo watching as the last of the electrical grid failed. Behind her on the floor, Grayson held the laptop on her knees as she sat monitoring both Guerin and Robichaud. The fawn Siamese cat had tucked itself against Guerin's neck, one paw on the woman's chin.

When the power to the house had failed a generator had kicked it so they still had the computers and the banks of monitors. At least those that had something to display. As she watched, the last of the news channels, CNN, went off the air. She felt almost numb, almost no feelings at all except an intense longing for Emily. She sniffed trying hard not to let her emotions creep in, but a tear still started in her eye. She wiped it hastily away.

**16:58 EST The BAU Quantico, Virginia**

"This isn't happening, this can't happen," Garcia was well beyond upset. "There's too much redundancy. There's no single point of failure for anything. There's backups for the backups."

When the last of the power failed, the monitor that had been showing the North American grid went black. Beside it, several other monitors went one after the other.

"I'm losing the comms link," Carmo said from one of the few screens left.

Garcia jumped forward, pressed her hand to the monitor.

"JJ, it'll be alright. She'll come back, I'm sure."

On the screen JJ put her hand over her friend's. "I know, Pen, I…" the screen went black. Garcia flopped into her chair lowered her head with a sob.

Morgan was behind her, a hand on her shoulder. "It's OK, our family will be OK," he looked at Reid beside him, said in a stronger voice, "We'll be OK."

Just as she was ready to give up, aware that all the technology she had known and relied on was gone, one of the screens came back to life. It began flashing pictures almost too fast to comprehend. "What the…" Morgan said. Garcia was quick, impossibly quick like she always was. She brought up a small application on her PC and, linking the feed to her desktop, hit record.

**17:01 EST Guerin's House outside Washington**

Carmo saw the scrolling text and pictures as well and PVRed it. When the information finally stopped, the screen went blank.

Everything else was gone. It was all down. Carmo sat back seemingly confused. Tergensen just put her head on her arms and sighed.

Turning away, JJ realized she still had her phone in her hand and, unbelievably, the little red light was flashing indicating a message. She went into the menu; quickly found it was a text message.

The BlackBerry slipped from her limp fingers as she finished reading.

_I am coming back to you, Wait for me, I will be there, Emily _

* * *

_A/N: _

_At the End of the Night ends here. This story is now continued – and completed – in a new story titled The Morning After Dark. Look for the link for it on my profile. _

_Special thanks to bdd4evr for so kindly allowing me to use the names she invented for JJ's parents for her story "The Story of Us". They just seem to fit so well I couldn't help but borrow them. And go read her story if you haven't already._

**The playlist (if you were wondering): **Chapter 1_** Damaged**_ by Plumb,Chapter 2_**All My Tears**_ by Emmylou Harris (Plumb does this song but I like Emmylou's version better), Chapter 3 _**Stand in the Rain**_ by Superchick, Chapter 4 _**The Story**_ by Brandi Carlile, Chapter 5 _**My Side of the Story**_ by Hodges, Chapter 6 _**Every Little Thing You Do**_ by Laura Pausini, Chapter 7 _**Where I Stood**_ by Missy Higgins, Chapter 8 _**Que Hiciste**_ by Jennifer Lopez, Chapter 9 _**Numb**_ by Holly McNarland, Chapter 10 _**Breakeven**_ by The Script, Chapter 11 _**Into the Dark**_ by Melissa Etheridge.

_Thanks for reading! And, please, if you liked this story drop me a review. It will only take you a minute and it means so very much to me. Alice ..._


	12. Alternate Version of Chapter 10

**This is not a new chapter! **

_A/N: This is the __**"Director's Cut"**__ of Chapter 10. For clarification: all the memories belong to my OC Odalis. That was one of the reasons the 'cut' of this chapter was never the final, official cut though I personally like it better. Although I doubt anyone will bother, I'll still add: for anyone just reading this story, feel free to comment._

_Alice ….._

**Alternate Version: Chapter 10: Breakeven**

Prentiss found the path down to the dock, walked to the very end and sat, drawing her knees up to her chin.

A few minutes later Odalis sat beside her. She had several small bottles of Corona. Opening two, she passed one to Prentiss took a long pull off the other. "Do you want to go home now? Are you alright?"

"No and no," Prentiss just sipped the beer. "Did you know Cathy was going to try to mess with me?"

Odalis looked as if she were trying to suppress a smile. "I thought she might. I figured with all you got goin' on you wouldn't have a problem."

"You don't like her much?"

"Oui."

Prentiss looked away for a minute, sipped her beer. "What about Katie? She do your hair?"

Odalis looked at her directly and grinned as she got the double meaning. "A few times," she answered. "We're all kinda inbred down here, if you know what I mean."

They were both silent for a time watching as a party boat moved along parallel to the shore its lights bright and a dull beat of music following it.

"Tell me about Claire," Prentiss said surprising them both.

Odalis took a deep breath her head going back as she closed her eyes. For a long time she said nothing. Finally she began her voice low. "Claire used to come to Cuba. I met her for the first time when I was sixteen. I worked at the resort where she liked to stay. This was a couple years before she met Guerin." Odalis had finished the beer and was rolling the empty bottle between her palms. Prentiss waited her out.

"I loved her from the first day I saw her. Do you know what that's like?"

The vision of a beautiful blonde woman walking toward her holding several file folders next to her chest popped unbidden into Prentiss' mind. She felt the whole thing again as if it had just happened only minutes ago. Felt herself look up and get caught in those sweet blue eyes and gentle smile. "Yeah, I do," she managed to say though her throat was suddenly tight.

Odalis was looking at her closely as if she was aware of the other woman's thoughts. After another moment she continued. "We spent time together off the resort. Claire loved Cuba, loved the people. She was always drawing always wanting to go somewhere new, see something new. I would drive her around on my little motorbike." Odalis smiled at the memory.

"Did you tell her how you felt?" Prentiss asked when Odalis seemed to falter.

"Oui," their eyes met for a moment and Prentiss felt the younger woman's pain and longing. "She told me she didn't want me to be her vacation romance; didn't want to use me like that." Odalis looked away then back at Prentiss her eyes full of raw agony. "I didn't care. I wanted her so bad. I would've done anything to be with her.

"Then she met Guerin. I could tell things were different with her that year. Guerin was in Afghanistan and Claire was so worried. She would always talk to me, you know, tell me everything. Good thing her Spanish was so good and I had learned some French and English," Odalis gave a self depreciating laugh. "She didn't want to lose Guerin like that; away at some stupid war." Odalis dropped the empty bottle beside her, picked up a full one.

Prentiss was watching her closely; felt instinctually she knew where this was going. "And then you met Guerin," she prompted.

Odalis turned her gaze full on the woman beside her. "Oui. The next year they came down together. Claire had talked about me, told her about me. Guerin was always so insecure about her relationship with Claire. I think she felt she could never hold her, that Claire would slip away somehow."

Prentiss thought of the painting of Odalis and Guerin; how Guerin was looking back over her shoulder at Odalis behind her the self-doubt so clear when you looked for it.

Odalis took a deep breath began again. "I don't know why; I still don't know why, but Guerin wanted us to be together – all three of us. I think…" the young woman faltered started again more strongly. "I think Claire really cared about me. That she felt something more than just friendship."

"Why would Guerin do that if she was so insecure about Claire?" Prentiss asked surprised at where this story was going.

"You don't know her that well, do you?" Odalis asked looking at Prentiss her eyes dark. "She always lived kind of on the edge. She had a way of messing with people even before…" her voice trailed off. "Besides, they were going to fly back to Canada in a few days."

Prentiss waited as Odalis reached into a pocket pulling out a bottle opener. She uncapped the bottle she had been holding, took a drink. "Guerin was always good at reading people, even before what happened to her. She knew Claire was the one thing we most desired; both of us."

_The memory is fresh, raw and so emotionally charged. I'm nervous, so nervous I think I will stop breathing. Claire is facing me; tall and incredibly gorgeous. I have wanted her for so long it has become like a part of me, the longing. She smiles at me, holds my face between both hands for a moment before running her hands through my hair, down my neck, across my shoulders. Guerin is behind me her hands at my waist her voice and breathe in my ear. I can feel the heat of her body against my back. I know she is older, so much more experienced and it makes me feel so impossibly young. "She's going to kiss you and you won't understand," says the voice in my ear as her hands move over my hips. _

"I was just twenty and it was my first experience with anyone." When Odalis shook her head, Prentiss could tell the memory was wistful not disturbing.

_So slowly Claire comes to me and her beautiful lips brush mine, press harder, pull back. "It's like nothing you have ever had," the voice in my ear says as Claire's mouth covers mine again and I feel her tongue run along the bottom of my upper lip, tease gently just into my mouth. I try to kiss her back but there's no point; she's everything right now. I hear myself moan as a vibration goes through my body. "Her kiss will make you so wet," says the voice and I know, I'm already there._

"That's a lot to drop on someone…" Prentiss began but Odalis interrupted.

"Don't feel sorry for me," the younger woman was adamant. "If, for just once, you get to have the one thing you want more than anything it's always going to be a good thing. If you get to keep it, well…" she trailed off smiling and shaking her head.

_Claire never stops kissing me; her long fingers on my cheek, teasing just under my jaw. Her soft tongue moves around my mouth, over my lips possessing every part of me she can reach. "I know what her kiss can do. How it makes your knees melt," the voice says and I feel Guerin's mouth kiss the back of my neck. Claire pulls away and I whimper at the loss. The voice laughs lightly in my ear at my reaction. Together they unbutton my shirt, slide the sleeves free of my arms. My bra is unhooked, slipped off my shoulders. I am so aroused it surprises me that I can feel afraid caught here between these two women. Again I feel so young. Guerin's hand runs across my bare back her other hand gripping my shoulder. "Ask her to touch you," demands the voice and I do, wanting Claire's hands on me so bad I reply in Spanish then French. "Por favor, touchez-moi,"_

Prentiss looked away thinking about JJ. _I_ _had the one thing I wanted most_, she thought_. God, don't I know that now. Why did I run away?_ She lowered her head to her knees, let out a long breath. _I'm falling to pieces … the best part of me really is her. It's so clear now._

"Girl, you OK?" Odalis touched her shoulder, shook her slightly. "You want to talk about it?"

"No, not just yet," Prentiss looked up slowly. After a moment she turned her eyes to Odalis. "Tell me the rest of the story. How did you get out of Cuba? Was it Guerin?" It was not just a deflection; she really wanted to hear the rest.

Odalis looked out over the water again rolling the half empty bottle in her hands her rings clicking as they contacted the glass. Draining the rest of the beer, she put the bottle down her right hand going to her ruby earring.

_I can hardly breathe let alone talk. Claire moves close and I am pressed between them as she begins to sing softly in my ear her hands low on my waist. The words are in French; sweet, sexy and it does not surprise me when the voice from behind me comes in with a gentle harmony. I know then what they have together and that for just one moment of my life I am a part of it. Then Claire's hand is at my breast the touch so soft I'm not sure at first I feel it. Some part of me does though as I feel my breath catch as my back arches and Claire's amazing hand is directly on me moving all over my small breasts. I gasp, my head dropping back to rest against Guerin's shoulder as my legs begin to give out. I can no longer stand so I am guided to the bed Claire's hands still caressing me: my chest, tender sides and all over my back. Guerin is taking off my pants her hands deliberate and eager, but not rough. When I am fully exposed I am pushed gently back on the bed and I watch as Guerin yanks off her own shirt then goes to Claire and, between kisses, undresses her. She is so beautiful; so comfortable in her own skin, my Claire._

"Claire came back the next year by herself. Guerin was in Afghanistan again. She was distant and tense. I knew anything we had – even the three of us – was gone. I barely talked to her. On her last day she came to me, gave me that painting, and told me she was sorry if she hurt me. Then she kissed me and was gone."

Odalis fought for composure her eyes filling with tears. When she continued, her voice was tight with strain. "I had no way of knowing anything happened. When she didn't come the next February and the one after, I thought she just didn't want to see me anymore." She paused for a long moment taking deep breaths.

"In the fall of 2006, Guerin showed up at my house. I almost didn't recognize her she was so…" Odalis struggled to find the word, settled on, "damaged," before continuing. "She told me Claire had always wanted me to leave Cuba, come to Montreal. It wasn't news to me, Claire had always talked like that I just didn't think she was serious. I would've left at anytime to, if I knew she was waiting for me. I would've swam to Miami if it meant being with her.

"I could tell by the way Guerin was acting and the way she was so horribly scarred that something terrible had happened she just didn't want to tell me. All she would say is that it was a promise she made to Claire. A promise she made to her as she was dying. 'Bring that picture and nothing else' she said to me. 'Meet me in Santiago de Cuba the day after tomorrow there will be a boat just offshore. I'll take you to Montreal and you can train to be a chef, learn English and French like you and Claire always wanted'. She told me she had the power to do that; to give me a new identity."

_When she lies beside me I reach to run my fingers along her arm so smooth and warm. I'm on my side Claire facing me and Guerin behind me just as we had been before. Claire's long leg is draped over both me and Guerin and she's kissing me again in that impossible way she can. "When she touches you, you will understand," the voice says as Claire's soft, strong hand moves over my hip. She moves her leg, pushes her knee between my knees lifting my leg as her hand suddenly finds me. I can't help it as I cry out, my mouth still against hers. I feel her smile as she begins to caress me. "Ma belle fille," she whispers moving her body down until that wonderful mouth is kissing my nipple not my mouth_

"And you believed her? You went?" Prentiss was surprised, amazed almost, that the young Cuban woman had put her trust in someone who was essentially a stranger. A very odd, troubled stranger as well.

"Girl, I'm here aren't I?" she laughed then the strain and sorrow dissipating. "I guess I went for Claire; sometimes I don't really know why I went."

"_You want her so bad," says the voice and Guerin's hand is under my thigh lifting my leg and knee up so Claire can reach her strong fingers inside me. I gasp, pant, feeling the tension building in my entire body as she moves her beautiful fingers slowly, achingly, in and out of me her thumb moving with the same rhythm over my throbbing clit. "When you come for her you will understand," the voice says, but I already have. "Claire," I call her name. "Oh, God, Claire."_

With a grunt she got to her feet reaching a hand down to help Prentiss up. When Odalis gripped her hand and pulled her up, she found herself intimately close to the other woman.

Odalis leaned closer still her hand going to Prentiss' waist then up along her bare ribs.

"Hey, girl," Prentiss pushed her back, a hand on her chest. "What's that all about? I'm not Claire."

Odalis took a step back and bent to pick up the empty bottles. When she straightened, she looked directly at Prentiss her eyes dull with longing. "You're a lot like her."

**Later**

They drove home the moon rising behind them. Prentiss was thankful for the sweatpants and jacket Odalis had told her to bring. Wearing them kept the chill off her bare skin and kept the occasional _snap_ of a bug impact from being too painful.

Her long thighs were around the smaller woman, Odalis' back against her crotch. When her hands got cold she slipped them in the pouch pocket of Odalis' hoodie. The other woman gave a little nod of her head as she looked back for just a second in acknowledgement of the contact.

Back at the beach house, Odalis circled the bike on the parking pad and stopped. Killing the engine she sat astride the bike as Prentiss got off and removed her helmet.

"Do you want to come up for awhile?" Prentiss asked not sure why she said it, just thinking she did not really want to be alone.

Odalis slowly removed her helmet, eyed the woman standing in front of her. "You know I would sleep with you in a second if that's what you want."

"Alright, good thing we are clear on that," Prentiss put a hand on her hip letting a little attitude seep into her posture.

Odalis plunked her helmet on the mirror. "With everything you've got going on," she started slowly, "and as beautiful as you are, why does it surprise you so much when women are attracted to you?"

Prentiss looked away for a minute, thought about the question seriously. "I guess I've never really been the one who was pursued."

"Ah…" Odalis swung her leg over the bike, started towards the door to the stairs. "Girl, yer more butch than I am!"

Upstairs Odalis went to the stereo while Prentiss found the downstairs washroom. When she came out Odalis handed her a small cooler full of ice and bottles of Corona. Prentiss went out onto the deck pulling out two chairs and a small table for the cooler to sit on between them.

The full moon was coming up over the peak of the house casting a long shadow across the deck. As Prentiss sat sipping beer, another shadow blended with the moon's glow and Odalis came out onto the deck moving her body to the music.

With a rhythmic step she danced toward the rail and, back to, moved her hips in a jerky motion to the heavy dance beat of the song. "You go, Shakira!" Prentiss laughed at her watching as Odalis moved with total abandon.

Turning around, Odalis moved across the deck and leaned in to take a bottle of beer from the cooler. As she did she spoke close to Prentiss' ear. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "Are you going to go back to her, Emily?"

Prentiss sat still watching as she worked her opener, flipped the cap into the cooler, all the while moving in perfect rhythm to the music. Taking a long drink she moved behind Prentiss, leaned over the back of her chair. "Guerin thinks you love that girl," she said just behind Prentiss. "You just don't know what to do about it. You think she will not want you when you tell her the truth about everything."

Odalis moved around to the side her voice joining in the chorus of the song for a few moments as she danced. "How hard can it be to love someone, girl?" she asked leaning in close before pulling back."Loving someone is accepting all the good and the bad."

Prentiss held eye contact with the younger woman. "I'm afraid," she said honestly. "I don't want to lose her. When I met Guerin, all I could think about was losing Jennifer because I couldn't protect her; like Guerin couldn't protect Claire."

The hazel eyes hovering close to her face went dark for just a moment then Odalis swiveled away dancing over to the deck rail and drinking from her bottle. Still moving to the music, she circled behind Prentiss again.

"You may never be tested like that. Don't make excuses. How will you ever know if you don't try? We only have so much time. All we can do is make the best of what is given to us."

"How did you get to be so wise?" Prentiss asked surprised at the young woman.

Odalis leaned in close her hands on the armrests of Prentiss' chair. She gave the older woman a quick kiss on her forehead, pulled back and winked. "I'm channeling Gandalf."

Dropping her head back Prentiss laughed. Odalis danced off across the deck.

**Tuesday Morning**

Coming slowly awake, Prentiss stretched and her hand lightly brushed the body next to her. Odalis was on her side facing away, her back smooth and naked. _This is probably the first time I've ever had a woman in my bed I haven't had sex with,_ she thought her eyes following the curve of the younger woman's waist where the sheet dipped then rose again over her surprisingly feminine hip.

Her mind went back to the night before and how they lay there together like two teenagers on a sleepover the moonlight shining in the skylights as they talked.

"_Does your girl like that part of you?" Odalis had asked. "How you can move so easy between butch and femme?"_

_Prentiss had thought of JJ walking into the bar that day in Washington her eyes travelling all over her as she said: "I love it when you butch it up like that."_

"_Yeah, she does. JJ's smart like that; she knows what she likes and doesn't get caught up in the conventions that belong to straight people."_

_She had laid there for a long time just watching the patterns of moonlight on the ceiling as she thought back through her life and all the times she had been with some woman their bodies together but their minds so far apart._

"_It's so different with her," she had found herself saying. "Every touch is something so new. I just can't imagine anything else than being with her. All my life I thought I had what I wanted; a new girl any time I craved contact. It all seems so empty now."_

_Odalis had smirked at her in the moonlight. "That's love, girl. How can you be so dumb?"_

_Prentiss had laughed with her reaching out to give the other woman a swat on her shoulder. _

_After a time Odalis said: "The chicas are going to have to have a memorial service to mourn you not being the number one playa on the scene anymore." _

_Time had passed, the moonlight slanting down the wall. Prentiss knew Odalis was still awake when she asked softly: "Do you think there's ever anything we can do in our lives that can't be forgiven?" The eyes watching her were wise and compassionate at the same time. "And I don't mean the truly evil things that small fraction of us are capable of, I mean the things that happened in your life that you know were wrong and that you regret, wish you could take back."_

"_I think it depends on how you feel about it," Odalis had answered. "Whether you accept it as a mistake, learn from it, and move on or not." She had shifted onto her back before continuing. "I beat a girl up once. Really put a pounding on her. I didn't even know I could do that. I swear I probably would've killed her if they hadn't pulled me off her I was so out of control. You know what the worst part was?" Odalis had waited for a moment thinking back, framing her words. "I found it so satisfying. Each punch felt so good. Well, at least until I broke my finger. Do you know what that's like?"_

"_I do."_

"_Then you should also know we are not the sum total of one mistake – of one bad thing. Unless you give in to it - and I think that's what weak people do – give in, give up, it's forgivable. You are who you make yourself, not what others tell you you are."_

"_Do you think you have a dark side, Odalis?"_

_The younger woman had looked directly at her then. "That's a strange question to ask and if I didn't know you had met Guerin; I'd wonder why you asked me that." There had been a pause before she asked, "She's been in your head hasn't she?"_

_When Prentiss had made no reply, Odalis had kept on. "That's a dark side, girl. Knowing that every day of your life, for the rest of your life, you'd do it all over again just as bloody and just as awful as the first time you did it. Claire wouldn't have wanted that, that's what Guerin will never get. She might have moved on about Claire, but she'll never get over herself. I don't know you that well, Emily, but I don't think you're like that."_

Prentiss sighed looking up at the wane sunlight streaming in the skylights as last night's conversation began to fade. There was one question, though, one thing she wanted to know.

"Odalis?"

"Oui."

"What did that girl you beat up do to you?"

Odalis breathed in deeply then out again as she turned on her back looking up into the sunlight. "She said to me that if I was just less butch looking and acting, straight people would accept us, us gay people, better. The fucking straight bitch," Odalis huffed.

"I think I would've smacked her too," Prentiss commiserated.

"That wasn't the thing that bothered me so much about the whole thing. It was how I lost control; how I made everything I was feeling so much more important than anything else. That's what I regret."

Prentiss thought for a long time before she heard herself saying two simple words that put it all into perspective, "me too."

**Later**

It was early afternoon when Prentiss finally came downstairs showered and ready for the day. Odalis was standing next to the sofa the TV remote in her hand. The TV was on CBC Newsworld and, as Prentiss went to the kitchen area to pour coffee, the news anchor was babbling in the background.

"…explosion and fire this morning in a telecommunications facility near Union Station in Toronto caused commuter chaos for several hours. There are now widespread reports of major computer outages to Financial Institutions across the country. This may be related to the damage caused by the fire in Toronto that, sources say, has caused a significant failure of a large part of the communications infrastructure. The Interac Association released a statement advising the public that network issues currently being experienced by the major bank's ABMs and Point-of-Sale terminals are being addressed as quickly as possible. The actual number of bank machines and POS devices connected to the Interac network that are affected by this outage is unknown at…"

As Prentiss stirred her coffee, the TV went silent for just a moment before the sound resumed this time with the clipped British accent of a BBC World News reporter. "Cell phone service providers in Japan are reporting major disruptions in network service affecting millions of customers. Very few details are available at this time…"

Odalis thumbed the remote again stopping on CNN as Prentiss walked up beside her.

"…unprecedented outage yesterday to GPS systems and the Sirius Satellite network are being blamed on ground-based computer issues. Service to both have been restored but we are now receiving reports of sporadic outages to 911 computer systems in California and Texas. Officials are advising the public in Los Angeles and Houston to please be patient when…"

Odalis killed the TV and dropped the remote on the couch. "Are you ready for your spa day? Nothing like getting all up into your femme side to get you back on track and ready to go home tomorrow."

"We're not taking your Harley I hope."

"Non," Odalis headed for the stairs. "We're taking the Mini Cooper. Wanna drive?"

**Later**

"You seem so much more relaxed than you were last night," Katie commented leaning on the bar next to Prentiss. "There's nothing like a mani, pedi, and massage to help a girl get her feet under her." She reached out and flipped a lock of the other woman's dark hair. "And your hair looks good, if I do so say myself."

Prentiss just laughed leaning back against the bar with both elbows. She let her eyes wander around the people in the small club a mixture of women, men and even a few straight people.

"I'm sorry if I came on a little strong last night," Katie was saying. "I've kinda been on the rebound since Jackie left me in October."

"I understand," Prentiss said distracted by a young man and woman at a nearby table. They were sitting close together as if insecure in such tight proximity to so many gay people. She was wondering what they were doing there when the girl said a last comment to the guy, got up from the table and walked right up to her and Katie.

"Hi," the girl started, obviously nervous.

"Hi, yourself," Katie responded moving just a fraction closer to Prentiss.

"My name's Lisa. My boyfriend," she gestured over her shoulder to the guy at the table who was taking a drink from his beer bottle and trying to look anywhere but at them.

"The dude in the NASCAR ball cap?" as Katie said this Prentiss could see her mouth turn up slightly in sly humour.

"Yeah, he thinks you two are really hot," the girl paused for a beat and Prentiss felt Katie give her a slight nudge with her elbow. "And it would be really fun if you," she looked pointedly at Prentiss, "and me, got it on with him."

Running her tongue between her lips, Prentiss looked sideways at Katie. "What do you think, Katie?" she asked the blonde woman trying hard to keep her tone serious. "Lindsey…"

"Lisa," the girl corrected, glancing back at her boyfriend.

"Lesley's kinda cute in a Wal-Mart shoppin', halter-top wearing, Budweiser swillin' kinda way, don'tcha think?"

If the girl knew she had just been insulted, she gave no sign.

Katie gave a little shrug of her shoulders and flipped her hair. "I guess. Lucky you he likes brunettes not blondes," she affected a disappointed look.

"So, you're cool with that? He can watch at first if you're nervous."

Prentiss sighed. "I hate to tell you this, Linda, but we're lesbians."

Lisa just stood there not reacting.

"That means we're not interested in men," Katie finished.

Finally the girl reacted: "But you're totally hot!" she said in disbelief.

Ready to respond, Prentiss paused as she saw Katie's attention shift to the end of the bar. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Odalis standing there watching closely. Before anyone could react, Odalis rounded the bar, walking directly to Prentiss. Pressing her body directly on the dark haired woman she gripped Prentiss' belt buckle tightly just over her crotch as she leaned in to plant a long, passionate kiss on the other woman.

Feeling the shorter woman's tongue caress her upper lip and press between her lips, Prentiss dropped a hand to her butt and groped suggestively at Odalis' firm behind. She had a long moment to appreciate Odalis' incredible skill with her mouth before Odalis broke off and settled between her and Katie. "Miss me sweetie?" she gave Prentiss an attitude laced look.

"You betcha," Prentiss ran her hand down Odalis' arm, found her hand and interlaced their fingers.

"Who's the chica?" Odalis looked at the young woman still standing in front of them.

"This is Luann," Prentiss started. "She wants to have a threesome with us."

"No, not you," Lisa looked directly at Odalis. "Her," she nodded to Prentiss, "and me and my boyfriend." Again she looked over her shoulder. This time the guy was watching them his eyes wide.

"Not me?" Odalis questioned her voice only slightly surprised.

"You're a dyke!" Lisa said, as if this explained everything.

Prentiss was surprised at her restraint, considering her history, when Odalis began: "And you're a clueless straight girl who thinks it would be fun to play at being gay for the pleasure of some dumb-ass guy. You think you can just come into my sandbox and play with my toys whenever you like and then go on back to your world? Let me tell you something, chica," Odalis leaned forward her posture somewhat threatening. Prentiss noticed Katie trying hard to hold back a smile.

"Does he think we are who we are just for his entertainment? Fuck that! Yeah, I _am_ a dyke. I'm a girl lovin', big ol' butch dyke. I totally dig girls; I always have and always will. All I think about all day is going down on my sweetie, tasting her cream on my tongue, feeling her squirm under me as she comes. I live it; I love it; I am it; all of it. You don't got the cred to walk in my world, so put down my Tonka toys and get the fuck outta my sandbox, bitch."

The girl just turned and walked away. Odalis leaned back, her elbows on the bar, looking off to her right apparently totally uninterested.

"A little bit of gratuitous tongue there, sweetie," Prentiss told the woman next to her.

"A little bit of gratuitous ass-grab there, chica," Odalis responded glancing at Prentiss before looking away again.

Katie was grinning with complete abandon when she said: "You have been a very bad – bad, bad, Odalis."

Odalis just shrugged.

Prentiss hooted with laughter, pulling the younger woman into a firm embrace and reaching out to include Katie. As she let herself laugh, she felt as if she was finally unwinding, finally coming back together.

**A few minutes later in the parking lot**

Katie was still laughing as they approached the red Mini Cooper. "Come meet my daughter," she said as Prentiss noticed the little convertible was occupied. A girl of about nine or ten with Katie's straight blond hair sat in the driver's seat grooving to Miley Cyrus playing on the car stereo. When Miley sang: "_Put your hands up – they're playing my song…_" she raised her arms above her head and waved to the beat of the music.

A guy of about twenty, his hair remarkably like Adam Lambert's, sat beside her on the passenger side. He looked up from his iPhone to give the girl an indulgent look.

When the girl spotted Odalis she turned the music down. "Hola, Odalis. I told you we'd be good." Her eyes then found Katie and Prentiss. "Hola, mom! I really liked the movie. Thanks for letting Jeff take me."

"You've only seen it like ten times," the boy said in an aggrieved tone as he got out of the car.

"Yes, but…"

Katie interrupted before her daughter could continue, "Chris, I'd like you to meet my friend Emily." Katie leaned against the side of the car with Prentiss beside her.

"Hola, Emily. ¿Cómo estás? Estoy aprendiendo a hablar español. Does Odalis let you drive?"

"Estoy muy bien, gracias." Prentiss replied then added, "only when I ask her nicely." She smiled at the girl noticing she had Katie's beautiful blue eyes. _Henry would just fall in love with her_, she found herself thinking.

"Do you have kids?" Katie asked reaching down to brush her hand over her daughter's hair. The way she asked it made Prentiss think she didn't really expect the answer to be anything but 'no'.

"Jennifer has a little boy," she replied.

"Lucky, aren't we?" Katie looked from her daughter to Prentiss with genuine warmth. Prentiss started to reply but was cut off by an excited Chris.

"Oh, look mom," she pointed to the street where a Brinks armoured car was turning into the parking lot. "I wonder if it's that pretty girl you have the hots for?"

Katie looked at her daughter scandalized for just the barest second before her eyes followed the Brinks truck as it stopped in front of the convenience store just across from the bar. The truck idled for a moment before the side door opened and a young woman in uniform hopped out. She surveyed the area with a critical eye her hand on her sidearm. After a moment, a man joined her carrying a bag over his shoulder and they went together into the convenience store and up to the small ATM.

"Oh, my god," Katie said in an undertone. "I so want to ask her out. I see her at the bank across from the salon all the time and I smile at her and she smiles back and I'm sure she's family but…" Kate trailed off clearly frustrated.

"Ask her, mom!" Chris said as if it was that simple.

"I can't, hon," Katie sighed. "She'll shoot me if I get too close. She guarding the money you know."

Prentiss was watching the two Brinks crew through the window of the store. The guy was kneeling in front of the cash machine, its vault door open, and the woman was looking out into the parking lot…

"She's looking right at you mom!" Chris bounced in the car seat.

Katie just sighed.

After a few minutes they closed the ATM and started back toward the idling truck. Before they could reach their vehicle, a police car pulled into a space close by. A female police officer got out of the squad car and the two women in uniform waved to each other.

"God," Katie said, her voice pitched so only Prentiss could hear. "Two girls with guns in Kevlar…" she left the thought unfinished her eyes not straying from the two women. The Brinks girl had escorted her partner back to the armoured car before joining the cop on the sidewalk. They were chatting, the Brinks girl smiling self consciously as she shot glances at Katie.

"Katie!" Prentiss caught the other woman's arm. "Here's your chance. Quick, do you have a card or something with your phone number?"

Katie rummaged in her purse coming up with small card from her salon. As Prentiss pulled her ID folder from her back pocket, Katie scribbled a number on the back of the card.

Walking rapidly but not in a threatening way, Prentiss approached the two women. When she was close enough, she held up her ID.

"FBI?" the female cop, a young black woman with blonde corn rows and a butch attitude, said looking Prentiss up and down.

"I'm on vacation," Prentiss stopped several feet away. "I'm not armed."

The Brinks girl was watching her skeptically her dark brown eyes cautious. Instantly Prentiss could see why Katie was so interested. She was incredibly good looking. Her slim build was set off by the dark blue cargo pants that fit her just closely enough to show her muscular legs. It was impossible to see much with the Kevlar vest she wore, but it was fitted just above her trim waist in a way that screamed sexy to any girl who might be looking. She had dark hair tied in a short pony tail and a smooth olive face leading Prentiss to think she was South Asian or more likely Thai.

Prentiss extended the card to the girl and stepped back.

"She wants to do more than your hair."

**Later **

It was very late as Prentiss and Odalis sat in the sand in front of the beach house. They had not talked for a long time; each was silent, lost in her own thoughts. Prentiss was thinking about how the woman who survived, Guerin, would always be between Odalis and Claire, the woman who had died. Claire had been the one driving force in Odalis' life and Guerin would always be there as a reminder of what she couldn't have.

"You don't like Guerin very much, do you?" Prentiss broke the silence.

"It's complicated," Odalis said slowly. "I owe her a lot and she knows it. Sometimes she uses it against me."

"Why don't you get away from her?" Prentiss was concerned at the resignation in the other woman's voice.

Odalis ran her hands up and down her bare shins, pulled her knees even closer to her chin. "I can't," she finally replied. "I'm stuck with her."

_Guerin is the dark star we all orbit around_, Prentiss recalled Mani Grayson saying. It seemed like ages ago.

"She gave me my new Canadian identity; paid for me to go to school; has me take care of this place for her."

Prentiss thought she knew where this was going as the younger woman looked at her pained and resigned. "And what is the price you pay for that?"

Odalis didn't answer right away. As Prentiss watched, she bit her lip and dug her finger nails into her thigh. Whatever it was it was clearly painful. A long moment passed before Odalis finally answered.

"All she wants is that I'm there for her whenever she wants me," Odalis met her eye for only a moment before looking away and Prentiss was sure she saw something in her eyes that was all too familiar: shame.

"Every time she touches me all I can think about it is Claire and she knows it; feels it, wants it like that, the bitch!" Odalis grabbed a handful of sand and tossed it toward the water. The fine, white sand flew like so much fairy dust sparking in the moonlight.

After another long break, Odalis spoke again. "Be careful of her, Emily. She's dangerous in so many ways and capable of almost anything."

_We boarded the boat under the cover of a dark and windy night. It was a big, beautiful sailboat, all teak and chrome. Guerin talked to the two women who were crewing the boat and I heard her mention Aruba. 'Come with me,' Guerin took me by the elbow, guided me below deck and through the main cabin to the large stateroom at the bow. Once inside she shut the door, leaned back against it. I had begun to wonder then by the way she so obviously blocked the door, if I had made a mistake. It would not be the last time I thought that. I had left a decent if uninteresting life outside Holguin; an illegitimate child to my single parent mother. We were accepted if not fully respected - such was the way of Cubans; warm and co-operative yet still governed by deep seated religious convention. 'Show it to me,' Guerin had demanded staring at the plastic wrapped roll I held in my hand. The painting of Claire's that I had clutched all during the long journey to where I was now. I handed her the painting, watched as she unrolled it under a lamp. Guerin had stared at the painting for a long time her face going through emotions that I could not follow. When she looked up at me, I felt for the first time the touch of her mind on mine. That impossible, intimate touch backed by such a dark thing: her anger and power. I stepped back from her but couldn't get away. She came close to me, moved into me so confusing and yet compelling. Her touch was on my very centre though only the press of her body against me and her breathe on my neck was real. It was like a crushing pressure that drove the strength from my knees. I heard the timbre of the diesel inboards change, felt the boat turning. She moved her hands over me then, ripping the buttons from my shirt as she pulled it from my body. I lost track then of what was truly real and what was not. I could feel her mouth on mine; feel her hands reaching into my pants. At the same time it seemed as if we had become one, her mind was so close to mine. As her hand – that damaged, impossible hand – clutched at me, caressed me so lightly and so roughly all at the same time, I felt her driving desire like a force pressing on me and out of me at the same time. Everything she had ever felt for Claire was there: the aching, longing, raw want; the sweet hope for something that seemed so unattainable and the insecurity when it was finally hers. As she moved inside me, began drawing her hand in and out of me, I was held by her strong body pressed tight against the cold wooden wall. I felt again all the pleasures of that day the three of us shared, so new and unexpected in intensity for me. Guerin's mind pushed the memory of Claire's mouth and hands on me into my mind and I could not resist as the combined weight of the real and the memory – of Guerin, so close, hot and here – and Claire so real yet so distant, drew from me an overwhelming, devastating pleasure both from my body and mind. I was soaring, flying so high I thought my heart could not possible beat any harder. And just in that moment, as the boat completed the turn and began moving fast away from Cuba, I felt and saw a last memory form Guerin's mind. Claire, turning away, walking away into the grey mist, casting a last look over her shoulder and saying the words that burned in my mind: "I love you, G, I always will." I clutch a handful of Guerin's crazy white hair, push back against the torture she directed on me. "She may have loved you, but you can't take my memories from me," I tell her. "I had her too." I feel Guerin's distain as she breaks her mind away from me and shoves me with her hands. "Before you she was mine," I tell her,"and it was as much as she wanted to give. It was you that bound us physically. You that wanted me to have her that way." Guerin laughs, says "you wanted it," her voice is raw, "would've taken it anyway you could get it from her." I feel my own power so strong and unwavering as I step up to her, right up against her, and tell her: "And she gave it to me right there in front of you and you didn't even know."_

Odalis stared at the painting on the wall of the beach house remembering how smug Guerin had been when she hung it there, hung it as a reminder to both of them of what they had lost. Yet, what Guerin didn't know, couldn't know, was that every time Odalis looked at it she felt not just loss but an emotion so simple, so complete and so soul affirming: love.

Turning to leave, Odalis paused unable to move further as the memories returned, urgent and unstoppable.

"_Ca va?" Claire asks drawing lazy circles on my chest with just the tip of her finger. I'm still floating as she kisses me and I can feel her desire, her hunger, and as quickly as that I am aroused again. I shiver through the length of my body as Guerin runs a hand slowly down from my shoulder to my thigh. "So young," she whispers in my ear having felt my body respond. Her mouth is on my neck and shoulder kissing and nipping as Claire consumes my mouth again her body tensing as she moans softly into our kiss the strain of her need so evident. What she says surprises me; "I want to taste you." I look into her amazing eyes and see something I cannot hardly understand it seems so base and primal, then she smiles and I see the sweetness and playfulness return. If no woman in my life ever again looks at me like that I can't imagine how I could care. Guerin purrs like a cat behind me as Claire starts to move over me. "No, not like that," she says and Claire seems to know what she wants as she settles back stretched out flat beside me one arm above her head. Guerin directs me, guides me, to straddle her and when I look directly down into Claire's eyes I see an impossible passion so intense I think I will come right then and she has not yet even touched her tongue to me. She smiles, runs her tongue over her lip, her teeth, as Guerin moves into place behind me her hands running up and down my thighs fingers brushing through my pubic hair. Still looking down at Claire, watching her watch me, I feel Guerin's hands on my rear kneading my muscles in such a way that the tension makes my clit almost twitch. I have only a moment to think this before Claire's mouth is on me and all the air is forced from my lungs and I am completely breathless my head dropping back on Guerin's shoulder. "Slow, Claire, god girl," Guerin warns her lover with a teasing laugh. Her firm hands are supporting me as the woman under me, that beautiful creature, my Claire, runs her amazing tongue through my soaking wet folds teasing at the entrance to my core before finding, and ever so slowly, circling my clit. __"God, she's so good," the voice in my ear again. "I know what that feels like," Guerin moves a hand to me – into me - from behind, "I know what she can do to you." She strokes her fingers in and out turning her hand as she does adding to my pleasure. I whimper inarticulate at what these two women are giving me and know it won't be long before… "Slow, Claire," Guerin warns again and, as she withdraws her hand from me, Claire breaks contact with my clit and tenderly kisses my mound and I feel her breathing in and out in my thick hair, husky and impatient. Guerin is shifting position behind me rustling on the bed. Looking down at Claire I discover what she's doing when Claire groans her head tilting back. Her eyes closed, she bites her lip, breathes harshly. When her eyes open a moment later I see again the primal being; she is so full of base sexual power. In that moment, that impossible moment, with her making love to me and Guerin to her, we connect in a way I can't understand and won't for years. I see in her eyes something I will hold and keep; something that will always be mine. She takes my clit again, seizes it, sucks it, tugs it, and I cannot hold on for much longer though I try wanting her with me when I let go. I spare a look over my shoulder and see Guerin between Claire's legs her head bobbing as she gives to Claire what Claire is giving to me. A moment, a life time, passes and I tip over the edge into freefall grabbing Claire's hand and clutching it, palm flat, over my heart. And she is there with me connected by the physical release as we ride it together. In my mind, as I look down into her eyes so passionate yet so tender, I know she wants it to be me – knows it's me, not Guerin. _

_When Claire sits up and takes me in her arms, holds my head against her shoulder we breathe together; heartbeats slowing together. "Ma belle," she whispers just for me as her hands move all over my back. A stirring and a breath against my neck and Guerin is against me. But she is not spent and relaxed like we are. I feel her vibrating, eager, hungry. Claire's hand catches in Guerin's hair and Guerin purrs, growls like a feral cat full of dark desires. Holding Guerin right there, her chin on my shoulder, Claire kisses me and I taste on her mouth that special treat that only women lovers will know and understand. I taste myself on her, imprinted on her, and know she has made me hers. "Claire, please." Guerin says and reluctantly I slide off Claire to sit close, still touching. Guerin growls, moans deep in her chest as she devours Claire in a crushing kiss. I watch, intrigued as Claire slows her, tempers her with tenderness – all this in her amazing kiss. But Guerin is not to be denied so consuming is her need. She bares her teeth like the feral cat she has become kissing and biting Claire's throat, Then suddenly she stops, looks at Claire like she has a special secret to share, and moves back just enough to begin fitting her body, all legs and hips, together with Claire like a jigsaw puzzle piece snapping into the piece next to it. Claire smiles, grins even, giving her eager lover an indulgent chuckle as Guerin begins to move, grinding her crotch against Claire's matching part. Putting a hand down between them as she crushes herself against Claire, she makes a slight adjustment and I can imagine in my fertile mind that her aching clit is directly against Claire's organ both of them now flushed with blood and so incredibly sensitive to the shared pleasure. As Guerin continues to grind against Claire, I hear her guttural grunts begin to change pitch upward so that soon she is sighing, squeaking almost, like a young girl out of control. I move a hand to the older woman, palm her breast feel her nipple impossibly hard against my hand. I squeeze, rub, tweak her as I move my other hand down her back and between her tense buttocks. I want to get inside her, reach my fingers into her like she had me, but I'm not sure I can with her in this position, grinding against Claire. With a sideways look at me all feral cat again, she moves forward lowering her upper body over Claire. I push my fingers into her smooth, wet heat trying to match the grinding rhythm of the two women. Guerin is still gasping, grunting, her body so tense I can't understand how she hasn't come yet. "C'mon baby, keep going," I hear Claire say and know that she too is close. Driving my hand harder in and out of Guerin, I move so that I am leaning against her for support as my other hand goes to myself. I'm so overly sensitive that it takes only the barest touch and I am there with them, all three of us struggling, fighting, toward climax. Guerin gets there first. I feel her tighten with crushing force on the hand I have so deep inside her. As she arches back crying out with utter abandon, her groan cycling through the octaves to settle on a female squeak, Claire is there too and so am I. Slowly, ever so achingly slowly, we come down. Guerin is panting, tears standing out at the corners of her eyes like the sweat that is beading, running down her bare skin. When she lets me have my fingers back, we settle, the two of us on either side of Claire and Claire holds us to her. "My wild one," she says to Guerin who is purring again like the cat she is. "And my sweet, young one," this to me and, as she laughs, I can't imagine how this world could revolve, exist, without her in it. _

The painting in front of her blurred as Odalis closed her eyes tightly shut. Feeling drained, empty, she took a step toward the stairs to leave, paused. Knowing she didn't want to be alone, cannot bear to be alone, she turned instead to go to the only place there is to go.

Waking from a light sleep, Emily looked up to the young woman staring down at her. "Can you, I don't know how to say…" Odalis trailed off all her articulateness and fluency in the English language gone. "Will you, please. Can you just, please, I need you to just - hold me."

Emily shifted back toward the center of the bed and folded back the sheet. Feeling the all consuming pain in the younger woman, she watched as Odalis undressed down to just her tight briefs leaving her clothes in a heap at her feet. She opened her arms as Odalis slipped into the bed with her.

The younger woman was trembling all over and Emily could feel her tears wet her skin. "I'm sorry, I can't, I shouldn't be..." Odalis babbled. "You came down here to heal yourself and now here I am expecting you to heal me."

Emily only held her tighter, said: "We're healing each other."


End file.
